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The firm is pleased to announce...

When a company promotes a person fo an executive position it puts an an- nouncement in the paper that reads like this:

J. J. Pinch‘ace Screw and Belt Ltd. wishes to announce the appointment of Charles G. SnuthJones to the post of manager, personnel division. Mr. SmithJones o'.erded Mocss Juw Ume- versity, has a wide back.>und in the screw and be. industry arx! us active in communsty a:.a.rs.

Frankly, there isn’t much there to grab the average subscriber. No drama. No character development. No love ln terest

If companies like J. J. Pinchface Screw and Bolt want to improve reader- ship of their promotion notices, all they have to do is tell the real reason Char- lie Smith-Jones got the job.

Here are a few samples of what I mean.

J. J. Pinchface Screw and Bolt Lid. wishes to announce the appxintment of Charles G. Smith-Jones to the post of Manager, personnel division. Mr. Smith- Jones is married to Mr. Pinchface’s plain daughter, Olive, and butters up his father-in-law every Wednesday after-

Gary Lautens

A column in the Toronto Star.

noon on the handball court where he consistently loses to the president of the company.

Mr. Smith-Jones tells snappy jokes, is loads of fun at a party and diws a de‘ as- tating imitation of Sam Zonk, J. J. Pinchface’s chief compeutor in .he screw and bolt fieid.

The sppointment fs to take place im- Mediaiely and is to be followed by an- other promoiion within six months, or less.

Or how about this:

J. J. Pinchface Screw and Bolt Ltd. wishes to announce the appointment of Charles G. Smith-Jones to its manage- Toent team.

Mr. Smith-Jones has a well-deserved Teputation in the industry for vic.ous- ness and is considered a master at trimming costs, driving staff and m- creasing protits.

His hobby is hanging around the office

weekends in the hope of uncovering mis- takes made by other executives whom he hopes soon to replace.

And, finally...

Chari»s G. Smith-Jones, a former cab- inet minister, has been appointed to the board of directors of J. J. Pinchface Screw and Rolt Ltd) Mr. SmitnVores’ name w.il add class to the company sta- tionery and may be the key to obtaining lucrat:\" government contracts in the years «ead.

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