humour // no. 22 theotherpress.ca

Apple introduces brand new (version of an old) iPhone

>1iPhone 6cts hits shelves

Chandler Walter Humour Editor

pple CEO Tim Cook took to the stage last week to unveil the new design of the iPhone. Thousands arrived for the launch, in the hopes that the new iPhone would make vast improvements on the old body, OS system, and format. Cook walked on stage to a chorus of applause from the audience, with all eyes on the small display sitting on stage that was covered by a thin white sheet. “We are innovation!” Cook said, “Apple makes products that people use! A lot! Phones are important, and here at Apple we make sure that those phones are, a reality After a few more minutes of generic phrases and hot-button words like “revolutionary,” “world-class,” and “super wicked,” Cook began a slow-motion walk towards the covered display.

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“And now, after years of all the little computery things, give you, the iPhone 6c+s!” the old iPhone 6s, iPhone 6, innovation, tireless hours by Iam pleased to announce The iPhone 6c+s will give and iPhone 6+, although Cook our coders and hackers and the unveiling of the next in users the opportunity to have said during the launch that whatever other nerds are behind the line of Apple iPhones. I an iPhone that is exactly like there are many additions to

Twitter celebrates its 10th birthday, doesn't let anyone forget

> Email alerts sent out in case someone forgot Twitter's special day

Chandler Walter Humour Editor

| a week, everyone's favorite social media platform, Twitter, celebrated its 10th birthday, and it made sure that everyone knew just how special and important that day was. “We just needed to make sure that everyone was aware that it was a day all about us,” said Twitter CEO Jon Henry. “I mean, we don’t expect everyone to get us presents or anything, but at least to tweet at us a happy birthday would be expected. It is our day, after all.” Twitter spent the day sending out mass emails to its — users, as well as tweeted about it nonstop throughout the day with tweets like “omg it’s my birthday!!! Today’s my day! Yay me!” and “wow, @Facebook, don’t bother wishing me a happy birthday I guess.... #thatscool.” te

Henry said that the campaign well, and no one really madeitas — was,” Henry said, “and we not. We even tried to make it an was In reaction to last year’s big a deal as it should have been. __ really think that it is a day that international holiday, but the birthday, when only a handful of “Tt was like no one even everyone should be celebrating, request is still being processed.”

Twitter's followers wished them knew how important the day whether you have Twitter or As it is their 10th, and most

Photo via businessinsider.com

Image via www.digitalic.it/

the newest in the lineup.

“With the iPhone 6c+s, you can own the newest iPhone possible, and be better than your friends who dont have one,” Cook said. “Also, it comes in many new exciting colours, including white gold, and platinum.”

Probably the most significant change from earlier models has to be the iPhone 6c-+s’s size, being even larger than the iPhone 6+. It is around the size of an iPad mini.

Many skeptics have pointed out that the iPhone 6c+s is literally just an iPad mini with calling capabilities, but Cook stated that was not the case: “If it was just an iPad mini, would it come in so many different colours?”

The newest iPhone is currently available for only $850, though a price drop of $50 will be available for all those trading in their old, outdated iPhone 6 models.

The iPhone 6c+s has already sold out at most major chains, but can be ordered online off of the Apple store for an additional cost of only $129.99.

important, birthday, Twitter has decided to celebrate its birthday for an entire week, and has yet to stop alerting everyone about how important it is that they are given attention.

It appears that nearly three quarters of Twitter users have been blocked by Twitter’s official account, as they “didn’t wish us a happy birthday fast enough.” Henry said that he is not mad at the people who wouldn't acknowledge the importance of the week, only that he is disappointed, and that those people can all “burn in hell.”

Twitter also made sure to add floating balloons graphics to everyone’s Twitter feed, a distraction that would only go away once @twitter was visited and a nice, heartfelt birthday message was sent.

It is reported that the entirety of Twitter’s company staff spent the evening getting too drunk, wearing “birthday bitch” sashes, and ending the night crying for reasons that were unknown even to them.