issue 4// vol 46

humour // no. 17

FOUND: Lost button, pen without a lid, and broken umbrella

» Claim your beloved irreplaceable lost items today!

Craig Allan & Janis McMath Staff Writer / Assistant Editor

button was found outside of the

econd-floor entrance to the cafeteria at the New Westminster Campus. It is a button for the band Frank Hops; who appears to be a local band, and their button emblazoned with a heart and flowers also has the word “Wicked Charmer” around it. Which is the album... possibly.

The pin on the back is broken. It was fixed by the finder, but it is still broken. This button was likely on a back pack. Perhaps the owner was running to get some of that sweet, sweet Tim Horton’s cuisine. Maybe they were buying a donut to use asa substitute bun for a Triple O burger. If they did that, at least losing the button was only going to be the second most depressing

Illustration by Janis McMath

Students walk out of classes to — protest adulthood’s sticker deficit

» The group is making big and shiny demands

Michele Provenzano Staff Writer

ollege and university students across British Columbia participated in a walk out last Wednesday to demand the resurgence of what many feel is a fundamental human right: receiving stickers.

According to Millie Neal, Douglas College student and organizer of the event, young adults across the province are distraught upon having realized that stickers are merely a childhood memory.

“Despite being frequently and abundantly distributed to us during childhood and even into our teenage years, stickers have suddenly become obsolete. We're in our twenties now, and we've realized we're no longer receiving them,” Neal told the Other Press. “The worst thing? We didn't even notice the point in time at which they stopped being granted to us. All of the sudden, they're gone. Frankly, it’s distressing.”

CC

We're going to keep sticking it to the man until the man sticks something in our sticker books.”

Neal began organizing the walk out when her Facebook post went viral. “I posted a status that said, ‘Remember as a kid u just get stickers all the time? Why tf don't I get stickers for like paying my rent and showing up to work doe?? Lolz. At first, it got a laugh-react and one or two sad-reacts from my friends. But then a friend shared it, and from then it just, like, snowballed. So like, yeet,” Neal stated before hitting the whoa.

The young social media influencer received hundreds of comments from fellow frustrated young adults lamenting the loss of the familiar phenomenon. Many described the tumult it causes in the transitional phase from adolescence to maturity. Support for Neal’s concern over the sticker-barren landscape of adulthood prompted her to act.

Thousands stormed out of Douglas College’s New Westminster campus and took to the sidewalk of Eighth Street gripping protest signs with Sharpie-written slogans such as, “IF 1 DON’T GETA STICKER HOW DO I KNOW IF I DIDA GOOD THING OR NOT?!”

Post-secondary students have been an especially vocal demographic of adults affected by the strife.

“In sixth grade, when I got a good grade on my English test, I'd get a glittery glow-in-the-dark sticker of a smiling star smacked right onto the top of the sheet,”

student Hector Yuen shared with the Other

Press during the walk out. “Now, if I get an Aonan English 130 assignment, I don't get anything.”

Acknowledging the glares received from students marching adjacent to him, Yuen continued, “Okay so maybe not an A, but you know what I mean. Good grades don't get you stickers anymore. It’s sick. It’s

like, why even try?”

“You go through life getting used to literally being handed symbols of achievement, and then those symbols just disappear,’ alumna Kelly Green chimed in. “I don’t know how to measure my achievements anymore. Sure, I have a decent job and I’m paying my bills, but am I succeeding in life? Damn it, | still have my childhood sticker book handy in the glove box of my car in case that fateful day comes when my boss calls me into her office to give mea sticker of a monkey holding a banana in one hand and giving a thumbs up with the other.”

thing they did that day.

Ina similar location, a simple BIC pen (not even a Cello Butterflow) with a chewed bottom was found without a lid. The teeth marks could possibly be identifiable, so if this is your cherished pen please come into the office and prepare to have your teeth imprint taken to ensure that the pen goes back to its rightful owner. An umbrella with some of it’s short and long ribs snapped was also found accidentally shoved into the trash. The Other Press has rescued the umbrella and now has in in “safekeeping” at their Douglas College office. If you would like to see your button or umbrella back, just write an article about the importance of securing your buttons to your items with proper button latching and an article about not taking your umbrella out in the blustering winds.

The march remained peaceful. However, several nearby business owners were disgruntled by the booming voices. A simple repeating chant lasted for almost an hour, one that sums up the heart of the issue: “WE STILL NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION.” A subgroup of protestors occasionally shouted, “NOW MORE THAN EVER.”

Where will Neal take her activism next? “Maybe city hall,” she said. “We're going to keep sticking it to the man until the man sticks something in our sticker books.”