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Dig it baby. Dig it!

Submit yo’ worries away to lastcall_op @ yahoo.ca and see her advice to you the following week.

Why won’t you let Miss Aikman help —, - you with yo’ problems, Baby? Miss Aikman loves ya, Baby. She does.

Last Call

Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist

Dear Amanda, I need your help. I am a 24-year-old first-year student at Douglas and I’m freaking out!

I had no idea college would be so hard. I feel like the homework is totally overwhelming me. It’s only one month into the semester and I’m already falling way behind, I have no idea how I’m supposed to catch up and keep caught up as the semester progresses.

I think I’m in way over my head and I need some advice to stop me from stressing out and dropping out!

—Sarah B.

Dear Sarah,

Waa waa waaaa. School is hard. I have too much homework, what should I do?

Suck it up, chump. That’s what you should do.

Do you mean to tell me that after only one month as a student, you’ve already forgotten how shitty life is in the real world? Well, P've recently returned to the real world and believe me, it sucks way harder than student life ever could. So you have to write a few papers, attend a few pubnights, and wake up before noon three days a week to sit in a room and listen to someone talk about poetry. You call that a problem? That’s not a problem; that’s a luxury.

Would you rather be digging ditches or flipping burgers? Perhaps, instead of reading textbooks and recovering from hangovers, you’d prefer to spend every weekend at the mall selling overpriced denim or frozen yogurt? Face it; you’ve got it good. I’d gladly trade your assignment anxiety for my unemployment stress any day. You see, I’ve been where you are. The difference is, that I didn’t spend my time whining and taking it for granted. No maam. I took that student-loan money and bought myself some fancy new clothes and a round of tequila for all of my friends. I relished every Saturday morning that I got to sleep in, the extended Christmas

breaks, and all the days I skipped class to get it started down at Scruffy’s. I learned some stuff, too; but that’s another story.

My point is, that just like I’ve been where you are, you will one day be where I am. And it sucks. So why bother being miserable now while you’re at school, when a whole lifetime of misery awaits you after gradu- ation?

Don’t spend your days stressing over teachers and homework and blah blah blah. That’s not what college is for. College is a get-out-of-jail-for-two-years card. A respite from reality. A last chance for loafers. Once it’s over, by all means, return to your shitty service-industry career and cry yourself to sleep on your dirty, lumpy mattress every night. Until then, don’t bother me with your “problems.”

But alas, I’m here to help not to judge. So here’s some advice: try sleeping with your teachers. If that doesn’t work try sleeping with the smart, ugly kids in your class; that’s usually good for a free research paper or two.

Sincerely, Amanda Aikman lastcall_op@yahoo.ca