Opinions

 

 

A Few Fashion
Faux-Pas

Brady Ehler, OP Opinions Editor

 

] don’t claim to be a fashion expert.
I don’t even claim to be fashion literate. I
break out in hives if I am in a shopping
mall too long and watching fashion TV
gives me cancer twice as fast as normal
TV. No, I think of fashion in much
the same way as I think of the tribal
societies of Papua New Guinea; I don’t
understand it, and it scares me.

Despite all of this, I'll be walking
around campus, and notice that someone
is making such a blatantly obvious
fashion faux pas, that even I, a fashion
invalid and heterosexual male, become
shocked, nay, appalled!

The most obvious of theses stylistic
errors is the case of the human lemming,
You’ve seen them; carbon copy human
beings that do their absolute best to fit
in exactly to the current trend. Not sure
you've seen them? Imagine this: a girl
with long, bleached-blonde hair (dark
roots showing), tan-coloured suede
boots with thin soles and fuzzy pom-
poms, skin-tight, pale blue jeans, two
tight-fitting, thin shirts; the inner most
is too long, the outer-most is too short.
Usually one is white and the other is
pink. She also has hoop earrings, pink
eyeshadow, pink lipstick, and a lot of
eyeliner. Rounding off this repertoire is
always a tan (or occasionally grey) low-cut
winter/ fall jacket, with a fur-lined hood.
Does this sound familiar? Of course it
does, it’s the fashion equivalent to eating
at McDonald’s.

The first fashion faux-pas annoys
me, because people don’t seem to be
comfortable enough with themselves
to wear something slightly different
from the rest of the pack—but at least
it’s not pretentious. No, pretentious is
when people wear t-shirts that bear the
logos of bands that they do not listen
to. As a hardcore music fan, and a dude
who listens to awesome bands from all

different eras, I consider it a personal
insult to find someone wearing a t-shirt
of a band that I love, purely for the sake
of fashion. If you don’t know what

The White Album is, then don’t wear a
Beatles t-shirt, okay? If you can’t name
three out of the four Ramones without
looking at the logo on your shirt, then go
advertise for “The Black Eyed Peas,” or
whatever popular band they are playing
on The Beat these days. If you think

Jimmy Page was William Wordsworth’s

cousin, than you have no business with
a picture of an immolated airship on
your attire. If you are wearing an AC/
DC shirt, well go to it, because AC/DC
fucking suck.

If you are going to college, then you
should be a young adult, or at least close
to it. In any case, you should be old
enough to know your own pants size. It
is not 1994, and it is no longer cool to
wear jeans that double as a four-person
survival tent. Conversely (and much
more importantly), please, please, please,
girls, do not wear jeans that are four
sizes too small for you: they make you
look horribly unshapely, and they have
a tendency of creating flesh-flaps that
hang off either side of your hips. I have
to assume you are doing this because
you think it is attractive. Well, I think I
speak for most men when I say that it’s
anything but. Please, please stop doing
that. Even if you’re packing on a few
extra pounds, it’s much more flattering to
wear a pair of pants that fit you well than
a pair that constricts circulation.

One last thing—and some guys
are just going to shake their heads as
they read this, but I don’t care. Girls, the
skin-tight, flesh-coloured fleece outfits
have to go. They leave nothing to the
imagination. Believe it or not, many guys
actually find it sexier if a girl gives us a
hint as to what is going on beneath the
clothes, instead of outright disclosing it.

 

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