By Knowlton Thomas Nash

slogan for the 1998 theatrical

marvel. Godzilla, was a clever spin

yn an ancient saying that any boy
over the age of ten has probably heard.
That saying, of course, is “size matters.”
And if you're asking yourself. “The size
of what..?” then you are either one of three
things: a being without genitalia, a mostly
unconscious drug addict who is about to
use this article that he found in the garbage
to sniff coke off of. or a 10-year-old genius
who graduated from high school around the
same time he was shedding the ol’ diaper
habit

Now, where was I? Oh. right. Godzilla.

This movie is super awesome and—no.
Phat wasn’t it. Hmm.
Seriously though, Size matters

Aves vat

The size of my paycheque. that is. and

subsequently. my bills. But it doesn’t matter

how much or how hard I work. Every
two weeks. my paycheque comes in and
I can't help but be reminded of the poor
little Asian man in the middle of the street
who looks behind him and sees this goliath
dinosaur stampeding though the city. Just
as he screams the name of his nemesis
soon before his utter demise. so do 1: “Visa
TTT eee

Now, you ve likely assumed by now
that I’m just some incompetent whining
bastard. Untrue, for the most part. A while
ago I mailed the provincial government.
In my letter, 1 explained that typical wages
for student-level jobs are insufficient, that
they fail to provide enough income to pay
for books, tuition, transit, etc, and that it’s

simply not enough reward for the hard work
we perform.

Two days later. Gordon Campbell
announced the HST. What the hell? I guess
] must have made one big-ass typo.

So let’s talk about this HST. The
acronym is short for Harmonized Sales
Tax. which means the PST and GST will
basically be rolled into one tax. But don’t
think it’s as simple as that. In doing so,
the GST will rise from 5 per cent to 12 per
cent. What does this mean? In short, you'll
be paying 7 per cent more money for a
whole whack of things. including haircuts.
ALG MTC MECIeLU Tabi MeN Teme Hats
not to mention things that will affect your
parents. such as renovations. dry cleaning.
AYOCO meno Ay NYE

In July. Campbell stated. “This is the
single biggest thing we can do to improve
B.C.’s economy.” Is Campbell the one
sniffing coke off this paper? The province
has shown overwhelming protest to this
“improvement.” with surveys resulting in
up to 82 per cent of British Columbians
against the HST implementation. A
Facebook group. called “NO BC HST™ has
over 123.000 members as of late September
and continues to grow. Nobody seems
agree with him that this is an improvement.
except for perhaps his finance minister,
who recently extended the year’s estimated
deficit five-fold. Yep. really good ally there.

But it doesn’t end there. Campbell
goes on to say that the HST will save
businesses money by enabling more things

to be tax deductible. And it’s true. However.

he then digs himself deeper into his pit
of lies by suggesting that the businesses,

in turn, will pass on these savings to
consumers. What the crock?! When has that
ever happened? It’s a nice wish. but even
Santa can't give us a gift like that. And even
if they (the businesses) wanted to pass on

savings. a lot couldn't. The restaurant and
tourism industries. for example. are already
struggling due to the recession and have no
wiggle room to cut costs any further. Not to
mention the inevitable burst of “temporary”
inflation that the joyous Olympics will bring
in like a kraken rising from the deep sea to
send a surging tidal wave over the innocent
beach-dwellers.

Unfortunately. most of the
aforementioned beach-dwellers are only
concerned with getting too much sand
between their toes. or uneven tans. They
don’t see the impending financial doom.

OU ame ae Cem pcee ema Che
rainbows will fill the sky. gas will cost a
dime per gallon. and Pokémon will make
a grand comeback (or am I alone there’).
Well. regardless. they think wrong.

Granted. Campbell could be right.
The businesses could pass on savings. and
the economy could improve after the HST
is implemented. Similarly. I could evolve
into a Charizard after I finish my college
program. Despite what Campbell has said.
the sad reality is that he’s lying. And why
not? He’s a master of the craft. For those
who don’t know, Campbell made it clear
to voters during his election campagin that
his party had absolutely no intentions of
implementing the HST if elected. I guess
he also taught this trick of the tongue to
B.C, finance minister Colin Hansen. who
treed Cle meteM Feb eeS LO AMEE EATS AYom tO rClE

deficit of under $500 million by the fiscal
year’s end. Recently. he admitted that deficit
was out of whack and it is more realistically
closer to $3 billion. So he *fessed up. Did
Campbell? No. Campbell is a man who
sticks to his guns. His filthy. lying guns.

I decided to strengthen my argument
by travelling the world and gaining a global
insight on this provincial matter. When
asked about how he felt about Gordon
Campbell and his typhoon of deceit.
Pikachu responded, “Pika Pika.” Not an
easy statement for Mr. Campbell to rebuttal.
Godzilla. who was surprisingly difficult to
locate in spite of his size. said. “Dude has
to lay off. man. He’s raising the standard
of evil for all us monsters. I’m basically a
good guy now. Just last week. ] was invited
to a tea party.” Paris Hilton declared he was
“so not hot.” and also said she had a crush
on some dinosaur she met at a tea party last
week. Campbell's finance minister. when
interrogated in a windowless steel-insulated
Siero ry eee Ace mC MAU erie sit Te
particle and proceeded to escape into a
microcosmic black hole. Typical politician!

It looks grim. but there is hope to
be had yet: the HST can still be stopped.
Campbell's bubble shield can only
withstand so much hatred and loathing
before it shatters and he is forced to
cancel the implementation in recoil.

Fight the cause by joining the Facebook
group. attending protests. and kicking Mr
Campbell in the balls if you see him on the
street. Together, we can nip this calamity in
the bud. We have the strength of numbers
on our side, and size matters.