ke i ot Illustration by Cara Seccafein Quiz: What snow excuse should you use? > Sorry, I couldn't finish this quiz... because of the snow... Listen up, bucko! I don't like the snow, and I’m not going to be cajoled and guilted into “appreciating nature” when all being cold makes me want to do is eat carbs and scratch my eczema. It might’ve stopped snowing, but you never know! The weather is as fickle as I am (and that’s pretty fickle). If there’s even a light dusting of snow on the ground, why fulfill any of your “adult” obligations? Stay inside and watch two seasons of two separate shows underneath your roommate's heating pad. How should you call into work/school/previous engagements? Take this quiz to find out! Brr! It’s cold out! You layer up by wearing: a) long johns, thermal socks, mittens, and a nice wool hat b) three t-shirts and tights under jeans c) a bigger sweater than normal d) I’m walkin’ out in shorts, baby! When you get inside, you reach fora nice, hot cup of: a) hot chocolate with marshmallows b) English Breakfast tea c) mug o’ soup d) hot toddy Your favourite part of making a snowperson is: a) rolling the snow into perfect spheres b) putting the carrot nose on c) shaping twigs into hands d) making the snowpeople anatomically correct (X-rated!) Make your space your own! To make your living room extra cozy, you: a) hang up some twinkle lights b) light a Bath & Body Works candle c) Burn some incense d) light scraps of paper on fire for that authentic wood stove smell You're walking home and it starts to snow heavily. You: a) take your headphones out and stare up into the sky in wonder b) don't take your phone out, just live in the moment c) stick your tongue to a pole to see if it'll freeze d) throw snowballs filled with gravel at moving cars Mostly “A’s - No excuse Dont let the snow stop you! Head directly outside and do whatever you need to do, sucker. Yeah, yeah. You used to live in Manitoba, so this is nothing, it’s -40 in Calgary now, I get it. Now shut up and go to class. Mostly “B’s - “I have the worst fever and I can’t come in.” :( :( :( You're a fan of the snow, and probably have some weird obsession with reliving your childhood, but we won't go into that right now. Hopefully you have better tact than Mostly “A’s and know when to shut the hell up about the weather. Mostly “C’s - “A frozen pipe burst and now my kitchen is flooded! My roommates are at work and I’m just waiting for arepairman to come in.” 20::C:( You're probably ambivalent about the snow, but why waste time doing stuff you HAVE to do when you could be doing stuff you WANT to do, right? This is a tasteful lie that will get you out of many a situation. Mostly “D”s -“I was driving to work/ school/the restaurant and my car skidded into a ditch.” :( :( :( FUCK the snow!!!! This excuse has both an element of danger and also puts the blame on the other person. Hey, they pretty much owe you one for making you leave the house in these kinds of conditions! Milk it for all it’s worth. Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca Horoscopes » Fill in your own destiny! e Fizzle Rock crackdown on 'Riverdale' set ¢ How to avoid family on Family Day ¢ What snow excuse should you use? .and more! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor ive the stars a break! Find out how your week will go by filling in the blanks to your own horoscope. The answers might (not) surprise you! ARIES (March 21 — April 20) Uh oh, youve forgotten to complete your (pressing task)! Don’t worry, (friend) will come through for you. After you've completed (pressing task from before), treat (friend from before) to a fme meal of (your favourite snack) and three episodes of (television show that you love but friend hates). ITAURUS (April 21 - May 21) The best things in life are (dollar amount)! That’s right, you'll need some extra cash this week for your trip to the (fun thing you can't afford right now). Pick up some spare coin by selling some (thing you have too much of) online. With all of that spare (thing you have too much of) gone, you'll have a pocketful of cash and some extra space to put some new (thing you have too much of)! GEMINI (May 22 — June 22) You're pretty drained this week, so why not take some time to yourself and (sad lonesome activity). Put on some (sad music) and relax, thinking about (sad thing) and (person you once thought you were in love with). While you're crying, remember that this is only temporary and next week you'll be able to (thing that is still pretty sad but better than the aforementioned sad thing). eS CANCER (June 22 - July 23) It’s your lucky week! You'll finally be able to catch up on all of your (urgent LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) It’s time to take a good, hard look at (thing you're not great at doing). It’s impacting your life in a negative way, so take small steps by (positive small goal) and (slightly more positive small goal). If you know this isn’t your strong suit, reach out to (mature family member) for some sage advice. They'll be glad to give it and you'll be (positive emotion)! SCORPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) Get ready to take a trip to (travel destination)! Not quite yet, though. Though a trip to (travel destination) is within your grasp, itll need some careful planning. Enlist your best bud (friend) to help you track your trip, and spending! You'll need at least (big amount of money), so make sure to track your budget for the next (number) weeks! EM SiGiTARIUS 7 Ai j (Nov 23 — Dec 21) Because of the (bad weather circumstance), you've been extra sluggish lately. Get that serotonin pumping by doing some (physical activity)! The endorphins will blast you into overdrive, and you wont feel guilty for indulging in some (savoury treat) later on this week. Maybe some (sweet treat) too! CAPRICORN (Dec 22 — Jan 20) Party! People have been inviting you to (social function) all month. Now’s the time to cash in on all those invites! Ask (close matters) and will do so in (small number) hours. friend) to attend (music show) or hit up (local After that, your time is your own! Feel free to bar) to play some (bar game). Don’t feel like explore (park or neighbourhood) with (good going out? Host your own soiree and invite friend). If you're feeling industrious, spend this (good friend), (other good friend), and (other time catching up on (other urgent matters) for friend that is not as good as the other ones and next week. Or don't! It’s up to you. you kind of make fun of them). LEO gS AQUARIUS Sy, (Jan 21 - Feb 19) (July 24 - Aug 23) Thinking about (stressful You've been watching too much thing)? Don't! It should be out of your mind by (bad TV show) lately, and it shows. Have you (midweek day). Relax, but don’t forget about been getting into confrontations with people? (deadline) that comes on (weekend day). By Try getting back to nature to chill out. Hit up allowing yourself a bit of time to unwind, you'll (outdoor hike) or (big body of water) to relax. be better prepped for (deadline). Spending some time alone could be exactly what you need to let off some steam. V/RGO a (Aug 24 - Sept 23) P IS CE $ Love is in the air! (Crush) is (Feb 20 — Mar 20) sending out some seriously flirty vibes. Reach out . Challenge yourself en to them by messaging them on (social media), YOU" (thing you ve been putting off) by the end Let them know you're thinking about them by of the week! Ifit’s giving you trouble, try cutting liking their (social media post) or sending a it into (number) part and checking them aa (flirty emoji). With a bit of luck and confidence, O”€ by one. Feel free to reward yourself with Ib Lact) by the end of th ki (food item) to make the time go by faster. You'll youll be (sexual act) by the end of the week be finished—and full!—by the time you're done.