Why is everybody always trying to think up a theme for Christmas? Isn’t Christmas a theme all by itself? Like, it’s right around the comer?

Christmas does.have a way of creeping up on everyone. Before you know it, it’s Christmas Eve and you still haven’t had that picture framed, you haven’t got that video camera you ordered at the last minute, and on and on and on.... Worst of all, there are a lot of people you want to see that can’t possibly be contacted unless you have a very big Boxing Day party, and it’s never guaranteed that everybody you ask will actually show up, because they are facing the same problem you are.

What about this theme thing? Almost everyone can relate to this. You’ve heard people say; What’s going to be our theme for Christmas? Well, the last time we checked, Christmas was about peace, love and goodwill | on earth. Wow! What a concept! How about we try that one and see what happens. Maybe it isn’t thought of as theme for Christmas because it’s not commercially feasible. How can you decorate a school or an office with such a basic concept like goodwill toward all people? It is kinda tough. Hence, the Christmas brainstormers think up a theme that is colorful, crafty, clever, and lest we forget, commercially viable.

Admittedly, Christmas would not be the same without all of the standard decorations and themes that give us that anxious feeling in anticipation of the big day. But just once it would be fun to find out what would happen if we all celebrated Christmas without the outrageous ornamental gimmickry, and instead decided to try to be really nice, really good, and really peaceful.

Nah. It would never work.

Could you imagine driving by City Hall and seeing a blank, grey building in the middle of December? It’s unimaginable, really. How about stepping into a shopping mall and seeing the shops and walkways as they normally appear every other time of the year? It’s unthinkable! Who ever came up with the idea of decorating the city with Christmasy stuff in December accomplished at least two things: We were given something to look at in order to remind us it is indeed the best time of the year, and we were given yet another economically viable manufacturing industry. What a theme!

Reading the Walls

I am a reader of the walls. I sit in the terrible frustration of my excretion and read the garbled outcry of my fellow Douglas College students. I have read many a writing, in many a stall, in many a language. I can recall times when my face was red with frustration, trying to solve, to reach, to converse, to understand. I have asked myself, “What the fuck are they trying to say?” It’s not so bad that I can’t comprehend their English, although I suspect that most of the comments are written in English as a Second Language (or at least should be enrolled in English as a Second Language.) It’s my perdition that I must inquire but how? I figured that the five “W’s” was a good place to start.

“Why the hell is this on the wall?” was the first thought that entered the emptiness of the stall. In today’s day and age you think that if we men wanted to voice our opinions we could write to, I don’t know, the trusty school newspaper or at least pull it out and write on your girlfriends back but save my walls. There isn’t any spellcheck and you just can’t wipe it off on the sheets. There is no excuse for racism or any sort of degradation on the wall of my toilet. A good joke sure, a bad joke even, if that’s all you got or maybe a nice story or poem is fine. All of these are good things to read, they may take a little longer to read because there is a little more thought put into them but that’s what the break is for. Your teachers, if they are male, understand. If you have an anal female teacher, well that’s another article.

“Where is this stuff coming from?” is usually the second question I ask. We have some very creative comical talent in this school. would like to know, especially the people who don’t ise the facilities ar just are not guys, that some of the best shit

This is our last issue of the semester, kiddies, so have a happy holiday.

Just recently I participated on a Star Wars Q & A written up on the wall and some of the answers were hilarious and there were always good jokes for any situation. Great stuff.

“When do people have time to do these things?” I am usually interrupted by others or forget my pen. I think that there are some hard-core expressionists out there with a lot of revolutionary ideas. In fact I’ve begun to recognize some styles of handwriting. Usually now I just have time to do replies but I would like to do some comedy, some day.

“Who are we writing to?” Never forget that this is a man’s stall you are sitting in when you write or read. This is a very important concept. We are men. We don’t need to get girl’s phone numbers from other guys. Remember that this is someone’s sister or daughter and not just some easy piece of meat that you are giving the number of away. Besides, how do you start a conversation with a girl who’s number you found on the wall. “Hey, I saw your number on the wall and it said for a good time call, so I thought you know, I would give you a call.” It doesn’t work. Credo experto.

