little boy and four dogs are dead. But hey—how was the threesome, Mom?

On the ninth day of Christmas break, the news gods gave to thee: a Washington state Governor, tentatively. It’s Rossi. It’s McGregor. It’s Rossi. It’s McGregor. Who cares? Bush won. But on and on it went on King 5 and Komo 4 for weeks and weeks after the real election was over. Republican Dino Rossi was declared the initial winner by a margin of a few hun- dred votes. Then votes were found and McGregor had won. Now McGregor has won by 129“votes and is mostly almost certainly the winner. Then I remembered

UPN had Seinfeld reruns on so I changed channels. Click.

On the tenth day of Christmas break, the news gods gave to thee: open borders for Albertan beef. After a 19-month bor- der restriction on Albertan beef, triggered by a single case of mad cow discovered in Canada (after multiple cases in the States), the US has decided to let us back in. How sweet. One cow was found to have BSE (mad cow disease) and it cost the cattle industry $5 billion. The border is expect- ed to open in March with some restrictions. To celebrate the December 29 announcement, Canada promptly

announced a new case of BSE the next day. No worries though—the cow was a family pet, and you can’t get mad cow from casual tipping.

On the eleventh day of Christmas break, the news gods gave to thee: a mas- sive club fire in Buenos Aires. On December 30, 4,000 teenagers crammed into an Argentine nightclub to watch their favourite band, Los Callejeros. Someone lit a flare that ignited the foam—yes, foam—ceiling. It spread like wildfire and, due to the locked back doors and barred windows, claimed 186 lives. On a bad night at the Steel Monkey you’d see maybe

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one death. Two, tops. But 186? That’s insane and unnecessary. Natural disasters happen without warning or cause. But putting 4,000 people at risk by barring windows and locking doors to stop 10 people from sneaking in is inexcusable. Owners of the bar are being tracked down to express remorse and regret over the lost business.

And on the twelfth day of Christmas break, the news gods gave to me: a pro- found sadness for all the death and tragedy. So I got shit-faced and woke up with no pants. Hope it was a Merry Christmas y’all.

Mountain of Grief: Wave of Relief

Brandon Ferguson, News Editor

n the wake of the tsunami that I destroyed the area surrounding its

Indian Ocean epicentre, claiming lives from Indonesia to India, Thailand to Tanzania, and Sri Lanka to Somalia, relief aid is flowing in to the region from around the world. Nations and organiza- tions have collected $3.7 billion to date.

The earthquake that caused the tsuna- mi struck just northwest of the Indonesian island of Sumatra, measuring 9.0 on the Richter scale. It is the largest earthquake to hit the planet in 40 years and caused waves that reached more than six metres in height and obliterated Indonesia and Sri Lanka. The tsunami traveled as far as 2,500 km to reach the African coast.

Initial casualty tolls estimated over 20,000 deaths. The numbers rose steadily and tragically, and now nearly 200,000 are confirmed dead. Indonesia has suffered overt 110,000 deaths, Sri Lanka 30,000, India nearly 10,000, and Thailand over 5,000. Many of those who died in Thailand were travelers in the tourist town of Phuket.

On the local front, Douglas College is collecting donations in a joint effort with the Douglas Students’ Union (DSU) and the good folks at Douglas College Model United Nations. All donations collected at the Cashier and Registrar by January 11were matched by the federal govern- ment. But just because government generosity is a limited time offer doesn’t mean yours has to be.

There are a number of scams going around town as the lowest of the low attempt to take advantage of the kind hearts reaching out to help those affected by this tragedy. To avoid such charlatans, if you’re interested in making a donation, you can contact External Relations Coordinator Raphaella Weissgerber (604.527.5112), or donate directly to the

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Red Cross, Oxfam Canada, UNICEF, or Doctors Without Borders.

The DSU crew plans to hold future events to continue raising money for tsunami relief. “While the money raised so far is vital for the initial recovery, the area has been decimated and it will take years said

to fully recoup what’s been lost,”

Japan’s $500 million, Bush upped the ante to $350 million. However, Canada initially offered $4 million, as did the European Union, so it seems that all nations are now treating international aid as if it were a Christmas-light competition and everyone wants to put out the fattest Santa. Which is fine—if the money is getting to where

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Treasurer and humanitarian Ryan Lam. “This has to be an ongoing effort.” While fundraising efforts are under- way and ongoing on campus, the pace has slowed down to a smug self-congratulato- ry swagger internationally. George Bush’s initial pledge of $15 million was met with catcalls, and in light of Australia’s $810 million, Germany’s $688 million, and

it has to go, who cares about political pos- turing, right?

Besieged United Nations leader Kofi Annan asked for, and got, the $3-plus bil- lion he felt would be needed for the initial recovery period. However, he has warned that this must not become an internation- al pissing contest as there are other regions and future disasters that will

require just as much financial assistance as this “it” tragedy. The seven-man, two-jeep African Union army still requires weapons, armour, and pants to quell the Sudanese genocide. As does _ the Democratic Republic of Congo. And I hear that AIDS is still arcound—how retro.

European Union Commissioner for Development and Humanitarian Assistance, Louis Michel, characterized the international effort as a beauty con- test. “It’s not really important to be in competition to know who will promise the highest level,’ he said. Both Australia and Germany took the lead in the contest with major supplemental donations last Wednesday. They both came after Annan had announced that the global communi- ty had met their needs for the initial recovery phase.

At the time of our deadline, word had come in of a young kid—our age—who had survived for over a week at sea. Rizal Shahputta, 23, was swept out to sea with his family while working on a mosque on the northern tip of Sumatra. Children came in to warn him of the waves but they were all taken away by the brute force of nature. He watched as every member of his blood drowned before his eyes over the coming days at sea. He survived on coconuts that he opened with a doorknob he found among the floating debris. Rizal was found by a container ship 160 km from where he’d been swept away. That’s from here to Seattle. In the ocean.

I try my best to make light of most news events but this one’s impossible. While governments will posture and do what they do, treating tragedies like photo ops and lives like dice, you can donate as an individual. Whether it’s money to a cause or time to a prayer, please give because you can.