Never Say Never to campy

pop

By Sharon Miki

successful release of Justin Bieber’s

3-D documentary masterpiece Never Say Never—the film made an estimated » thirty million dollars in its opening weekend— it seems like an opportune time to examine some of the most memorable pop star-fuelled cinematic triumphs and tragedies.

E the wake of last month’s highly

Never Say Never (2011), Justin Bieber

“Tt’s like, totally, like, a life changing experience. I, like, cried. I really will never say ‘never,’ ever again,” said a tweenish girl sitting behind me on the bus the other day. Indeed, if box office sales are any indication, studio executives will likely never say never to churn out this kind of low-production- cost crap. Following Justin through his 2010 My World tour and intercut with scenes of the young star’s childhood ambitions and family life, Never Say Never allows teenage girls to visually- pleasure themselves to their idol—in 3-D!

Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert (2008), Miley Cyrus

Miley’s attempt currently holds the record for the top grossing concert- documentary opening. However— although I might be biased by the fact that Miley’s voice makes me want to have my ears sealed shut with a Swingline stapler—I feel that this movie is cheating. Really, poor fictional Hannah Montana did most of the work in this one, so it’s not fair to give Miley all

oie LeINTON

star movies

the credit. Rating? Best of no worlds.

Glitter (2001), Mariah Carey

While critics and box offices alike panned Mariah’s millennial quasi-biographical flick, I consider it a true tour de force of the campy pop star movie genre. Set in the sparkling world of the 1980’s club scene, Mariah also released the film’s soundtrack as an accompanying album. With a nonsensical plot, random murders and ill-cqnceived mother-daughter drama, there’s nothing better than a little Glitter to add some sparkle to a bad day.

Crossroads (2002), Britney Spears

Long before she turned blue for the Na’vi in Avatar, Zoe Saldana was accompanying Britney Spears on a cross- country road trip to filmic obscurity. While Crossroads highlighted Britney’s inability to act, it will always be a secret favourite of mine for introducing me to my early-twenties theme song, “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.”

Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991), Madonna

The documentary-concert style of this sexy romp around the Material Girl’s world circa her 1990 Blonde Ambition tour established the big-screen template from which Miley and Justin’s flicks were born. However, in contrast to the saccharine tween-friendly, heart- warming marketing of Justin’s effort, Madonna’s movie features the ultimate trifecta of good film-going: cone bras, simulated masturbation and a chagrined Warren Beatty.

| A GREAT OLD FASHIONED PIZZA & PASTA

Pa \

Lae an om M avin lentl amen

- Aw Time TOU a

Ae sere mr me UL ASL

by New ~* mT OC en rere i NO adc a. 0 0 at dt ade)

ae

www.papadavespizza.ca | Delivery minimum $15 (charges apply) _ re

6049522°4001

13