THE GRUDGE

Killer Kali Thurber, A&E Editar

As the movie blatantly states, in Japan it is believed that when some- one dies filled with rage, the area surrounding their death place holds that rage forever. Anyone who

ound a random at him? It’s him. just run out of beers in their munchies. We ful bunch, but

f to disturb the ing an evening

may have been encounters the curse of this power-

ful rage will die and a new curse will be born in its place. The house that holds this rage in The Grudge is also home to a mysterious black-eyed boy with the scream of a cat. Sounds spooky, doesn’t it? Well, hy be out to get don’t let yourself be fooled by the - clever tagline and shocking pre- best

is I’ve done in a -affirming). But ways pay your

e dead before hble if you're a ovies and you

views—those were all the parts.

to the audience.

n actor who crashed the audition.

hungry for the audience’s attention. Emmanuel’s hunger injects energy into an already great production. He illustrates a great the- atrical ear and if you watch closely you can see him imitate some Sroucho Marx shtick that is seamlessly crafted into his perform- © You definitely won’t find yourself looking at your watch yhen Emmanual’s on stage. His quick tongue speeds up the pace f the play, and Emmanuel’s natural talent and charm endears

But where would a play about Dracula be without the villain elf? Matthew Spears commands respect when he walks upon ze with his consistent performance. Spears steps into the ; of many remarkable actors and fulfills his role as villain. and lean, he has the aura of Dracula. His tone and delivery lice not only Lucy, but the audience as well. Spears does a omimendable job in the daunting role of Dracula—not bad for

One would have expected that with the combined efforts of Sam Raimi (creator of The Evil Dead and Darkman) and ‘Taka Ichise (the pro- ducer of Ringu) that The Grudge be a

guaranteed two hours of terrifyingly real hor-

ror. But when the murderous, supernatu- ral_ being that is

supposed to keep us on the edge of our seats with our feet and hands tightly tucked up around us is thrown on the screen within the first there’s just nothing left to maintain the mood. Why do we watch movies that follow all the typical rules of the genre but don’t even

seven minutes,

allow us the uniquely horrifying pleasure of imagining what the monster looks like before the plot is even set? I have a hunch that the main attraction to The Grudge for at least half the audi- ence was the infamously curious, Sarah Michelle Geller. Yes, boys, she was there with all her innocent charm and little injured-doe eyes, peeking around every corner and tiptoeing up every set of stairs that she could find. And if the twisted, purple hand clawing its way out the back of her head doesn’t turn you off, there’s even a shower scene.

i

That is, if you can yawn your way through the first 45 minutes.

Aside from a few short-lived shivery moments, this movie was a huge disappointment. The Grudge was so not scary that I’m not even going to continue reviewing it. Sure, I could go on about the poor- ly done, westernized versions of intriguing Japanese films, or how unimaginative it is that every single person in The Grudge that enters the cursed house decides to climb up to the attic to find out what all the screeching and scratching is about; but quite frankly, my dear, I just don’t give a damn. Instead I’m going to share with you a little

Grudge game that I thought up while sitting in the theatre, bored out of my mind. If you choose to

Saving the best for last, perhaps because I’m such a fan of 1940s detectives, that brings us to Murray Price. Price’s perform-

ance deserves comparison to the likes of Sam Spade. He plays the twice-bitten cop and tortured hero to a tee, right down to the smoking and drinking and the “dame” eyeballing. Most of Price’s ialogue is delivered in asides and his narration is the constant

Qctaber 27/2004

thread that weaves through the plot, giving the play purpose and direction. Price bears his responsibility skilfully, mastering the mannerisms, speech pattern, and accent of his character.

With Halloween just around the corner, take time to enjoy the classic vampire tale retold in Ellie King’s production of Dracula: The Silver Scream. It’s worth the $15 admission.

play the game you'll be off to a per- fectly harrowing Halloween. If you don’t choose to play, just don’t bother going to this Hollywood failure.

Now, here’s the game. Firstly, smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink a carton of milk (homoge- nized, none of that wussy 1% crap) in the alley outside the theatre. Secondly, buy a ticket to The Grudge. Pick your seat in the theatre wisely (behind a group of giddy 13-year- olds would be ideal). 'Then wait for ten minutes. By this time the hairy monster will have appeared on the screen, and the collaborative effect of the milk and cigarettes will have

formed a paste of mucus down the back of your throat. This is where the fun begins. Thirdly, breathe in deeply and let a slow, heavy gur- gling bubble up your chest. It will sound exactly like the “creepy” monster from The Grudge, and man, will those 13-year-olds be terrified.

Don’t worry about seeming like an asshole—they went there to get scared, didn’t they? Trust me; you'll be doing them a favour. I would also suggest bringing a stringy, black wig along with you, and light- ly brushing it against somebody’s cheek. The movie won’t make them jump, but the enthusiastic expres- sion on your face when they look up and scream sure will. Thank God there are people like me out there, willing to sacrifice their evening just to ensure that the needs of scary moviegoers are met. Oh stop, you don’t need to applaud; save that for the redeem- ing qualities of The Grudge...oh wait, there aren’t any.

STHERPRESS