life and styje

Sex Styles: Destined or Just Desperate

Is it our soul mate or are we just settling for comfort when it comes to long-term relationships?

By Stephanie Trembath
Life and Style editor

elationships: the act of
RR econ oneself to another
person, whether it is purely

emotional or sexual. The relationship
you have with someone at work is
vastly different from the relationship
you share within your family, and
yet each requires a certain recipe
of virtues in order to be healthy
and sustainable. Society defines
relationships based on their value,
which usually means that if you’re
not getting what you need from a
specific relationship you end up
hearing the line “its not you- its me”.

Intimacy within a relationship
requires more time and commitment,
which is why it becomes difficult to
relinquish relationships with those
we have known since childhood.
Your best friend knows your deepest
secrets (even the ones you don’t
vocalize), has witnessed embarrassing
moments, and has survived the heated
arguments and differing opinions that
occur as friendships wear on. True
friends are hard to come by, but so are
good partners, which is why I have to
ask; is it destiny or desperation that
keeps us in relationships for so long?

I know numerous couples who
help each other pop zits and leave the
bathroom door open no matter what,
which is a complete one-eighty from
where the relationship started. In the
beginning of a new relationship both
parties are on their best behaviors;
spending money on dinners and
movies, agreeing with each other
constantly, and trying to keep their
SSB private. Taken from Sex and
the City, SSB is your Secret Single
Behavior; things your normally do
in private, but as you grow closer to
your partner they usually become
something you share. Some of my
secret single behaviors include online
shopping; where I fill up my shopping
cart with ridiculous clothes I cannot
afford and never buy, watching the
food network; where I yell at the
chefs who mess up even though I
cannot cook, and playing boggle.
(Obviously I am not going to share
my embarrassing private behaviors to
the public)

After-a certain period of time,

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or maybe its after you say “I love
you” or hear your prince charming
fart, everything changes and having
matching lingerie sets and shaved
legs doesn’t really matter as much.
The comfort of knowing that you
have somebody who truly cares
and shares the same ideals and
dreams surpasses the superficialities
that originally attracted you to
the relationship. The amount of
money, or status, or quality of looks,
hopefully, doesn’t matter anymore as
you become more engrossed in the
persona of the person and what you
have built together. However, there is
a very fine line between giving up and
settling, rather than finding solidarity
and happiness with the person you are
with.

Today relationships are
much like stocks; the longer the
investment- the better the payoff.
Whether it is about buying a house,
having children, or taking lengthy

vacations, the memories shared
between two people and the ability
to unite and go after the same dreams
allow for relationships to either
grow stronger, or fall apart. Having
someone to share your life with is
usually what everyone is after, it’s
why people go to bars, join clubs
and travel; everyone is looking to
meet someone they can connect with
and feel comfortable around without
worrying about picking wedgies or
blurting out something obscure. Use_

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Like fast food, long term
relationships are reassuring and easy;
your partner becomes your best friend
and knows the best and worst of you,
has made it through temper tantrum
agreements, and doesn’t care if you
gain a few pounds. However, it’s
easier to grab a Big Mac rather than

 

cook up a nice meal, so it’s possible
that we attribute the same laziness to
our love lives. Maybe it is destiny, or
possibly desperation that we search
and stay with our partners for so long.
The difference between passion and
contentment is huge; and it’s difficult
to differentiate whether or not you’re
“in love” or merely satisfied with who
you’ve become in the relationship.

In comparing home cooked
to a happy meal, you can taste the
difference in the quality of food, so
maybe you'll feel desperation setting
in after the initial butterflies have
gone and your left with someone who
doesn’t share the same aspirations
as yourself. Personally, after finding
someone that will yell at crappy
chefs on TV and play boggle with
as much determination as I do, I am
fairly certain that although I don’t
believe in destiny, the only thing I am
desperate for is a six letter word to
beat “cheese” next Friday night.