issue 30 // volume 40

Man breaks his four-year-old Samsung phone by dropping it in water

» Is mad because Apple won't give him a new one for free

Livewlres: Augu

¥ Eric Wilkins Sports Editor & Msports Wy || | @theotherpress.ca

...because why publish fresh, local content when you can pull an article from the newswire used by hundreds of papers across the country?

Fleet Foxes to change name (Rolling Stoned) Looking to increase their following in England, American indie-folk band Fleet Foxes are on

the verge of a name change. An inside source reported that the decision was inspired by the popular English group Bastille. Taking Bastille’s lead, Fleet Foxes will focus on an important national celebration as well: Bonfire Day.

The manager for the band was apparently left a little in the dark regarding the change though as one of the members said, “He doesn’t know why.”

st Edition

: Fraser Institute’s hockey team struggles (ESP) : The Fraser Institute, looking for another avenue

: to keep their researchers engaged, has started a

: recreational hockey team. The highly respected

: think-tank has started slowly in their season

: though due to the squad being comprised entirely : of right-wingers. Hockey expert Donna Badjacket : commented that, “The group really suffers from overly conservative coaching as well.”

: TransClink tapping out (Canadian Mess)

: TransClink is set to raise fares this fall to fund

: the undertaking of another massive project. The

: Compass system, long held as the solution to

: fare-evasion, will be completely removed from

: SkyTrain stations by 2017. The transportation

: authority had tried in recent months to cover up

: the system going south by promoting the card as : a mini-lottery, with users having a 9-in-10 chance : of winning/actually being able to pay, but beta-

: testers quickly grew savvy to the ruse.

: “While we regret these latest fare increases, we

hope to soften the blow to users by offering free : ‘track walks’ after their extreme popularity last : month,’ said TransClink spokesman Max Delay.

Sharon Miki Humour Editor M4 humour @theotherpress.ca

pple Inc. is offering its

deep sympathies—in the form of one guy saying, “Er, I’m sorry that you're... upset?” —to a disgruntled man who took to social media to complain about

the company’s customer service. :

The only hitch? The man did not buy his phone from Apple, nor was it an Apple phone. “Just because I dropped my phone while aggressively Tindering in the bathtub, and it shattered on the tub floor, and also had water damage, doesn’t change the fact that I feel that Apple should be responsible for the quality of my phone,” said disgruntled customer Ryan Ronaldo, 25, ina series of

last week. “Don’t any companies take pride in ensuring that the public is happy anymore?” Indeed, after breaking his phone, Ronaldo went to his

a full refund for his first- generation Samsung Galaxy (a product never carried by Apple) and a new iPhone 5. When

a bemused employee turned him away because the phone “was nearly four-years old, was never under any warranty, had obviously sustained physical damage by the customer, and was in fact a Samsung and

not an Apple phone,” Ronaldo began an aggressive anti- Apple social media campaign. Ronaldo's “Take a bite outta Apple” campaign drew limited media attention from other

humour // 23

This is just like that time that I ate raw chicken from the grocery store and then the store refused to reimburse me for my lost wages when I got food poisoning and couldn't go to work!

people that like to complain : about things that are their own : fault.

“I support Ronaldo because

: this is just like that time that

: Tate raw chicken from the

: grocery store and then the store : refused to reimburse me for

: my lost wages when I got food statements released over Twitter : : work,” said one supporter, Lloyd : Dobler.

poisoning and couldn't go to

“Yeah, or it’s also like that

: time I tried to sue my bank

: because there was no money in local Apple store and demanded : : deposit money in the account

: doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have

: the right to freely use my debit : card!” sympathized Erica Kane.

my account. Just because I don’t

It remains somewhat

: unclear as to why Ronaldo

: feels that Apple should be held

: responsible for his mistake, a

: fact augmented by Ronaldo’s

: own explanation: “I don’t know : why I picked Apple... but why

: not them? Why should J have to : pay for my own mistakes?”

In the end, however, all that

: Ronaldo has received at press : time is re-tweeted support and a : few hugs from his mother.

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