the other press Features rb Adamski Contributor ere’s an old Japanese proverb: “The nail at protrudes will be hammered down.” hat’s how it feels to be the target of a bully. I ow, because I once was a target and am etermined to never to be one again. If you appen to find yourself the recipient of unwar- ted aggressive behaviour in the workplace, ere are some tips to help you cope. . Recognize the Bully he office bully, like his schoolyard counter- art, tends to be insecure with poor or non- istent social skills and little empathy, accord- g to The Canada Safety Council. A 2000 urvey conducted by the Workplace Bullying d Trauma Institute reveals that the bully is a oss 81 percent of the time and is often a skil- ul liar who will spontaneously make up any- ing to suit his needs. While his language and tellect may appear to be that of an adult, the ully displays a much younger emotional age. ome antics, such as hiding behind pillars in e workplace to eavesdrop on conversations, a it for tat” attitude, and shunning or ignoring e target, are decidedly childish. The bully’s mpulsive need to control and the ability to re someone further highlights that sense of wer. A bully’s reluctance to give a straight answer garding procedures is also common. isciplining is easier when the original policy vague. Michael, a ten-year target of work- lace harassment, who has since—reluctant- —negotiated a severance package from his mployer, found himself suspended for trivial misdemeanours” such as not adhering to a ress code that was blatantly disregarded by everal of his co-workers. Such unfair treat- ent is typical of a psychologically violent oss, who slowly whittles away at the target’s confidence. : . Understand what is happening to you I didn’t realize 1 was being bullied until I was xperiencing chronic insomnia, night terrors, nd nausea when | knew I would be seeing er,” states Anne, a former target. “She con- tantly undermined everything I did, and then cted like I was the paranoid one.” Don't buy nto the “paranoid” trap. Once you openly cknowledge bullying and harassment, the per- etrator and those who support, or at least over for her will try to redirect the blame to ou and your “conspiracy theory.” Remember at the bully is the one with the psychological roblem; you, as the target, are unfortunately orced to deal with its effects. Also, contrary to stereotype, the target is nei- er weak nor incompetent. Usually highly ducated—84 percent have at least some col- ege education—the target is often seen as a reat to the bully. The bully, therefore, ecomes determined to undermine the target, ften by excessive faultfinding and criticism, in rder to make himself appear more competent. Tim Field, author of Bully In Sight, points ut on his website, Bully OnLine, “only the http://otherpress.douglas.bc.ca he Bully @ Work best are bullied.” Make that your personal motto. It will give you confidence on the bad days. 3. Educate yourself Read as much as you can on psychological vio- lence and its effects. Field’s Bully In Sight and The Bully at Work by Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie are two books that offer advice on deal- ing with a poisoned work environment and maintaining your sense of self. The Bully OnLine website provides informa- tion on all aspects of bullying, including legal matters and more. In addition, Field is the moderator of an online support group for tar- gets. Knowing that you are not alone, and shar- ing stories and solutions with other targets will help you gain the emotional strength you need to deal with the effects of psychological vio- lence. 3. Compartmentalize Although it’s easier said than done, don’t make the harassment issue your sole focus in life. Deal with it at work and for limited periods of time at home. Dont let it consume you. The bully wants you to be stressed. It’s a way of controlling your personal life. Don’t give her the satisfaction. I started to break away from the cycle by taking night courses. The time spent in a classroom and doing homework was a forced diversion from my work life. What's more, I made new friends and regained my self-esteem. And it’s opened doors to a career change. 4. Write things down When subjected to bullying, document any instances of harassment, no matter how seem- ingly insignificant. Make note of any witness- es to the events and be very particular about dates. Include the year —you'll be surprised at how quickly the time passes. As the story goes, if you throw a mouse into a pot of boiling water, he will die instantly. If you place him in a pot of cold water and slowly increase the heat, he will boil to death. Don’t let this hap- pen to you. Be aware of the increasing heat, and react before it’s too late. In addition to documenting the harassment, write for the sake of writing. While keeping a personal journal can be therapeutic, allowing you to vent your frustrations so that you can deal with the issue at work calmly, creative writing will encourage you to take a break from the stressful situation, and focus on something else. 5. Make a Long Term Goal Much of the stress and depression that result from harassment stems from the fact that you no longer feel in control of your job, your career, your life. Think about what you really want from this poisoned workplace. Are you staying just because you can't leave in the mid- dle of a battle? If so, decide what to do next. While nobody should be bullied out of a job, nobody should feel compelled to stay for the wrong reasons. My situation, which included being followed by a company vehicle while not on_ shift, restricted job duties, denial of overtime and being made to stay until the precise end of my shift while my co-workers left early, went on for almost three years before I finally decided that my health was more important. If the per- petrator of the abuse had been my spouse, | would have left a long time ago. 6. Talk to Others While your first instinct will be to remain silent out of embarrassment, speak out. Talk to your union. A lot of workplace harassment tends to be covered up. Co-workers may not support you for fear of the bully’s retaliation; and human resource departments exist for the benefit of management. Be aware that not everyone will believe your story. Make bullying an issue, not a secret, and perhaps more victims will come forward. Remember, you are not alone. Most importantly, make an appointment with your family doctor. A good doctor can be a valuable resource and record-keeper. Make regular appointments, keeping the doctor informed of instances of harassment and your physical and emotional responses to those instances. 7. Take a Time Out If you need to take some time off from the workplace, do so. Don’t wait until the stress takes too great a toll on you. Use this time to visit friends in another city. Read, learn new software, plant some flowers. Enjoy yourself. 8. Maintain a Sense of Humour Laugh a little. It may be hard to do around the office, but try your best at home. Rent come- dies, play soccer with your child. Look at the situation from the outside. Consider it a com- pliment that your boss feels so threatened by your skills and talents that she has to resort to desperate tactics in order to make you look bad. Smile at the thought. 9. Become an Activist Speak out against bullying. Don’t participate in the mistreatment of any co-worker who is being bullied, even if it temporarily keeps you off your boss’s hit list. The bully will always need a target. Stop the bully, support the vic- tim. Stand up for yourself, for other targets. Dealing with psychological violence in the workplace is a long drawn-out battle. The Human Rights Code does not consider it a vio- lation to mentally abuse an employee if the rea- son is deemed to be a “personality conflict.” It is, therefore, up to targets to come forth and band together to change the regulations and make the office bully the nail to be hammered down. March 26, 2003