Shis issue: (¥ Move over, mason jars (Y Total square attends first college party (¥ Humans of New West And more! Been told you're too funny? Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor M4 humour@theotherpress.ca www theotherpress.ca The succulent allure of wieners and buns » Study shows detrimental effects of food porn on society § Sharon Miki 4. Humour Editor M4 humour @theotherpress.ca t seems innocent enough, at first: you're surfing the net and a curvy little dish catches your eye. It looks so hot—you want to see more; before you know it, you've been cruising the web for hours, feasting your habitually exposed to food : porn, people are finding : themselves unable to commit : to lunch, because they know : they can always go home and : look at yammier-looking : lunches online. What they : don’t realize is that those : pornographic lunches are : heavily photoshopped and just : aren't realistic ideals of lunch,” : says McGee. “They’re waiting * on: for this unrealistically luscious is having : lunch to walk into their lives : and satisfy them, and it just : isn’t coming. Asa result, people : : are getting really hungry!” eyes on juicy, juicy porn. Food porn. Seems harmless, right? Wrong. Surprising new research from the Institute for Morality and All Things Well and Tame (IMATWAT) reveals that the type of images people commonly refer to as “food porn’—which, according to Wikipedia, is a “glamourized spectacular visual presentation of cooking or eating”— an adverse impact on our society and culture. “Most people think that there can’t be any harm in just looking at pictures of food on Tumblr,” says lead researcher, Jonsey McGee. “It feels like a victimless crime, and it can satisfy their cravings. But, a very different and dark dish.” Indeed, IMATWAT’s study—which was funded by a coalition of non-photogenic foods including oatmeal, stroganoff, and barley—shows : porn images has a long-term : impact on humans’ ability to : appreciate real food. In fact, : that study shows that people : who view food pornography : more than 13 times per week : were 89 per cent less likely to : give their compliments tothe — : : chef and 59 per cent more likely : : to skip dinner for dessert out of : : pure boredom. : “Even worse, when Men, according to the : study, are especially susceptible : to succumbing to the negative : influences of food porn. “More and more, we're : noticing that men are starting unfortunately, our data cooks up : to treat their steaks just like : pieces of meat,” explains : McGee. The easy access and : abundance of food porn online : may also be contributing to : aweird, privileged attitude that prolonged exposure to food : amongst eaters. The study ..when habitually exposed to food porn, people are finding themselves unable to commit to lunch, because they know they can always go home and look at yummier-looking lunches online. : shows that food porn- : consumers tend to be bad : cooks, and are often lazy and : entitled in the kitchen. “We see this amazing : food online, and we just get so : used to seeing it there looking : amazing and perfectly lit. As : aresult, when were at home : cooking, we expect our food : to magically get toa really : delicious place without putting in much effort. In the end, : few people are satisfied with : this approach. We talked toa : number of people that just sort : of ‘faked it’ in the kitchen, and : then retired to their rooms to : video clips of cheesecake on : their own.” So, is there a solution to this food-porn depravity? “Turn off the Internet : and go back to basics in the : kitchen,” says McGee. “I suggest : making a lovely casserole. Sure, : it might not be perfect—but at : least it will be real.” ‘T want a bae to call my own!’ » Misguided heiress feels slighted at inability to purchase English Bay § Sharon Miki 4. Humour Editor M4 humour @theotherpress.ca I? today’s spoiled rich kid news, Amelia Cyrus, 19, is totally throwing a public tantrum because her dad won't buy her English Bay. The teenager—currently unemployed—has been ona mission since late last week to acquire the body of water as a result of her intense wealth-induced loneliness, : combined with her profound : misunderstanding of spelling : : and rational thinking. : Indeed, Cyrus seems to : have misunderstood the : popular slang-based term : of endearment, “bae” (slang : for babe, baby, or, in some : cases, “before anyone else’), : and will not stop until she : acquires a bay of her own. “I’m on Instagram and : such, petcetera [sic], and I’m : always saw [sic] girls post : about hanging out with there : [sic] bay [sic], and I’m like, y : considerable financial : resources to create a multi- : modal marketing campaign : estimated in the millions : to support her newfound : cause, “Give Amelia a Bay!” : Marketing efforts include : television commercials and : YouTube video introduction : ads. : [sic] can’t I have a bay [sic]? If : ; these inaffluent [sic] girls get: : their own bays [sic], why can’t : : 12 So DADDY should bye [sic] : me won [sic]!” said Cyrus, in : a self-written press release. Cyrus has used her “If I can't half [sic] my bay [sic], you can weight [sic] : to watch your Bieber,” said : Cyrus. Cyrus is the heiress to : her father’s Velcro-related : billion-dollar-plus fortune, : and as such is not used to : being told no when it comes : to anything. “No won [sic] ever tells me I can't have anything,” : explained Cyrus. Unfortunately for Cyrus, this lack of discipline : throughout her life has : spread to her education. and I'll be all write [sic],” Cyrus. : Despite hitting the genetic : lottery and being afforded : every educational advantage, : Cyrus can’t be bothered to : learn pretty much anything. : ‘Just give me a bay [sic] said Sympathizers have already started a Kickstarter : campaign to help Cyrus buy : the bay on her own. “Won't someone help : this poor, poor rich girl?” said : Shannon Yoshida, the leader : of the “Let’s Just Buy Amelia : a Bay” campaign.