© the other press

| Want You to Taunt Me (A plea from the culture section.)

Amanda

Aikman

Culture Editor

What's the big idea? It seems like almost everyone

here at the Other Press has, at one time or another, been on the receiving end of your venom except

e Opinions

for me. So I’m just going to come out and say it,

I want your hate mail. I do, I really do. I want it

so badly I’m willing to resort to personal written

assaults on each and every one of you and/or your friends and loved ones. Of course I don’t know any of you, or your friends and loved ones, but I’m willing to do the research. Or at the very least to simply make stuff up. That’s how committed I am.

I know I have yet to voice any potentially inflammable political opinions like that Right Hook fella, and I have never insulted the women’s basketball team like Mr. Flash Gordon (we have a women’s basket- ball team, I know, it surprised me too), and I don’t seem to push the anger buttons that my illustrious colleague and mentor the Fabulous Ms. Kerry Evans seems to have pushed in you—but still, I have feelings too. So why not abuse them?

Okay, so maybe my reviews are too soft and my writ- ing is bland and inoffensive—fine, you could tell me that! That would work. And I mean really, don’t you remember that time when I said Ron Sexsmith’s latest

September 10, 2003

album was slightly inferior to his previous work? True, I followed that up by saying I was probably wrong and that I was sure the new album would grow on me eventually, but still—“slightly inferior,” them’s fightin’ words if I ever heard them. Eh...eh?

What's that? You don’t actually bother to read my sec- tion? That’s cool too, your derision needn't be limited to my Other Press content, feel free to criticize my hair, my clothes, my sparkling conversational skills—there’s just so much for you to work with people.

Sorry? Oh, you don’t know who I am. Well that does- n't surprise me, because you see I’m stuck up and antiso- cial—there you go, two more reasons for you to hate me. C'mon, I’m throwing you quality material here folks; all you have to do is step up to the plate.

Another tact you may want to take is to blame me for stuff that annoys you regardless of whether or not it can actually be attributed to me. The recently restricted smoking areas on campus, that new $260 dental/medical fee you have to pay this semester, the breakup of your parents’ marriage, global warming...can I really disprove my involvement in these things? No. So go ahead, bring it on. “I am human and I need to be hated, just like everybody else does.” See, I just misquoted a Smiths lyric, surely that has to get somebody’s dander up out there.

Kerry Evans Managing Editor

No one ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warn- ing to others.

Whether you plan on working for yourself or someone else, citysoup.ca and the citysoup.ca Innovation Centre have the services to help you get where you want to be.

Events

If you think no one cares you are alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

If you lend someone some cash and you never see them again, it was probably worth it.

When you go in for an interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they press charges.

Testing animals is a bad idea because they get nervous and just end up giving the wrong answer and then pee in the corner.

It’s usually best to sleep with your instructor before they submit your grades, not after.

Some people think it’s funny to throw pennies at hookers, but I

bet some kid with a piggy bank is thinking it’s a real waste.

If you are in the shower and you notice that you seem giant-like, you might want to check if you are in the sink instead of the tub.

Remember when you were a kid and you took a road trip with your family? There would be signs alerting you that McDonald’s was only one exit away and you begged your dad to pull over and then he went right by the exit laughing his head off? That’s just not funny.

3 Page 10 ¢ http://www-otherpress.ca

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