issue 31// vol 45 Instant reviews 2019 Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist In memoriam: Summer 2019 » We hardly knew ye Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor his summer, the box office gave us lots of surprise hits, remakes, and even the highest-grossing film of all time. Trends included films that brought back the nostalgia of the past or brought up our present social and political climate. With dozens of great blockbusters being released this summer, you may not have the time (or the funds!) to see all of them. Luckily, I’ve provided quick and easy reviews of this summet’s greatest flicks. The Avengers: Endgame The best Avengers film, the greatest superhero film, and the greatest film of all time. Pokémon Detective Pikachu I solved the entire mystery midway through this children’s movie. Too easy! Rocketman Is this what happens when youre famous? Aladdin Luckily it is seemingly less racist than the original version. The Secret Life of Pets 2 Despite the name, better than I thought. Late Night Honest comedy. Yesterday Ed Sheeran is inspired by the Rolling Stones? Spiderman: Far from Home A fun trip around Europe. The Lion King Pretty much Planet Earth. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood Hollywood was really bad back then, eh? lhousands gathered in front of the Vancouver Art Gallery last Sunday to pay tribute to the late Summer 2019. “It’s heartbreaking, just heartbreaking,” Vancouver local Shelley McBride said to the press. “It happens every year, but it never gets any easier.” “You always think you're ready to let go, but youre not,’ UBC student Payton Jarvis said, openly weeping. “This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I just lost my grandpa last year.” Mourners placed flowers, photographs, and other trinkets in front of a large, glossy picture of the sun. Most locals won't see daylight again until next May. “I’m not ready for the sun to set at 4 pm,” McBride said. “I just can’t go through another winter again. I can’t!” McBride wasn't the only one clinging on to the season. Police were called in to control a rowdy bunch of protesters who were throwing rocks at clouds. “We refuse to let summer go without a fight,” Angelo Sefras said to the press as he stapled leaves back onto tree branches. “Thanks to all the weird clouds and rain that stuck around in June, we feel we barely got the summer we deserve. We only want what’s ours!” The group of dissidents, called the Anti-Fallcists, were encouraging mourners to rise up and fight against the changing cc I just can't go through seasons. “Everyone fells you the seasons are cyclical,’ Sefras said, yelling through a microphone. “But have you ever considered that they don't have to be?” Other Press reporters spoke to meteorologist Peter Kapur to find out if the seasons were in fact a natural and inevitable phenomenon. “Obviously yes, they are,” Kapur said. “But what varies is human feeling and emotion. This was one of the shortest-feeling summers in the past decade. Scientists can’t explain why—it just is. Therefore it’s no surprise that so many people are clinging onto something they feel they deserve. After all, we're only human.” Protests began preparing a human sacrifice in exchange for two extra weeks of the summer season. “Tm willing to die for a cause I believe in,” Sefras said as his body was adorned with garlands of flowers and essential oils. “I am ready and willing to give my body to the sun gods, so that they may feast upon me and stay satiated for 10 to 14 days.’ A candlelight vigil is being held for those who want to continue celebrating the recently deceased season. “We're going to have people march down the street to help remember the hot summer days and long summer nights—the whole month we had of them, Jarvis said. “It’s planned for this evening—that is, if it doesn’t rain.” another winter again” —Shelley McBride, Vancouver local humour // no. 17 Bike left overnight on street still there » A modern-day miracle Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor avid Glass, the luckiest man in Vancouver, was interviewed by Other Press reporters last Sunday. The reason? The bike he left chained up overnight on Main and Second was still there when he went to pick it up the next day. “T can't believe it either,” Glass said. “After this interview, I’m going to go buy a lottery ticket.” On Saturday night, Glass went ona beer craw] with the boys from his office. After biking to several breweries in the immediate area, Glass decided he was too inebriated to bike the 20 minutes home to his apartment. “T put my U-lock on and just stood there for a second and held the handlebars,” Glass said. “I knew this would be the last time I ever saw my bike.” A recent study named Vancouver as the worst city in North America for bike theft, placing it before high-traffic cities After this interview, I'm going to buy a lottery ticket” —David Glass, lucky son of a bitch such as Toronto and New York. A local census showed that on average, each Vancouverite had the equivalent of 2.8 bicycles stolen from them over the course of a single lifespan. “That’s why when I walked by the intersection the next day and I saw my bike was still there and intact, I fell to my knees,” Glass said. “I had heard stories of this happening, but I never thought it would happen to someone like me. What are the odds?” What are the odds? Other Press reporters talked to Danny Denman, owner of Ridin’ Dirty Bike Shop on Cambie Street. “T’ve been in the bike business for years, and I've only heard about something like this happening one other time,” Denman said. “In the case of the last bike, there was a pit bull chained to the front wheel. And even then, somebody still managed to steal the kickstand off of it.” As amazing as Glass’ story is, Denman is sure it won't happen again, based on his own most recent bike theft experience. “I turned around for one second and somebody had stolen both of my wheels,” he said. “T was just holding the frame up in midair. I never even felt a thing.” Glass considers this a learning moment. “Lightning doesn't strike twice,” he said. “I can’t expect my locked-up valuables to not be stolen. And if they are, that’s completely on me. As Vancouverites, we should expect that any bicycle on the street is fair game and we're just asking for it. It’s not fair, but it’s the society we live in.” Editor's note: Glass was asked to give a follow-up interview but was unable to attend as his bike was stolen.