New Orleans Saints Demoted From “America’s Team” to “Moldova’s Team”

By “Salty” Liam Britten

NEW YORK, NY — After an all-day meeting with shareholders, owners, players, and staff, National Football league Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that the New Orleans Saints, nicknamed “America’s Team” after their success in the 2006 season and destruction of their home city after Hurricane Katrina, have been stripped of their nickname, and demoted 0 “Moldova’s Team” due to poor performance during the 2007 season.

“It was not an easy decision to make,” Goodell told assembled reporters. “But let’s face it; the people of New Orleans have lost their homes, livelihoods, and some have even lost their lives, and even these destitute people are disappointed in the Saints’ performance.”

There were high hopes for the Saints this season. After turning around their 3-13 2005 season into last season’s 10- 6 performance, their 2-4 position after week seven is highly disappointing to many.

“We are confident that our change in national allegiance will be a good move,” said Tom Benson, team owner. “Moldova is a small, weak nation, has a history of military defeat, and a low

GDP. We feel that this mediocre-to- poor nation’s disappointing transition from a command to market economy will be a perfect fit for the Saints’ performance in 2007.”

The question of who will be the new “America’s Team” is currently in the air. Goodell could not make any definite statements about the next title holder, but confirmed “we have been in talks with both the San Diego Chargers and the Pittsburgh Steelers.”

“Our first instinct was to go after the New England Patriots. I mean, let’s face it, Tom Brady is pretty much the embodiment of America,” Goodell said. “Great physique, a great pass rating, firm buttocks, Tom Brady and the Patriots was definitely our first choice. Unfortunately, Norway made a very appealing offer in the off-season, and frankly, America simply cannot compete with their Human Development Index score and high literacy rate.”

As for the players of the Saints, they appeared to take the news in stride.

“Could be worse,” offered Saints running back Reggie Bush. “St. Louis is 0 and 7 this season. They’ll be lucky to be Senegal’s Team.”

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