I want to
move

>» New career: mail
order husband

Matthew Fraser
Editor-in-Chief

 

Sn mornings I wake up and I’m
tempted to drop everything and just
ride off into the distance. Well, maybe

not into the distance; more like sell
everything I own at bargain prices, stuff a
bag full of clothes and my laptop and fly to
somewhere tropical and live out my days.

Right over my desk, above my lamp
and behind my monitor I have a world
map. I might stare at it one day with
maddening intensity, just wishing to
teleport to somewhere on it. The little
black letters taunt me with promises of
places so nice and yet so far away. The map
is close enough to touch but the reality is
beyond my reach.

Ever since I realized that I'll probably
never be able to afford a house or even an
apartment in Vancouver, this daydream
has seemed all the more tempting. When
I walk around my neighbourhood or the
surrounding areas and see row after row
of wallet-breaking housing, the urge to
escape almost chokes me. The reality of
my much too high rent for my much too
small basement suite constantly calls me
towards someplace—anyplace—better,
warmer and cheaper. I'll abandon the rain
and the price in a heartbeat for this dream
in a faraway land.

I can just imagine myself on a beach
somewhere, or maybe in a rainforest. I
could have a small garden where I grow
yams, and a bunch of chickens I'd be nearly
too sad to eat. Hopefully, this new country
of my dreams would have a vibrant culture
and tons of great food too.

I'd probably have to learn a new
language and whatnot but that’s ok. Being
bilingual is supposed to help prevent
Alzheimers and dementia anyways.

I know that there are—or at least once
were—miail-order brides, but has there ever

been a mail-order husband? Is that a thing?
Can I make it a thing? I dunno who the
presumptuous wife would be paying but I'll
give my own hand to a tropical wedding for
but a few shekels.

Ah well, I might just have to set my
sights on marrying a rich divorcee who
only wants me for my supple, young
body. I'll hang out at the right trendy
bars and restaurants, go to a salsa class
or something; basically, just get out of
my shoebox house. Sugar babies are still
a thing right? I think I'd make a halfway
decent trophy husband. Maybe she'll own a
company and have to fly around the world
for business trips; I'll come sometimes and

 

_ Matthew Fraser
Editor-in-Chief

M editor@theotherpress.ca
Christine Weenk

Layout Manager
M layout@theotherpress.ca

 

a=» Nhi Jenny' Vo
Production Assistant

Athena Little
Illustrator

Udeshi Seneviratne
Illustrator

CJ Sommerfeld
Staff Writer

Position Open
Assistant Editor

 

stay in bed the rest of the time. I'll get out
of the country more often that way I think,
plus, money comes fast and loose when it's

someone else's.

However, I might just have to make

peace with a vacation or something like

that. Maybe a weekend getaway to Tofino

will do. Probably not, but I gotta be
realistic. Money is a finite resource and
time is running further and faster away
from me than I care to admit.

mattheu fraser

Room 1020 - 700 Royal Ave.
Douglas College

New Westminster, BC, V3L 5B2
604-525-3542

Massistant@theotherpress.ca

Craig Allan
Business Manager

Billy Bui
Staff Photographer

Arnaldo Fragozo
Staff Photographer

Anna Machuik
Staff Photographer

Jorge Villeda
Staff Photographer

M businessmanager.otherpress@gmail.com

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Jerrison Oracion
Senior Columnist

Brandon Yip
Senior Columnist

Angelika Leal

Ash Sabinin

Owen Hebbert

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Contributors

Cover layout by
Athena Little and Christine Weenk

Feature layout by
Athena Little and Christine Weenk