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Julian Worker, OP Contributor

My fellow Americans,

I am speaking to you this evening as

the bearer of some heinous news.

There is a country in the world that is
causing me to not sleep at night. This
is a country that I call the Tarzan
country, because I associate it with
mad yet wise mullahs. I am talking
about Iran, my fellow Americans, the
country of Iran:in the Near East.
These people, these mullahs, are
always beating their chests and shout-
ing aloud about how they are going
to defeat the Great Satan. By the
Great Satan, my fellow Americans,
those Tarzan like mullahs mean the
United States of America! Your
countty, my fellow Americans, my
country, God’s own country. This
should show you how those mullahs
think about us, the American people.

They are upset with me because I
said that Iran was one of the axes of

- evil that chops down the trees of

freedom. Look at theit behaviour
since then. Why, they have only gone
and proved me right! Iran has been
defying the world and trying to start a
nuclear program. Those mullahs are
intending to start creating nuclear

else would a country like Iran need

nuclear power? Why? Those mullahs
say they want to use nuclear power to
generate electricity. Why? They could
always buy their electricity from other
countries, such as Iraq, but no they
don’t want to do that. They want to
be independent. They want to gener-
ate their own electricity.

Why my fellow Americans, those mad
mullahs say they want nuclear power
so.they can generate electricity so
they can see at night in Tehran and
not drive their cars into lamp stan-
dards and buildings; those mad mul-
lahs say they want nuclear power so
they can generate electricity to cook
their food, so that their people can
eat and not starve to death; those
mad mullahs say they want nuclear
power so they can generate electricity
to heat their water and have warm
showers each day; those mad mullahs
say they want nuclear power so they
can generate electricity to power their
televisions so they can watch CNN
and listen to music on their radios;
those mad mullahs say they want
nuclear power so they can generate
electricity to power their air-condi-
tioning units in the desert, so that
they can feel cool in the hot summer
the truth my fellow Americans, these

1 8 THE OTHER PRESS NOVEMBER .16 2006

Bush Warns, Beware of Iran!

red herrings. Those mad mullahs
want nuclear power so they can create
nuclear weapons, place those bombs
on missiles and fire them at the
United States of America and its
allies in the world.

But, my fellow Americans, there is

_ another grievous reason not to trust

Iran. American Very Special
Intelligence Services have been inves-
tigating Hurricane Katrina and its
destruction of our great city of New
Orleans. This destructive act of
Katrina or “Katrina Act” as it has
been called by some in the media,
including the Press Office in the
White House, was a warning from
God my fellow Americans. God was
trying to warn us, his own people,

_about the impending disaster. Why,

my fellow Americans, “Katrina Act”
is an anagram of “Iran Attack”! Yes,
my fellow Americans, God tried to
give us a warning and we missed it.
Hurricane Katrina was an attack on
our great country, God’s own coun-
try, by Iran and we have to respond
in some way. Having tried to destroy
our great nation with high speed
winds, the mad mullahs are now
poised to fire nuclear weapons at us.
We can’t let this happen my fellow
Americans, we have to act now to

- stop another hurricane, a nuclear hur-

+

ricane, destroying one of our great
cities. I will do whatever has to be
done to prevent another Iran attack
on our great country and I know you
will support me in this matter.

And now on a lighter note, I would
just like to congratulate the new
Prime Minister of Canada on his
recent appointment to the job as my
new best friend in the world. Mr.
Sharper, as my Secretary-of-State
Condoleezza Rice calls him, will be a
great comfort to me. Steve, as I hope
I can call you, I look forward to your
support and | think you will make me
look good when we appear together
on TV. As my Defence Secretary
Donald Rumsfeld wittily quipped to
me only yesterday, “That Harper guy
will sure change his country from
Cantada to Canada.” We'look forward
to working with Mr. Harper in Iraq,
Afghanistan, and in our forthcoming
involvement in Iran. My administra-
tion also believes that Mr. Harper,
Steve, will do a heck of a job in help-
ing us block the further implementa-
tion of the Kyoto accords.

God bless America -

 GWB