Cougars attacking younger and younger males

By Knowlton Thomas

ustin had been bringing firewood in
A= the backyard woodshed at about

5:30 p.m. Saturday in a Boston Bar
subdivision. It was a regular chore for the 11-
year-old boy.

But this time, as he paused with his
wheelbarrow full of wood, he heard the sound
of something crunching across the snow. He
turned and saw a
dark shadow just
an arm’s length
from him. Then it

 

police. “Especially in a place as remote as
Boston Bar, you know. There aren’t really
any cougar-magnet clubs here. But there are
a lot of little bays...”

Austin said he probably would have
been attracted to the cougar if she had
approached him in a more sophisticated
manner. “She had large breasts, albeit fake
ones,” he recalls fondly. “But she just went
about it the wrong way.”

: The police
offered the Boston
Bar community a

“Give your son a fake beard. If your SON few simple tips to

charged—cougar looks old enough, the cougars will likely protect their sons
attack! show no interest.” from cougar attacks:

Fortunately,
Austin’s dog Angel
intercepted the attack, and police then came
and shot the cougar dead.

But this brings to light a serious issue.
For years, cougars have been lowering
the age of their targets. Once upon a time,
it sufficed to target men in their mid 20s.
Nowadays, however, it seems no low is too
low.

“T definitely thought that, being only 11
years old, I would be safe,” Austin said to

1. Have at least

one medium or large

breed of dog in the
house accompany your son when he is
playing outside. Dogs named “Angel” are
particularly effective.

2. Avoid houses near pubs, clubs, and dark lit
alley brothels. These types of venues often
attract cougars like a raccoon to trash.

3. Give your son a fake beard. If your son
looks old enough, the cougars will likely
show no interest.

Stay safe, folks!

 

 

 

Cannonball!

Oversized suit nets David Byrne an outrageous di

     

ry cleaning bill

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