August 2004

People are Just Like Animals

Tessa MacKinnon OP Contributor

Features

I really believe that certain people are animals—not in the sense that they act like animals, but that they look like animals. Not everyone has this quality, but every once in a while, I’ll meet someone and the first thought that springs to my mind will be “mouse,” or “dog,” or “blue jay.” Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever met a blue jay before, but I have met a robin, a stork, a rabbit, several cats, a deer, and a crane. Sometimes the likeness will be so strong that I can’t stop myself from articulating what I perceive to be an uncanny resemblance, and end up blurting out, “You’re such a duck!” or what- ever the animal happens to be.

Inevitably, or perhaps not surpris- ingly given this approach, the person will be offended. I still haven’t learned how to explain it properly. I am never sure of the right way to introduce the concept to them, so saying it point blank is my current tactic. I then try to explain away their offense at being called an otter or a salamander by telling them the association is purely physical and never negative—I’m not trying to insult anyone.

I understand that it can be difficult to separate an animal’s characteris- tics from its physical being, which is why people often have a hard time grasping the premise of my think- ing. If I call someone a cat, it does- n't mean that person is aloof or proud like cats are accused of being; it means she is cat-like in some way, that she moves stealthily and softly like a cat, or has wise cat-like eyes. If I call someone a bird of some sort, it doesn’t mean that person possess- es a brain the size of a bird; it might mean he has similar colouring to a bird, or has long limbs reminiscent

of a particular bird. It usually takes quite a few examples for people to grasp this concept, especially if they are resistant to the animal I have deemed them to look like, such as a spider, or a chicken.

On the flip side, if I explain this compulsion of mine to someone, the immediate response is inevitably, “So what animal am I?” People are rarely satisfied with the answer I give them—if I have one to give at all. I often have to explain that not every- one has an animal. People are some- times offended by _ this, Sometimes I wonder why I persist in talking about this at all.

Most people, even after I’ve explained my system, try it out with people they know but often end up straying back into the animal’s per- sonality to look for matches. A friend of mine once said my brother was a koala, because “he’s so cute and cuddly.” My brother had a shaved head and a thick, well-mus- cled neck at the time. “Nope, he’s more like a bulldog,” I said. She tried again with a mutual acquaintance of

too.

ours, saying she was an eel, because “she’s so slick and slimy and slith- ery.” Although this was a pretty

accurate description, I said she was actually a deer, because of her large, soft brown eyes, smooth brown skin, and long, sleek limbs.

There are, of course, occasions when an animal does match the per- sonality of the person. I had a teacher in high school who was a goat—and he was definitely as dumb as one. But this is rare.

Incidentally, people’s animals are not always permanent. Physical appearances change and I would no longer call my brother a bulldog, and perhaps I would no longer call my teacher a goat (although I think he probably still is).

I have never been able to deter- mine my own animal. I think it’s dif- ficult to be objective about your own physical being, so I can understand peoples’ resistance to my stamping them with an animal that they may consider unattractive or unlikable. It’s likely we all have some animal we wish we were, such as a tiger, or maybe a dolphin. For a while, I used to think of myself as a lion because I had a thick, heavy mane of hair, but I cut it all off long ago, so maybe now I’m just a cat.

Sometimes the

ae

Likeness nill be

so strong that I cant stop myself from artuculating what I perceive to be an uncanny resemblance, and end up blurting out,

“Youve such a

duck!”

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