Why is everybody always trying to think up a theme for Christmas?
Isn’t Christmas a theme all by itself? Like, it’s right around the comer?

Christmas does.have a way of creeping up on everyone. Before you
know it, it’s Christmas Eve and you still haven’t had that picture framed,
you haven’t got that video camera you ordered at the last minute, and on
and on and on.... Worst of all, there are a lot of people you want to see that
can’t possibly be contacted unless you have a very big Boxing Day party,
and it’s never guaranteed that everybody you ask will actually show up,
because they are facing the same problem you are.

What about this theme thing? Almost everyone can relate to this.
You’ve heard people say; What’s going to be our theme for Christmas?
Well, the last time we checked, Christmas was about peace, love and
goodwill | on earth. Wow! What a concept! How about we try that one and
see what happens. Maybe it isn’t thought of as theme for Christmas because
it’s not commercially feasible. How can you decorate a school or an office
with such a basic concept like goodwill toward all people? It is kinda
tough. Hence, the Christmas brainstormers think up a theme that is colorful,
crafty, clever, and lest we forget, commercially viable.

Admittedly, Christmas would not be the same without all of the
standard decorations and themes that give us that anxious feeling in
anticipation of the big day. But just once it would be fun to find out what
would happen if we all celebrated Christmas without the outrageous
ornamental gimmickry, and instead decided to try to be really nice, really
good, and really peaceful.

Nah. It would never work.

Could you imagine driving by City Hall and seeing a blank, grey
building in the middle of December? It’s unimaginable, really. How about
stepping into a shopping mall and seeing the shops and walkways as they
normally appear every other time of the year? It’s unthinkable! Who ever
came up with the idea of decorating the city with Christmasy stuff in
December accomplished at least two things: We were given something to
look at in order to remind us it is indeed the best time of the year, and we
were given yet another economically viable manufacturing industry. What
a theme!

Reading the Walls

I am a reader of the walls. I sit in the
terrible frustration of my excretion and read
the garbled outcry of my fellow Douglas
College students. I have read many a
writing, in many a stall, in many a language.
I can recall times when my face was red
with frustration, trying to solve, to reach,
to converse, to understand. I have asked
myself, “What the fuck are they trying to
say?” It’s not so bad that I can’t comprehend
their English, although I suspect that most
of the comments are written in English as a
Second Language (or at least should be
enrolled in English as a Second Language.)
It’s my perdition that I must inquire but
how? I figured that the five “W’s” was a
good place to start.

“Why the hell is this on the wall?” was
the first thought that entered the emptiness
of the stall. In today’s day and age you think
that if we men wanted to voice our opinions
we could write to, I don’t know, the trusty
school newspaper or at least pull it out and
write on your girlfriends back but save my
walls. There isn’t any spellcheck and you
just can’t wipe it off on the sheets. There is
no excuse for racism or any sort of
degradation on the wall of my toilet. A good
joke sure, a bad joke even, if that’s all you
got or maybe a nice story or poem is fine.
All of these are good things to read, they
may take a little longer to read because there
is a little more thought put into them but
that’s what the break is for. Your teachers,
if they are male, understand. If you have an
anal female teacher, well that’s another
article.

“Where is this stuff coming from?” is
usually the second question I ask. We have
some very creative comical talent in this
school. would like to know, especially the
people who don’t ise the facilities ar just
are not guys, that some of the best shit

This is our last issue of the semester, kiddies,
so have a happy holiday.

 
 
 
 
  
   
 
 
  
  
 
 
 
 
  
 
  
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
   
 
 
  
  
   
 
 
 
   
  
 
   
     
   
   
   
   
 
   
 
 
 

Just recently I participated on a Star Wars
Q & A written up on the wall and some of
the answers were hilarious and there were
always good jokes for any situation. Great
stuff.

“When do people have time to do
these things?” I am usually interrupted by
others or forget my pen. I think that there
are some hard-core expressionists out there
with a lot of revolutionary ideas. In fact I’ve
begun to recognize some styles of
handwriting. Usually now I just have time
to do replies but I would like to do some
comedy, some day.

“Who are we writing to?” Never forget
that this is a man’s stall you are sitting in
when you write or read. This is a very
important concept. We are men. We don’t
need to get girl’s phone numbers from other
guys. Remember that this is someone’s
sister or daughter and not just some easy
piece of meat that you are giving the number
of away. Besides, how do you start a
conversation with a girl who’s number you
found on the wall. “Hey, I saw your number
on the wall and it said for a good time call,
so I thought you know, I would give you a
call.” It doesn’t work. Credo experto.

