PacE12 J 01 THER ED ITO RIAL) Game omer Press APRIL 13, 1983 -Bunny-wunnies in Social Cretin Land by Dave ‘Bunny-wunny' Balderstone and his bunny-wunny friends Once upon a time, not so very long ago, there. was a quiet community named New Slugville. Up on the hillside stood New Slugville College, which was a source of pride to the bunny-wunny inhabitants, who had: fought hard with the Social Cretin government to establish the college. In the early days of the college, classes wereheld all over the Valley, in cheery meadows and under lovely oak trees, but after lots of discussion with the Cretins, the college was finally granted its own special burrows, and the sun shone brightly over the new campus. | One day, a group of raggle-tag ; bunny-wunny students straggled onto the campus. They were riding shaggy ponies with ‘‘New Slugville Student Elite’’ stenciled on their rumps. When they arrived, they noticed that all the other student bunny-wunnies, were wandering from burrow to burrow, clutching books and staring up - at the blue, blue sky, where the sun. shone brightly. The student bunny-wunnies, noticed the taggle-tag elites, paid money to the Badgers, who had been appointed by the Social Cretin government to run the college, then wandered about looking at the sky until the Badgers gave them pieces of paper qualifying them to be paid sky © watchers. a But they realized the student bunny-wunnies had no voice in what went on with the money they paid, or what curriculum was offered; or even in who would teach and adminster them. This suited the Cretins and the Badgers fine, but the raggle-tag bunny-wunny elite looked around in dismay. ‘“‘Oh-ho!"’ they said. ‘‘The students need to organize, and we’re just the bunny-wunnies to do it!’’ So off they went to see the Badgers. ‘‘We'’re here to represent the students,’’ they told the Badgers, who hemmed and hawed and grumbled. ‘First, you must get the students to give you permission,’’ the Badgers said, and chuckled under their breath. ‘“Those borin students will never organize,’’ they grinned. Neanwhile, the raggle-tag bunny-wunny elite were talking to the students. ‘‘We’re here to represent you,”’ they said. ‘“We’ll represent you to the Badgers and Cretins and create a new social order here at New Slugville College. So raise your arms if you'll let us.”’ , Now, most of the students thought that the raggle-tag bunny-wunnies said ‘lettuce’, and their arms went up into the air. The student elite smiled with satisfaction. ' Back they went to the Badgers, ‘‘All right, \Gi we're in,’ they said. ‘‘And we want our cut.”’ / The Badgers frowned. ‘‘You can’t have any of our money,’’ they said, conveniently ignoring the source of their funds. ‘‘You’ll have to get more money from the students,| and we'll collect it for you.”’ And they did. Soon, the elite had a nice budget to do all sorts of nifty things with’ and immediately began paying themselves fi money. ‘“‘It’s only fair,’’ they told the hid students. ‘“‘We give up lots of stuff to represent you.” The student bunny-wunnies went back to watching the sky through the clouds. The raggle-tag bunny-wunny elite, for a number of years, actually did benefit the students to some small degree.They published pamphlets about what the Badgers and the Social Cretins were doing, posters about the clouds on the horizon and how they got there, and articles about student bunny-wunnies in other parts of the world. They organized rallies, and talked to the bunny-wunny teachers. But the faces of the raggle-tag bunny-wunny elite did not stay the same. New faces came, stayed for a while, then left. As time passed, the elite organized and rallied against and informed on the Badgers less and less. The favorite thing to organize, though, was the weekly Vegetable Night. The raggle-tag bunny-wunny elite would go to the Vegetable Distribution Burrow down the hill and get permission to sell vegetables to the student bunny-wunnies, who would gather to munch carrots and celery and even though some would eat too much and get silly, almost. everyone had a good time. Often, bunny-wunny students who had learned to make noises while looking at the sky whould come down into the burrow where the Vegetable Nights were held and make the noises there. The other bunny-wunnies went wild. Gradually, the Vegetable nights became the only event that the student bunny-wunny populace was interested in. They went from day to day, handing over more money when they were asked for it, and crowding into the best spots to see the sky from, though the gathering clouds had limited how many places ther were that the sky could still be seen from. The student bunny-wunnies simply crammed tighter itogether:, and didn’t notice the poorer ones, and the slower ones, who couldn’t get into the best spots. But Vegetable Nights were immensely popular, so the student bunny-wunny elite’s attention gradually turned more and more to similar events, and less and less to organizing and lobbying, which of course were the original reasons for their being there. But, as the Badgers raised tuition fees, it was easy, almost too easy, for the student bunny-wunny elite to increase their fees, and as the years passed, their budget grew and grew, while their work that was supposed to benefit the student bunny-wunnies shrank and shrank. Eventually, it was not uncommon for the student bunny-wunnies to say, ‘‘The elite? Aren’t they the ones who give us ; Vegetable Nights? and then turn back to look at what little sky remained. There | were only a few places left to get a good view of the small patches of blue sky that showed through the thickening clouds, that continued to pour in from across the pind, where the Social Cretins lived. One year, things grew grin in New Slugville. All across the land, the sky grew dark, and bunnie-wunnies, ferrets and weasels alike began to suspect the Social Cretins no longer had control over the dark clouds. Without the sunny blue sky, lettuce patches wilted, and carrots grew short and stumpy. There were often no cabbabes at all. Weeds were all that grew. Many young bunny-wunnies found that there was no longer any work for them in the vegetable patches, and turned to look up the hill at the college. ‘‘Perhaps if we- learn how to look at the sky, we can find a way to make the vegetable patches grow again’’, they said, and by the dozen they began the long walk up the hill. The Badgers were privately pleased. ““More money,’’ they said privately. Publicly, they were worried. "we don’t have enough money to expand sky-watching spots,’’ they told the bunny-wunnies The student bunny-wunny elite, warm in their snuggly burrows, suddenly noticed that they had more money than they had ever had before. ‘‘More money,’’ they said privately. ‘‘We can’t afford to do very much,’’ they said publicly. ‘‘But we won’t cancel the Vegetable Nights,’ they said, at which the student bunny-wunnies sighed with relief. Meanwhile, the sky grew darker and eet until there was almost no clear sky left. “Everyone must cut back and work harder,’’ said the Cretins. The Badgers echoed this. ‘‘We must do our share and cut back,’’ they told the college bunny-wunnies. Deep in the student bunny-wunny elite’s -burrow, one of the bunny-wunnies perked jup its ears. ‘‘I thought I heard someone isay cut back,’’ it said. ‘‘I shall go and see ifit means us too.’’ And up it went. What a surprise faced it as it emerged ‘from the burrow. The college was crowded with student \bunny-wunnies but the Badgers had reduced not only the number of places to watch the sky from, but the number of places to watch the sky from, but the number of bunny-wunny teachers as well. The bunny-wunny students were lined up in places to get a decent view of the now ‘totally cloudy sky. The daycare for the baby bunny-wunnies was closed. The hours of the vegetaria and the library were cut; money for educational aids, like binoculars and filtered glass, was cut off. ; The clouds thickened, and bunny-wunny teachers were sent home, as spaces suitable or sky-watching dwindled. The lbunny-wunnies who kept the college clean 1 went home without jobs. Gradually, no one was left but the adgers, and the raggle-tag elite. There ere no students at all. ‘| But every Thursday night with out fail, ‘there was a Vegetable Night in the buipuiiesh burrow.