Tea TT

In case you've been sucking your thumb and wishing that you were still in the womb during the exact seven days between my deadlines (Sept 9-16), here’s an update on what you’ve missed in the world of sports.

We are the champions, my friend! In hockey, Canadian players once again provided all of the beautiful memories that we have come to expect from them. By shutting down an exhausted and travel-worn Finnish team, we won the World Cup of Hockey and proved that our country is _ Superior in everything. In other hockey notes, Jason Smith, Steve Yzerman, Dave Andreychuk, and Daniel and Henrik Sedin all signed new deals with their respective clubs. And GM place should get a little cozier if the rumours are true that the owner of Sandman hotels has teamed up with

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some other rich bastard to buy the Canucks and GM Place for $250 million.

In golf, Mike Weir flirted with the idea of becoming the first Canadian to win the Canadian Open championship since Pat Fletcher in 1954, but someone reminded him that Canadians are only good at one sport and he buckled under the pressure on the third playoff hole against Vijay Singh.

In baseball, my favourite player, Randy Johnson, became the all-time left-handed strike- out leader with 4,137. The five-time Cy Young award-winner passed Steve Carlton for the record, and now only trails Roger Clemens (4,287), and the unobtainable Nolan Ryan (5,714) in the overall category. This once again proves that Nolan Ryan was a fucking unbelievable base- ball player. Also making news was Barry Bonds

who drew his 199th walk this season to break his own record. As I type this, he’s now up to 206 as he waits for someone to goof and give him a pitch he can hit to get his 700th home run.

In endangered seal hunting, I clubbed my very first baby seal at the third annual Celebration of Clubs. The event honours retired clubbing leg- end Jean Chretien who clubbed a world record 372 baby seals, though 18 of those clubbings are under investigation due to a rumoured involve- ment of the RCMP and pepper spray.

In basketball, Clyde Drexler, led a group of inductees in the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame. Joining Clyde the Glide was coach Bill Sharman, Maurice Stokes, Lynette Woodard, Jerry Colangelo, and Drazen Dalipagic. I know, I only recognized one name too.

And finally, in the Paralympics Chantal Benoit, a veteran of the Canadian women’s wheelchair basketball team was selected to carry the flag at the opening ceremonies.

Well, I think that’s it. Unless I’m forgetting something... What could it be that I can’t quite remember? Oh yeah! The National Hockey League taking the hopes and dreams that I proj- ect vicariously through professional hockey players and squashing them like grapes at a vine- yard.

et off Your Procrastinating Asses!

Darren Paterson, Sports Editor

Well, here you go. I went to the DC soccer games last weekend and I had planned to write a little ditty on what went down. But after watching the games I decided to change the course of this arti- cle a bit.

First of all, I will tell you that the women did win one and tie one, and the men split their games with a win and a loss. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about the lack of fan support. Where were you guys? I was there. The players were there. But where were you? The women were lucky with the full- blown support of about 20 parents. But the men had maybe a grand total of ten people there. It was ridiculous; in American colleges these are big events. Why can’t they be a party for us too? Yet I don’t want to just scold you about not showing up, I want to tell you why you should show next time.

Let’s start with the women’s team. First off, there are a slew of cute, athletic girls. And don’t think I’m trying to devalue their playing ability here. That one’s just for lonely pathetic guys like

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myself. What about for everyone else? These girls can kick some balls. Literally. And since they are the better supported of the two teams you can expect more excite- ment from the crowd.

But don’t forget to walk over and catch the men’s game after the women are done. These guys are pro. I’ve never been to a “real” soc- cer game, like those played in Europe, but I can only imagine how good they must be, if watch- ing the game at this level was as enjoyable as it was. Besides, our men ate defending runner-ups in the province, so you can expect wins this season. But don’t take it from me. Both teams play next Saturday and Sunday at 1pm across the way from your Coquitlam cam- pus. You can check out the full schedules by going to <www.dou- glas.be.ca/csrw> and following the links. Pll get back to you soon with similar rants about showing up to volleyball, basketball and baseball games...well, maybe not baseball.

Sorry guys.

GEPHBMbEF 22/2000