I’m sure that some of you readers have
been asking this question if you have read
thus far, “What does the chicken scratch on
the wall reflect in society?” Well if you’re
reading the good stuff it just reflects
that there is a lot of good stuff to
be said in society and maybe
there is so much that it
should be written
on the walls.
But otherwise,
we always

 
 

 

oe Ruchel Young /Artuir Banks: yf Seaman
Holly Keyes, Colette Ernst's roast turkey, Sean P. Veley, -
: eee Donaldson, Lance oo and Elvis.

comes out of these Douglas College toilets. -

knew that mankind was a little mislead, a
little misconceived. Hell even Plato thought
that we lived in a messed up society and
that was two and a half thousand years ago
and all of the great thinkers have been in
concurrence since. Everybody knows that
we’re a bit out of the ordinary, a touch sick.
You need a break from the disease we call
time management and reading in the stalls
is a great place top do it and find out just
what mankind is really thinking.

Why do we write on the wall? I’m sure
someone may ask but it’s because they don’t
provide reading material as intersting as we
can write and we men know just what we
want to hear when we have our pants at our
ankles, bent over in labor. Besides there is
a certain skill and challenge involved in
writing on that angle on that kind of surface.
Why ask why? Because we can write, we
can read, we have functional bowels and
we’re men but I could imagine that women
are as imaginative.

a.
Student

Zhirinovsky The
Russian Hitler?

The latest antics of this Russian
politician remind us of the eerie similarity
between Zhirinovsky and Hitler. Both men
came out of obscurity. Both wrote of an
unhappy, troubled childhood. Hitler was
anti-Semitic, so is Zhirinsovsky. Hitler came
to power through the democratic process --
barring a successful assassination attempt,
the overwhelming likelihood is that
Zhirinovsky will win the December, 1996
Russian Presidential Elections.

Indeed, the situation in Russian today
is reminiscent of conditions in Weimer
Germany prior to Hitler coming to power -
- chaos, disillusionment and despair. These
are the conditions ripe for a dictatorship.
Hitler had an electrifying effect on the
German people unmatched by any other
politician. The same can be said of
Zhirinovsky among Russians. Before and
after Hitler came to power, the International
Press ridiculed him as a clown and a
madman. The International Press today tend
to dismiss Zhirinovsky as the “clown
prince,” a “political jester,” and “buffoon”
much as they reacted to Hitler. This will
prove to be a great mistake. Zhirinovsky is
a man of destiny. His rise and fall (“upon
the mountains of Israel”) are foretold in the
Biblical book of Ezekiel, chapters 38 and
39. He is described as “Gog, the prince of
Rosh, Meshech, and Tubal” NKJV (now
Russia, Moscow, and Tubolsk). Vladimir
Wolfovich Zhirinovsky, the man who would
be “Gog!”

K.U. Barett
Guelph, Ontario

November 28, 1995

Dear Boyd,

I’m not attacking you personally, I’m
glad you aren’t a rapist. I have one question
for you - how am I supposed to know that
you aren’t a rapist? When I am walking
down the street, mace in one hand and my
personal alarm in the other, how am I
supposed to know that you aren’t going to
attack me? The sad truth is that I have to
view all men as evil. These men that do
these terrible crimes are normal, everyday
people. They are teachers, police, fathers,
students, people from all walks of life. How
am I supposed to know?

You say that Jet Girl is a bigot. You
use Muslim terrorists as an example. Well,
how about airport officials? They assume
that everyone’s a terrorist. Do they not check
everyone’s luggage? Do they not send
everyone through a metal detector? Are they
bigots just because they are concerned for
the safety of airplane passengers? Am I a
bigot because I view all men as evil and a
threat because I know what all men are
capable of?

Your advise to Jet Girl about getting
more women to report rapes upset me. I was
a victim of sexual assault. I didn’t report it.
The thought terrified me. Boyd, have you
ever seen a rape trial? Have you seen the
way the victim is treated? She is treated like
acriminal, her whole life is put on trial, she
is humiliated, treated like a whore. All for
what? If the animal is ever found, or if he is
convicted, he may get a couple of years, out
for good behavior in a year or less. All for
what? Justice! Your suggestion about
changing the laws was a nice touch. It would
be a miracle if the laws were changed,
maybe one day my granddaughter can walk
in the park by herself. But, what am I
supposed to do until then? Say to my
attacker, “ummm, excuse me will you stop
assaulting me, the laws may change one
day.” That will be one huge deterrent.

T’mnot just talking about women, men
are sexually assaulted as well. I’m telling
my point of view from the victim’s

perspective.

Yours sincerely,
Penguin

Get the point
Boyd,

Thanks for writing. You got the point
and missed the point. The point of my
“manbashing” article was to make people
think about the emotions involved in sexual
assault. You obviously thought about the
article. It’s too bad you didn’t think of any
response besides stale rhetoric.

You thought I should do more to
encourage women to report sexual assaults.
If women were not assaulted they would
have nothing to report. That is where my
preference lies.

You called me a bigot because I don’t
trust all men. While it is not always fair,
we are judged by the company we keep. If
a man assaults me, I will find it harder to
trust strange men. Sad but true. Don’t
blame me, blame our society.

Dia
Richardson