Hail Mary!
A lesson in how to create concern in so
many in so short a time...or ...what really

goes on when a secretary takes a coffee
break.

Mary, a delightfully dedicated secretary,
can usually be found working diligently at
her desk. In fact, such a loyality and
affection does she have for this piece of
furniture and all of the responsibilities
which are daily ladled upon it, that it is
a rare occasion indeed which would provoke
this loyal subject to leave her post.

However, Mary must have had one too many
multi-vitamins this particular morning, and
she was finding it quite difficult to re-
main 'glued to her desk'. In a moment of
overwhelming inspiration she decided that
what she really needed was a change of
scenery. When a co-worker invited Mary to
join her for coffee, she enthusiastically
accepted and toddled off to meet her at the
local cafeteria.

Meanwhile, her boss, Terrence, expecting to
find his loyal secretary hard at work,
walked into an empty office. After having
made numerous inquiries among her colleagues
as to her whereabouts, (which only made him
a dozen "I dunno's" richer), Terrence de-
cided to return to Mary's office to search
for any evidence of her ever having been
there at all that day.

Substantial evidence lacking, Terrence's
mind bagan to tick..."Ah" said he "I will
phone Mary's husband, and find out if poor
Mary was taken ill for the day”.

Bill, an employee of B.C. Hydro, was not
overly disturbed by the phone call, as he
was quite sure that his wife had gone to
work that morning. Perhaps, he told her
boss, Mary had had a dentist appointment.
He would phone the dentist's office to con-
firm.

Receiving no such confirmation, Bill was
puzzled and became quite concerned at Mary's

 

 

   

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absence: He~phonéd their next door neigh-
bour, explaining the situation and asking
whether she would mind peeking through the
windows to see if Mary was about.

Finding no Mary, the neighbour also began
to worry, prompting her to phone the emerg-
ency ward of the Royal Columbian Hospital
to find out whether an injured person fit-
ting Mary's description had been admitted.
No, came the answer...no such person had
been admitted.

 

Fearing the worst, the neighbour phoned her
own husband (an employee of the local fire
department). She explained the circum-
stances and he told her that the fire de-
partment would contact the police depart-
ment, who would in turn ‘check out' Mary's
house.

 

The police, unable to gain entry, recalled
the services of the fire department. To
ensure that no one was left out, the in-
halator squad and the ambulance accompanied
them.

A few more minutes and one shattered window
later, and there was still no sign of Mary.

Meanwhile, Mary, not having realized what
had transpired during her ‘brief, but not
so brief’ break, returned to her office.

Shocked at the news of the worrisome chain
reaction her absence had set in process,
Mary assured everyone that she had not been
kidnapped, mugged or 'lost her bearings’.

She then called her husband to set his mind
at ease, only to discover that there were
at least a dozen more concerned people whom
she would have to call before all was laid
toeres ct.

And so...as the story goes...

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white
as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the
lamb was sure to go...along with the fire
department, the police department, the in-
halator squad, the ambulance and assorted