issue 11// volume 44

It’s cold outside

> New polls show a rise in winter weather anxieties

Jillian McMullen Staff Writer

Statistics Canada recently published new research showing that 8g per cent of Vancouverites are fearful of cold weather, up from last year’s figure of 55 per cent.

The federal statistical office was tasked with determining how the country was confronting climate change as a whole. The survey results showed an increase of concern for erratic storms across all provinces, with most participants listing a fear of violent hurricanes. However, researchers noticed a particular concern that was unique to the Metro Vancouver area: A fear of snow.

The Other Press got in contact with Mike Fibonacci, one of the main statisticians working on the survey, to ask him why Vancouver’s numbers stood out. He explained that most residents were unsure what to do when confronted with cold weather.

“[In the survey] many Vancouver

residents listed a fear that frozen precipitate threatens their West Coast lifestyle, and forces the cancellation of weekend hiking trips, along with halting their Sunday brunches.”

When asked what might explain the sharp rise, Fibonacci stated that last year’s particularly irregular winter precipitated many of these anxieties.

“Yes, it seems as though, unlike literally everywhere else in the country, Vancouverites don’t seem to understand why snow would fall in the region at all. For many, 2016 was a rough year, and the heavy snowfall was just another slap in the face for many residences,” he said. “Most who live in Vancouver have been exclusively told that ‘Tt just rains here, and the phrase had become a sort of tongue-in-cheek joke among the residents. This joke seems to have hoodwinked many of those residents into believing it only rains here.”

Michelle Tougee, Kitsilano resident, felt her expectations have been misled by the city’s image. “I just don’t get it.

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Like, yeah, Canada’s cold, but this is

Vancouver. Snow shouldn't happen here.” The city of Vancouver has organized

an open panel to address these

concerns about the upcoming winter

season. There, residents can meet with

municipal officials to discuss what to

Research suggests women envy moustaches, not penises

> UBC study builds on Freud's theory of female psychology

Jake Wray News Editor

“Her self-love is mortified by the comparison with the boy’s far superior equipment.” — Sigmund Freud, 1933

Oz of Sigmund Freud’s most controversial and discredited theories might have some truth to it.

As part of his overall theory about the psycho-sexual development of pre- adolescent girls, Freud postulated that girls are deeply affected at an early age by the realization that they do not have penises. He theorized that girls have an innate desire to have heterosexual intercourse with their mothers, and that they are unable to do so without a penis, so they envy boys and men (including their father) for having penises. This envy, according to Freud, is held subconsciously for the rest of a woman's life, and influences her personality. The penis envy theory has been criticized as heteronormative, misogynistic, and patriarchal.

Freud’s psycho-sexual theories lack empirical proof and, until now, have been more a matter of philosophy than science. In early 2014, a group of researchers at UBC set out to change that by starting a scientific study to verify the penis envoy theory. What they found took them by surprise.

“We anticipated that our research would show Freud’s theory to be completely baseless,” said Karen Green, UBC psychology research fellow and lead author of the study. “Instead, we found his envy framework mostly sound, except it was centered on the wrong object.”

Using re-purposed Iranian copper mind plugs and state-of-the-art brain imaging software, researchers tapped

directly into the brains of 2458 female test subjects to view what the subjects were subconsciously thinking. The researchers found that most of the test subjects did not want to have intercourse with their mothers when they were children, as Freud suggested, but instead simply wanted to impress their mothers. Consequently, the test subjects did not envy men’s penises— they envied men’s moustaches.

Green and her team then conducted an additional experiment which found moustaches are innately impressive to adult women.

“There was already a wealth of scientific evidence telling us that women don't find penises impressive,” Green said. “Despite the obvious glory of moustaches, there was no empirical evidence indicating how women felt about them.”

A primary group of female test subjects were exposed to a man with a real moustache, a placebo group of test subjects was exposed to that man with a fake moustache, and a control group of test subjects was exposed to the same man clean-shaven. Post- exposure questionnaires filled out by all participants showed that many women in the primary and placebo groups experienced elevated moods and an increased libido after the encounter, even if they claimed to not like moustaches. The control group experienced little or no elevation of mood or libido.

“The implications of this research are vast,” said Deepthi Arora, a psychology professor at McGill University who also runs a private practice. “I’m ashamed to admit that I have counselled numerous female patients with slight moustaches, and I encouraged all of them to shave or wax.

Tom Churchill, a barber who has owned a shop in Vancouver's

>

East Side neighbourhood since 1963, said the study confirms something he had already observed.

“I’ve been doing this for 50 years, and moustaches have easily been the most common fixation among both men and

humour // no. 23

do about the “winter problem,” and

work together to develop ways with

the city to halt the season’s approach. The meeting will convene

at 8 p.m. at Vancouver City Hall

on Thursday, November 23.

women,” he said. “Some women ask me if I can give them a moustache. I tell them ‘Lady, I just cut hair—I don't grow it!”

Photo by Analyn Cuarto

Illustration by Cara Seccafien