INSIDE DOUGLAS COLLEGE / MARCH 6, 1990

Women on their own

a: our couple-oriented society, single women who are on their own often suffer from low self-es- teem and feel like second class citizens.

But this doesn’t have to be the case, says counsellor Louise Moreau, whose private practice in- cludes counselling and workshops for women. Instead, being single

and on your own can provide new choices and opportunities.

In a four-part course offered at Douglas College in New Westminster, women who are divorced, separated, widowed or alone by choice have the chance to get together to discuss common is- sues. The course runs March 7, 14, 21 and 28th.

Grief help offered at College ES, veryone eventually suffers the loss of a relative or close friend. The impact of such an emotional ex- perience can be devastating.

"We live in a sort of ‘death benign’ culture," says psychologist ,, Denis Boyd. "The subject of death

* or dying is generally shielded away from. It makes it difficult for people to share their feelings and thus diminish their grief."

Boyd, who wrote his masters thesis on grief-related problems, is offering a one-day workshop at Douglas College on March 8 called Living Through Grief. Boyd co-founded B.C.’s first volunteer palliative care program 15 years ago.

"The workshop is not just for the bereaved," he says, "but also for those who want to comfort a grieving person and don’t know how. Mourners aren’t the only ones who will benefit. People who want to be better prepared and more comfortable in dealing with the issue will also benefit."

Boyd will offer practical suggestions on what to say and what not to say to a grief-stricken person. There are healthy and unhealthy forms of grief, he adds. Participants will be taught how to recognize and avoid self-destructive emotions that draw-out and intensify the grieving process, or lead to depression and excessive guilt.

Participants will learn not to fear some of the thoughts and emotions they may experience when dealing with grief, and they will learn to un- derstand that their feelings are normal.

Factors influencing individual grief reactions will also be examined and discussed.

The one-day Living Through Grief workshop runs from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Thursday, March 8 at the College. The registration fee is $30. To enroll call 527-5472. @

“Participants will come up with coping strategies to help them deal with their problems," Moreau says.

The question of identity is one issue shared by women on their own. "Women on their own are not given the same status as women who are in relationships and fulfill- ing the traditional roles of mother and wife," Moreau says. "So often there’s low self-esteem associated with being on your own, by virtue of how society sees you. In the workshop, we break down some of those stereotypical ideas and try to challenge them."

Participants are encouraged to move away from the negative aspects of being on their own, and. examine positive aspects of being single. For example, Moreau says women on their own can make their own decisions and decide what they really want. They can be- come more "self-focussed instead of other-focussed."

In the workshop, the women also look at common emotional is- sues. "Loneliness is one of the key issues," Moreau says. "Often women on their own lose their net- work of friends they had before be- coming single. You have to establish new links with people, and this can be hard, especially if you haven’t done it in a while."

Other issues discussed in the workshop include safety and finan- cial matters. Participants will give each other a tremendous amount of support and validation of their life- styles, says Moreau. "Women must learn to use the experience of being on their own as a time of oppor- tunity," she adds.

The workshop, Women On Their Own, is slated for Wednesday evenings, March 7, 14, 21 and 28 from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. The cost is $43. For more information call 527- 5472. @

A SE a TENN ARCH T Te HRNTON ET HCE