THE STUDENTS GUIDE TO LEWD SEXUAL ACTS

Complied by Brady N. Ehler, OP Contributor

Have you ever been left scratching your head, while your friends bust a gut laughing about some guy named Dirty Sanchez? Are you and your partner tired of having the same old missioffary-style intercourse? Do you have five minuets to waste before studying for your class starts, and have already cleaned your nails? If so, it just be your lucky day, for you have just so happened upon

Yes, for the first time in the history of the universe, space and time, heré fg the list of the quintessential lewd sexual acts and manoeuvres.

WARNING: The Other Press does not condone, recommend, or advise participation in ANY of the following lewd sexual acts.

Basically, if you do any of this crazy shit with another consenting adult, well, that’s your business. But come on, how many people actually pull a Houdini after a Screwnicorn? Everyone knows yy ones always cums first. ABRACADABRA! _

The Angry Dragon: Immediate shes sjarnlating i in your partner’s mouth, strike your partner in the back of their head, so the ejaculate comes out theif nose,

The Chocolate Glove: Defecating in a condom, freezing it, and then using it as a sexual aid.

The Dirty Sanchez: While having sex with your partner from behind, insert your finger into their anus. When your partner turns around, draw a moustache on their face with your soiled finger, and yell out, “Dirty Sanchez!”

The Donkey Punch: While having sex with your partner from behind, immediately before orgasm, strike your part- ner in the back of the head, they will tighten up, thus increasing your orgasm.

The Dutch Oven: Flatulating during intercourse.

The Fireman; Immediate before ejaculating, set your part- ner’s pubic hairs on fire, then douse the flames with your ejaculate.

Golden Showers: Urinating on your partner before, dur- ing, or after sex.

The Hot Carl: Performing fellatio on your partner, while they defecate.

The Hot Carla: Performing cunnilingus on your partner, while they defecate.

The Houdini: While having sex with your partner from behind, pull out and spit on your partner’s back. When

your partner turns around, ejaculate in their face and yell ABRACADABRA!

Lucky Pierre: The man in the middle of a three-way.

The Mexican Chilli-Dog (a Scheizer variation): Defecating between your partner's breasts, then having intercourse with them.

The Rodeo: While having sex with your partner from behind, yell out someone else’s name, and then see how long you can hang on.

The Roman Conquest: At the moment of climax, setting your partner's pubic hair on fire, then throwing salt into the penetrated orifice.

The Screwnicorn: Pleasuring your partner with a strap-on

dildo secured on your head.

The Sheizer: Defecating on your partner before, during, of aftersex,

The Shocker; Inserting your thumb into your partnetr’s anus, while penetrating their vagina with 2 or more fingers.

The Stranger: Si then masturba _

The Tea Bag: The act of bobbing your testicles into your partner's mouth, while they perform oral sex on your anus.

The Tony Danza (a variation of the Houdini): While having sex with your partner from behind, pull out and spit on your partner's back. When your partner turns

around, ejaculate in their face and yell, “Who’s The Boss!?”

Tossing Salad: Oral sex performed on your partner’s anus, with the aid of condiments.

Washing the Dog: Trying to insert both your testicles in your partner’s vagina. This is just as difficult as ging to get a dog in the tub.

The Western Grip: Masturbation with yo (with the thumb facing you).

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