I’m sure that some of you readers have been asking this question if you have read thus far, “What does the chicken scratch on the wall reflect in society?” Well if you’re reading the good stuff it just reflects that there is a lot of good stuff to be said in society and maybe there is so much that it should be written on the walls. But otherwise, we always

oe Ruchel Young /Artuir Banks: yf Seaman Holly Keyes, Colette Ernst's roast turkey, Sean P. Veley, - : eee Donaldson, Lance oo and Elvis.

comes out of these Douglas College toilets. -

knew that mankind was a little mislead, a little misconceived. Hell even Plato thought that we lived in a messed up society and that was two and a half thousand years ago and all of the great thinkers have been in concurrence since. Everybody knows that we’re a bit out of the ordinary, a touch sick. You need a break from the disease we call time management and reading in the stalls is a great place top do it and find out just what mankind is really thinking.

Why do we write on the wall? I’m sure someone may ask but it’s because they don’t provide reading material as intersting as we can write and we men know just what we want to hear when we have our pants at our ankles, bent over in labor. Besides there is a certain skill and challenge involved in writing on that angle on that kind of surface. Why ask why? Because we can write, we can read, we have functional bowels and we’re men but I could imagine that women are as imaginative.

a. Student

Zhirinovsky The Russian Hitler?

The latest antics of this Russian politician remind us of the eerie similarity between Zhirinovsky and Hitler. Both men came out of obscurity. Both wrote of an unhappy, troubled childhood. Hitler was anti-Semitic, so is Zhirinsovsky. Hitler came to power through the democratic process -- barring a successful assassination attempt, the overwhelming likelihood is that Zhirinovsky will win the December, 1996 Russian Presidential Elections.

Indeed, the situation in Russian today is reminiscent of conditions in Weimer Germany prior to Hitler coming to power - - chaos, disillusionment and despair. These are the conditions ripe for a dictatorship. Hitler had an electrifying effect on the German people unmatched by any other politician. The same can be said of Zhirinovsky among Russians. Before and after Hitler came to power, the International Press ridiculed him as a clown and a madman. The International Press today tend to dismiss Zhirinovsky as the “clown prince,” a “political jester,” and “buffoon” much as they reacted to Hitler. This will prove to be a great mistake. Zhirinovsky is a man of destiny. His rise and fall (“upon the mountains of Israel”) are foretold in the Biblical book of Ezekiel, chapters 38 and 39. He is described as “Gog, the prince of Rosh, Meshech, and Tubal” NKJV (now Russia, Moscow, and Tubolsk). Vladimir Wolfovich Zhirinovsky, the man who would be “Gog!”

K.U. Barett Guelph, Ontario

November 28, 1995

Dear Boyd,

I’m not attacking you personally, I’m glad you aren’t a rapist. I have one question for you - how am I supposed to know that you aren’t a rapist? When I am walking down the street, mace in one hand and my personal alarm in the other, how am I supposed to know that you aren’t going to attack me? The sad truth is that I have to view all men as evil. These men that do these terrible crimes are normal, everyday people. They are teachers, police, fathers, students, people from all walks of life. How am I supposed to know?

You say that Jet Girl is a bigot. You use Muslim terrorists as an example. Well, how about airport officials? They assume that everyone’s a terrorist. Do they not check everyone’s luggage? Do they not send everyone through a metal detector? Are they bigots just because they are concerned for the safety of airplane passengers? Am I a bigot because I view all men as evil and a threat because I know what all men are capable of?

Your advise to Jet Girl about getting more women to report rapes upset me. I was a victim of sexual assault. I didn’t report it. The thought terrified me. Boyd, have you ever seen a rape trial? Have you seen the way the victim is treated? She is treated like acriminal, her whole life is put on trial, she is humiliated, treated like a whore. All for what? If the animal is ever found, or if he is convicted, he may get a couple of years, out for good behavior in a year or less. All for what? Justice! Your suggestion about changing the laws was a nice touch. It would be a miracle if the laws were changed, maybe one day my granddaughter can walk in the park by herself. But, what am I supposed to do until then? Say to my attacker, “ummm, excuse me will you stop assaulting me, the laws may change one day.” That will be one huge deterrent.

T’mnot just talking about women, men are sexually assaulted as well. I’m telling my point of view from the victim’s

perspective.

Yours sincerely, Penguin

Get the point Boyd,

Thanks for writing. You got the point and missed the point. The point of my “manbashing” article was to make people think about the emotions involved in sexual assault. You obviously thought about the article. It’s too bad you didn’t think of any response besides stale rhetoric.

You thought I should do more to encourage women to report sexual assaults. If women were not assaulted they would have nothing to report. That is where my preference lies.

You called me a bigot because I don’t trust all men. While it is not always fair, we are judged by the company we keep. If a man assaults me, I will find it harder to trust strange men. Sad but true. Don’t blame me, blame our society.

Dia Richardson