issue 09 / volume 41

So you want to pretend you're on

‘The Big Bang Theory’?

» Closed Captioning Karaoke takes Normcore to regular new heights

Sharon Miki Humour Editor 4 humour @theotherpress.ca

ave you ever wondered

what it’s like to make a smart comeback like Abby Sciuto on NCIS? Do you fantasize about impressing your friends with a classic Sheldon-from-The-Big-Bang- Theory zinger? Then you might be up fora night on the town at Coquitlam’s newest mom- approved nightspot—Closed Captioning Karaoke Bar.

“I’ve spent a lot of time in Japan...ese restaurants in Coquitlam, so I do definitely fancy myself a bit

: of anexpert on popular Asian: : entertainment. But I tried going : : to karaoke here, andit wasall : : just people singing! So stressful: : and also boring. Then it dawned : : on me: not everyone loves : : music—but everyone loves

: Modern Family. So I figured I'd

: give the people what they want,” : explained Closed Captioning

: Karaoke owner, Leroy Gibbs.

The bar has a unique

concept: patrons come in, order : French fries and soda pop, : : and then take turns reading

: the lines of characters from

: their favourite television shows : from a TV monitor with closed

: captioning enabled. You can

: gather a large group to read

: around the table for a large-cast : show, or—if you dont really

5

lam not Tel My eto had me,tested.

have any friends—you can just : read all of the characters’ lines : to yourself like a crazy person.

“I always thought I was

a better actress than Kerry Washington,” said Closed : Captioning regular, Sheryl

: Whatshername. “Now I can

: prove it to my friends—over

: and over—while they’re trying : to have lunch!”

: has garnered a cult-like : following of patrons who

Indeed, Closed Captioning :

humour // 23

: are eager to recite lines from : their fave shows in public.

: Unfortunately, despite being mw: filled to capacity most days, : Gibbs admits to some early

: struggles the business has "|: experienced.

“Well, we're always pretty

: full I guess—but it takes a

: lot longer for people to get

: through a few complete one-

: hour drama shows than it does : for them to get through a few

: Journey songs like at regular Image courtesy CBS ; karaoke. So we have to turn : a lot of people away. Also,

: reading zombie moans from : The Walking Dead doesn’t

really encourage people to

spend much money on food

: : and drinks.”

College Confessional...

» ICBC weight times

Kirsten Scott-Wuori Columnist

Did you forget to wear a shirt today? Did you wear too many shirts today? Were you so hungry after lunch that you found yourself eating barely- trash Timbits from the cafeteria garbage can? Did you get your period in any memorable way? We want to know about it.

We know that there are times in your life when you look at yourself and you can barely believe the shameful person looking back at you—but

don’t worry! There’s absolutely absolution in sharing. Get it off your chest. Send us your most cringe-worthy confessions at humour@theotherpress.ca, and

: spread the shame.

his week I had to go renew my driver’s licence. Now

: most people would agree that

: the photo is the worst part,

: and don’t get me wrong, I have : had some beauties over the

: years: the sweaty looking one,

: the double chin one, and of

: course the one where I wore no : makeup and people question if : it’s me. Priceless. So this time

: I was ready with my hair and

: makeup done, I wasn’t rushed

: or sweaty—I thought I was

: prepared.

The curveball they threw

: me this time wasn’t the picture, : but the personal information

: on the card: name, address,

: birth date, hair and eye colour,

, Secs oBrii

: ; LEE,

JANE

Restrictions:

Class: 5

Sex:F

: weight. Consistently when I

: have gone to renew or apply for : anything with ICBC I get a nice : man who asks me to verify the

Endorsements:

DL:1234562 :

issued: 2012-Nov-30 08: 1987-Apr-06 : . Expires: 2077-Nov-30

21

lm Bian: A No

Well this time I get a woman, and when I hand the sheet back she takes one : look at the weight I have just certified as correct (50 kg)

: and hands it back, informing me that I should update the

: : weight. Ouch. Because I had : no idea what my weight was in

: kilograms (why would I need to

RITISH

we51.0kg HEI75 cm COLUMBIA

Eyes: BLU

$10 GOVERNMENT STREET VICTORIA BC ew 3v¥8

Hair: BRN

Photo Illustration by Joel McCarthy : . : my mind. : above info, I pretend to read

: jt over and I then tell him that

: yes, it is all good (including my : weight from high school).

: know?) I had to tell this woman : my current weight—I was too

: scared to lie again—and she did : the math for me (yay), in front

: of acrowded waiting room.

Needless to say, this time the picture was the last thing on

—Jessica, 27, Vancouver

You cAN'T PINE FOREVER.

a 8

PUNa3. Tum BLA

By Sarah Walker