SPOPGS = DOWN SIDES SPORTS Darren Paterson, Sports Editor No one would have thought it, but ’m still alive. If you would have asked me last week (before my three midterms) I would’ve told you that I’d have killed myself by now. But somehow I made it. However, I seemed to have retained a lit- tle bit of that tension—what with finals looming and all—and therefore would like to blow off a little steam by name dropping...and, of course, by reflecting on the down side of sports. And this week’s topic, as inspired by the Red Sox, is player nicknames. I was watching some replays of the Red Sox cel- ebrating and they showed Manny Ramirez winning the World Series MVP award. But what caught my notice was when they called him by his nickname, Manram. Now aside from the freakish sexual innuendo of this name, the thing that really bugged me was the lack of cre- ativity, which is now inherent in all pro-sport nicknames. They took the first three letters of his first name and coupled them with the first three letters of his last name. Wow. Now that’s a personalized nickname that really means something, I just don’t get it. How has this become the trend? And if the first/last name combo doesn’t work for you, then you can just take one name and shorten it or add “y.” Like Bert, Jovo, Matty (Ohlund), or Nazzy. Now [ll admit, my own nick is D-man and my best friend’s is Matty, but really, is this the best we can come up with? What happened to the days of real nicknames?’ Names like “Tiger” Williams, “The Great One,” “Magic” Johnson, and “Air” Jordan? These were nicknames that actually said something about the player they were attached to. The players earned their nick- names by playing a certain way and it wasn’t just a fun rearranging of the letters in their names. Like one of my favourites, “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, who earned him- self a nickname that is not only original and cool, but also has a wicked story behind it. And the old days of nicknames made things fun too. They were names that caught your attention with their oddity. Some fine examples are, “The Embalmer,” “Shovel-Shot,” “The Chicoutimi Cucumber,” and “Charlie Hustle,” just to name a few. These were nicknames that were fun as well as cool, and, as I’ve previously mentioned, mean- ingful. Although I know we only have so many cool words in the English language, I’m certain that we could come up with at least a few original ideas. At least for the good players. Because when there are no “Purple People Eaters” or “Broad Street Bullies” then there’s no “Sweetness” to the game. And that, to me, represents the down side of sports. Well, the NHL lockout still hasn’t ended but there has been a mini-flurry of activi- ty among all sides involved. So, in case you didn’t hear, here’s what’s happened recently. NHL exec. Ted Saskin stopped by to have a little chatsy poo with NHLPA exec. Bill Daly. The good news: they both take a cream and two sugars in their Red Rose tea. The bad news: no one mentioned the lockout, as all talks were with regard to loose ends from the World Cup of Hockey. But the meeting was fun and so the NHLPA thought they’d try it with more people. So they went and called two friends, and then they called two friends, and they called two more, and soon enough, all seven members of their exec- utive committee and all 30 team representatives picked a November 2nd Lockout Gorner Darren Paterson, Sports Editor date for a little PA pow-wow. However, while they party, we’re still looking for entertainment. And the options haven’t gotten any better unless you're one of the lucky ones who man- aged to snag some tickets to the Brad May-Vancouver Giants charity game before it sold out. Because what might have been an option—the Original Stars Hockey League—has had the kibosh put on it. It’s been nixed, nullified and is no longer, thanks to pathetically poor plan- ning. Also, due to the possibility of the lock- out leading to no NHL players in the 2006 Turin Olympics, Team Canada officials have taken measures to prepare them- selves in order to ice a good squad anyway. Currently the plan is to not send NHL players to international tourna- ments until the lockout ends. This means e* leaving on a jet a that players playing pro in Europe will get a shot at the team as well as players in the AHL. Finally, a few tidbits. Firstly, Markus Naslund is considering going back to Sweden for good if the lockout goes the full season. Which is looking more likely with each passing day as rumours are sur- facing that Gary Bettman has already decided to cancel the season and will announce it as soon as it’s appropriate. Right now, December 2nd is the day to mark down as it is the day when another month and a half get chopped from the regular season. But between now and then, I’ll make sure to keep my eyes and ears open for anything newsworthy in the mixed up world of the NHL. november § 8/2000