INSIDE DOUGLAS COLLEGE/DECEMBER 13, 1988

 

 

 

To: Editor, Insider

From: Len Millis

Re: Update on Bonsai Moles

In the last month since the ar-
rival of the first Bonsai Mole
shipment from Japan, I have
been terribly busy and have had
no time to report the many inter-
esting developments which have
occurred. Regrettably, I have
also had no opportunity to cor-
rect the numerous
misunderstandings which in-
evitably seem to accompany
scientific advances, some of
which have appeared on the

pages of Inside Douglas College.

First I would like to correct
the notion that moles are ro-
dents, a common
misapprehension no doubt. In
fact moles are of the order Insec-
tivoria, and in our case, family
American-Asiatic Moles. The
Bonsai Mole itself is a man-
made creation. Dr. Furomoto
started with one of the smallest
of moles, the Japanese Shrew
Mole (Urotrichus talpoides) to
get the genetic raw material to
create the Bonsai Mole. Using a
complex and still secret com-
puter driven genetic modelling
system invented at Osaka
University, Dr. Furomoto was
able to engineer an entirely new
animal.

What is astonishing about this
work was that the design team
set out at the beginning to create
an animal which would have,
among many others, the follow-
ing characteristics: 1. be able to
burrow in the hard and root-

 

dense soil of Bonsai plants, 2.
be strictly carnivorous, 3. be
programmed to fall easily into
specially designed traps.

The last requirement was an
important one since the high me-
tabolic rate of all moles results
in a substantial production of
mole droppings. The toxic ef-
fect of excessive mole manure
was discovered early on in the
breeding experiments when a
mole poisoned a famous 400
year old five-needle bonsai pine.
The loss of this national treasure
held back the whole bonsai
mole breeding program for more
than a year. Therefore, it is
necessary to get the moles out
after a specific time. Easy
trapability was of utmost impor-
tance.

I know the many Mole fans at
Douglas want to know how our
breeding pair are doing. The
answer is - very well. We
believe we are about to have a
blessed event in the shade of our
own Bonsai tree, yes, baby Bon-
sai Moles. The gestation period
is 5 weeks, so we expect results
soon,

I would also like to take the
opportunity to set the
Philosophy Disciplines collec-
tive mind to rest. This project
has no direct connection to any
corporate sponsorship. The
Japanese experiments were en-
tirely financed by the University

of Osaka. The only corporate in-

 

volvement was a peripheral one
and it concerns the development
of a peaceful device which was
needed to control rogue moles
which lost their genetic program-
ming after having reproduced a
number of generations. The col-
lege community should not be
concerned as we probably will
not have to use this device at
Douglas. Even if we do have to
use it, I want to emphasize that,
contrary to rumour, the device is
not harmful to human or animal
life. The device is securely
stored in a lead capsule.

P.S. Since we have not yet
been able to obtain the non-
lethal mole trap used in Japan
we have constructed our own
using the wire frames from
Champagne corks; the size and
malleability of the metal make
them ideal for the traps. We
need a few more traps, so if you
are celebrating with Champagne
please send me the wire from
your Champagne bottles.

REG EDI FI ALLER PA I