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We need to talk about toxic femininity

> All forced gender roles are toxic—not just men’s

Mercedes Deutscher
Social Media Coordinator

 

xtremes exist on every spectrum,
whether it be political ideologies,

religion, or gender roles. When gender
roles are taken to the extreme they
are can be known as toxic, meaning
they are harmful or destructive to
the individual and society. Toxic
masculinity is a popular example of
forced gender roles being taken to an
extreme, but women are also guilty of
engaging in destructive gender roles.

I believe that toxic femininity is
as important to break down as toxic
masculinity. To acknowledge the
existence of one but not the other is
ridiculous, because I don’t think you can
necessarily have one without the other.

Forced gender roles are destructive
to anyone that internalizes them,
regardless of gender. Women can
internalize notions of toxic masculinity
and men can internalize toxic femininity,
or both. Therefore, it is important to
discuss both concepts. They both serve
in perpetuating patriarchal and sexist
ideals and are ultimately harmful, so it is
vital that both are unpacked to recognize
these attitudes and to rectify them.

Just as toxic masculinity refers
to the negative socially-constructed
attitudes that are commonly attributed

Don't be afraid to tell your partner

 

to men; violence, emotional suppression,
and sexual aggression are just a few
examples—toxic femininity also refers to
negative socially-constructed attitudes
of women, which consist of passiveness,
dependency, submissiveness, and

the general idea that women are a
weaker sex. This is something that

I believe many people, including
women, unhealthily internalize and
express through their actions.

An example of this is women who
hit their male partners or friends. Since
they have incorporated the idea into
themselves that they are the weaker
sex, they believe that they can’t hurt
men by hitting them. However, abuse

what you want in bed

> You deserve to have your needs met

Jessica Berget
Opinions Editor

no, move on, find something you both
enjoy, but never force them to do it.

 

( etting your sexual needs met
is awesome, but many people

unfortunately do not have this privilege.

When it comes to asking what you
want in bed, people either feel too shy,
too awkward, don’t want to offend
their partners, or don’t know exactly
what they want. However, to have a
healthy and satisfying sex life and
relationship, communication is key.
Some people just don’t know how
to tell their partners what they’e into.
Maybe they're afraid it’s too kinky,

maybe they think their partner won't be

into it; either way, the only way to find
out is to ask. In the same vein, it’s also

important to ask your partner what they

like or want in bed. It doesn’t have to be
along, drawn-out conversation before
the act, as many people assume it to

be. It can be a casual question before,
or even during sex. “Are you into this

or that?” or “Can you do this?” is all

you really need to ask. If they say yes,
great! Have a fun, sexy time. If they say

intended). Being upfront and straight
forward about what you like is the

only way to have your needs met. You
must also be vocal about what does or

doesn’t feel good to you, otherwise your

partner is not going to satisfy you and
may even end up accidentally hurting
you if they were doing something that
didn’t feel particularly great to you.

Confrontation can be
uncomfortable for some people, and
might even be considered a mood-
killer, but it’s not as difficult as it
seems. If you don’t like what your
partner is doing just say you don’t
like it and offer an alternative.

While it’s important to voice what
you don’t like, it’s equally important
to encourage your partner when they
do something you do like. That way,
they know that you enjoy it and would
like more of it. Plus, it makes them feel

good that they’re making you feel good.

Small cues or directions like, “softer,”
“ ” “ ”

faster,” or “slower,” can also make a
huge difference in sex and foreplay.

Don't beat around the bush (no pun

is abuse no matter who is hitting who.
Using your sex as justification to harm
another person is a common yet toxic
pattern that occurs in many situations.
I’ve seen men “playfully” slapped or
punched on public transit many times,
but this often goes overlooked because
many people also believe women

are the weaker sex, so it’s okay.

These toxic notions of gender can
be shown in many other ways. When
women get angry at their significant
others for not texting them every day,
or get mad at them for even talking to
another woman, can be seen as forms
of toxic feminine behaviour. I think
constant need for communication and

Engaging in solo play is also as
important as sex when it comes to
having your sexual needs met. Some
people aren't sure what they like, so
they let their partner take control
and do what they want, which doesn't
usually satisfy both partners. To know
what you want from your partner,
you must know what you like or
dislike. This is where solo play and
masturbation comes in. If you know
what you like, it’s easier to tell your
partner so you can get your needs met.

You can’t expect your partner to

(¥Y You deserve to have your needs met
(¥ Just let me get off the bus!
(¥Y Award shows are unnecessary

And more!

validation from a partner is an aspect
of dependency in toxic femininity
that I have seen many women engage
in, which I have been guilty of myself
in my first serious relationship.

I depended on constant
communication to feel validated and
to feed my feeling of self-worth, which
I now realize is unhealthy behaviour.
However, many women believe they need
this to feel loved in a relationship, which
is toxic to the individual, their partner,
and to society’s perception of women.

There are plenty of ways in
which toxic feminine behaviour is
negative. When women become so
submissive that they don’t stand up
for themselves or voice their opinion.
Expecting your male partner to pay for
everything you do because “that’s the
way it should be” is toxic behaviour.

I think everyone should be aware of
how forced gender roles affect their
behaviours and how society operates,
and what they can do to amend them.

The problem with these attitudes
is that they can take form in positive
ways as well as negative ways, which
makes people discount the severity
of forced gender roles, saying things
like “that’s how each sex is wired.”

But, no matter how you look at it,
and no matter what gender you are, toxic
behaviour should never be excused.

  
 

know your turn-ons and turn-offs,
and everybody needs a little guidance.
If both you and your partner don’t
know what feels pleasurable to you,
it’s like flying an airplane without

a pilot; it won't really go anywhere.
On the other hand, if you know how
to please yourself, you can suggest

to your partner what you enjoy.

No one ever says, “I wish I didn’t
say what I wanted,” so just say it.
You'll never know if youre partner
is into the same stuff as you unless
you talk about it, so just ask!

Illustration by Cara Seccafien