ARTS& ENTERTAINMENT Iain W. Reeve, Lead Actor in Tron 2 This week’s website: I Found it on the Interweb: www.retrojunk.com Iain W. Reeve, Proud Child of the 80s Now entering the sixth year of this crazy new decade, we can confidently look back on the 90s with fond memories and quiet contemplation. It does not take long to realize, however, that the 90s was kindof a lame-duck decade. The only truly fond memories I have of that cultural black hole of a decade — are the cartoons and toys that dominated the final stage of my. childhood. Shows like Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, and Smith & Reeve at the Movies: Final Destination 3 Iain W. Reeve and Steph Smith, OP Death Cheaters In the fine tradition of such films as I Know What You Did Last Summer and Final Destination 2, Final Destination 3 follows the wacky exploits of several teens as death tries to catch up with them after they evade near-certain doom. Their only hope for survival? The efforts of the girl whose creepy vision saved them from the killer roller-coaster in the first place. Reeve: There are hundreds of forms of cheese produced all over the world. Most cheese is created by curdling milk from a variety of different animals, usually cows here in Canada, and then using bacteria to solidify it into the blocks commonly seen in the dairy section of your local grocer. The specific flavour of cheese can be altered by controlling everything from animal diet to the addi- tion of spices or smoke. In rare cases, however, some cheese experts are able to utilize tools such as video cameras, poorly constructed sets, and low-budget computer animation to create a special brand of cheese that can only be experienced through the visual and auditory senses. The cast and crew of Final Destination 3 are dairy farmers. Trying to decide where to start criticizing this film is like try- ing to decide which aspect of being drawn and quartered you found most charming. The acting reminded me of the good old days in Ms. Williams’ tenth-grade drama class. The worst part was that the more important the line, the more horrific the delivery. I loved, in particular, this film’s perpetuation of the trend in films of the horror/gross-out comedy/date movie/ intellectually devoid tripe genres to try and have characters deliver speeches making “big” intellectual or philosophical statements. Some examples include the film’s goth-kid stereotype delivering con- stant diatribes about physics, or the film’s sensitive jock-guy stereotype attempting to make philosophical stabs at the meaning of life. While I’m sure the writer and actor can pat themselves on the back for injecting little bits of intelligence into their film, to anyone with half a brain, this stuff comes off as what it is: morons reciting lines about things they have absolutely no under- standing of. As with most horror, we have the usual checklist: Boobies? Check. Gruesome, horrific death? Check. Use of these things to try and cloak the film’s lack of anything else? Check. Truth be told, they don’t even do those things that well. The nudity is of the most unappealing characters in the film and is right at the beginning, before I was totally disillusioned and in need of some- thing to keep me going. And the deaths, while sufficiently gory, caused a larger sense of rejoice than horror. It was the only way to get rid of the irritating array of high school stereotypes and half characters irritating me with every word uttered through their talentless little mouths. This film left me wishing that I would have a vision of horri- ble death. That way, I and everyone else in the theatre would be Seen Saeco einen ane emoe am oe come ll Fa at ae ae en New West Cinemas 555, 6th Street, New Westminster, BC, V7L 5H1 Ph/Fax: 604.526.0379 Email: ncinemas@yahoo.ca Movie Info: 604.526.0332 Website: www.atnymovie.com spated from seeing the remainder of the film. This is not good enough to be worthwhile horror, and not bad enough to be funny horror. It is caught in shit-movie limbo. The only neat part is playing “spot that lower mainland landmark.” From Playland to Thunderbird Stadium to Queen Street right here in New West, Final Destination 3 has it all. Wait, I am having a vision! Stay out of the theatre or something horrible will happen! Ahhhh! Smith: Tl tell you all a secret. I watch bad horror films for fun. It’s one of my favourite genres of film. So, I have, sadly, seen Final Destination and its sequel multiple times. I needed to complete the trifecta of crap by subjecting myself to.. Destination 3. The premise is the same as the first two films: Death itself is out to get the kids. I know, I know, it’s a very frightening and real- istic idea. The deaths caused by this freaky spiritual realignment are just ridiculous. One kid dies when an out of control semi- truck crashed into the cars behind him at the drive-thru window. The force causes the engine to fly out of the truck and into the kid’s head. Another girl dies when a series of absolutely unreal events cause a forklift to drive itself across a Home Build-It (think generic Home Depot), knocking a million things over. The girl in question falls against a board of wood that just happens to have a loaded nail gun positioned behind it. The nail gun goes off like a machine gun and she is impaled through the face by large, unrealistic nails. I'll admit to being completely morbid and laughing hysterically at each and every death. I have no soul, and they were funny. The best parts of the film were the comments we were making in the theatre. At one point, toward the end, the heroine of the film (and one of the few survivors) is on a train. She gets a strange feeling and starts looking nervously around the train. She then notices an ad for the same restaurant where the drive-thru kid was killed, as well as a Home Build-It Centre, and a few others that reference past deaths. “This is the most ironic train of all time!” I exclaimed, and a few people who heard me laughed. This movie was terrible. I spent most of it laughing at how bad it was, but it was the best of the three. The others were somehow worse. Maybe because this one embraced its cheese and crap factor while the others tried to be legitimate films. I don’t know. I would not recommend this film unless you feel like wasting a few bucks to see it at the cheap theatre with a group of idiot friends with the sole intention of mocking it at every turn. It is not a very good horror movie, but it is one of the best comedies I have seen in a long time. It was funnier than The Pink Panther, let me tell you. If you want to see a real scary movie, rent Géitter. Try and sleep after watching that thing, Scary. .er, watching; Final