ARTS&zENTERTAINMENT _ Stuff Pve Been Listening To Luke Simcoe, OP Trendsetter SNOW PATROL : EYES OREM Snow Patrol — Eyes Open I vaguely remember some hype being thrown around about these Scottish rockers when Final Straw was released, but they fell off the radar shortly there Now they’ve returned with Eyes Open, an album so bland and browbeaten that it really should be called “the soundtrack to Friends if Friends was still on th As the album opens with “You're All That I Have,” I can picture Rachel chasing after Ross in the airport (or was it the other way around?), but after a fe songs, the album reveals itself to be as shitty as the poop that Marcel left in Monica’s shoe. Baba Sword — Swordplay I actually ran across this album in the library where I work (on a side note, go check out the music section at your local library, and odds are that you’ll b prised at the breadth and depth of their collection). Apparently, Baba Sword is an overeducated rapper from the Kootenays (yes, that means he’s white) + reward! Curtis Newart — Exploits In a Modern World This was one of the albums that got sent to the paper hoping to get some free promotion. After a brief listen, I jumped on the chance to mock this alby writing, so let it not be said that The Other Press does not honour the reciprocal nature of promo packages! Exp/oits is the first and only release on Vani ‘Immaculate Records, which I’ve never heard of, and it leads me to believe that the album is the spawn of a spoiled rich kid whose parents were willing finance the shitty album that he made using garageband. The LA Source (???) calls Exp/oits “upbeat techno-pop,” and RadioGay thinks that Curtis is “a s be celebrity, hottie sensation.” That’s one way of looking at it, but this album is actually only good for a hearty laugh. I challenge anyone to take in its rey of silly midi-beats, fromage-coated lyrics (I could list a bunch, but we’ll go with the opening line of “Superficial” — “muscles fame and money/is that all want honey?’) and album art that looks like it was done at the Sears family portrait center, and not piss themselves with laughter. And if you do get thro: without the smallest chuckle, you should head over to Newart’s website, www.curtisnewart.com, and buy yourself a t-shirt with his screen-printed face o1 Adam Green - Jacket Full of Danger Chelsea Mushaluk, OP Drug Addiction Enhaler / Let’s be clear about one thing: there are people far more qualified than I to write about the solo work of former Moldy Peaches front- man Adam Green; people who are rabid about Moldy Peaches, much like high school hipster kids are about Death Cab For Cutie or my roommate is about Sonic Youth. I recognise this. But I am not one to shy away from a challenge. And I’ve heard Adam Green’s solo record previous to this latest one, Gemstones. So this makes me at least sort of qualified, right? Right? And for extra help, I even solicit- ed the opinion of my best friend, who had never even heard of neither Adam Green nor the Moldy Peaches. So with an indie virgin ear beside me and Green’s latest solo effort Jacket Full of Danger in the CD player, I gave the new disc a listen. Adam Green confuses me, ’ll admit it. The first track, “Pay the Toll,” could appear on a late-night infomercial about the golden hits of the ‘70s. In fact, all the songs could. The entire album is an anachronism. The strings are out in full force on this record, and when combined with piano, you have the col- lected works of every easy listening artist to grace the stage of a late-night variety show. One of the observations of my listening part- ner was the depth of Green’s voice. It’s a bari- tone that reminded me of Jim Morrison at its best and Paul Anka at its swinging-est. It’s not all bizarre, though. There’s a Beat Happening cover thrown in the middle of the record, and “Nat King Cole,” which is the music video that pops up when you put the CD into your computer, is pretty good. It’s catchy and not nearly as ridiculous as some of the other songs. Case in point: “C-Birds.” If Clint Eastwood were in a Samurai film, I’m sure that Green would have no problem sell- ing the rights to it as the theme song. It’s just that weird. The nonsensical chanting, the showdown-style cello, it’s all very strange. “Animal Dreams” was the song that reminded of me of Paul Anka; swingy and kind of catchy, and Green took a page from that same book. And that voice again. Who’d have thought that the lines “TI like to do drugs” and “T love drugs” (sense a theme here?) could be so finger-snappingly catchy? I learned something from the album. Lots of it was just too different. My friend suggest- ed that a lot of the album just didn’t match when it should have. And would she listen to it again? Probably not. Would I? Probably not. It didn’t clear up any of my confusion about Green’s music, but I think that was the point. 1 2 THE OTHER PRESS SEPTEMBER 21 2006 translated most of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales into hip-hop songs. Only one of these translations, “The Pardoner’s Tale,” appears on this album, but the r them ate to be released shortly. His rap skills are mediocre at best, and he comes across as either a rapper using academia as a schtick or an academic usi as a gimmick. Nevertheless, I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that he’s the o#/y rap artist who posts his curriculum vitae on his website. Well, that’s it for this week. Sorry for just ripping on stuff, but the first week of school always makes me cranky. To make up for it, I hereby promise tha week’s column will feature solely good reviews of good music by good artists. Luke Simcoe is a senior cardiologist at New York's Sacred Heart Children’s Hospital, and is the publisher of the male-focus gardening periodical Mr. Greenthumb. The Protector (“Tom Yung Goong”) Vince Yim, OP Capoeira Fighter In his long anticipated follow-up to Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior, Tony Jaa plays Kham, a marital artist. As The Protector, he is charged with keeping watchful eye over the war ele- phants of his village, which were said to grant power to their kings. As the elephants are stolen and taken to Australia, it’s up to him to use his Muay Thai skills to rescue them. The Protector has been in release overseas for a couple of years under its native title Tom Yung Goong, which means that it has already made it over here in the form of bootlegged VCDs and internet downloads. However, to make it a little more accessible to the North American audiences, the Weinstein brothers have given this film the “Quentin Tarantino Presents” treatment. Expect that to mean a shorter runtime, a hip-hop soundtrack (by The RZA, who pro- vided the soundtrack for K#// Bi/), and piss- poor dubbing. As a result, this film is now 25 minutes shorter than its original version, with significant changes to the plot and dialogue due to creative editing of the subtitles. For example, references to the fact that lead vil- lain Madame Rose used to be a dude are removed (in real life, she is portrayed by real- life post-op transsexual Xing Jin). Allegedly, the English redubs were done out of necessity, as the original language tracks had actors speaking in English, but was heavily accented and incomprehensible. In some cases there is very little effort to find English speaking voice actors that even remotely match, such as the scenes where Sgt. Mark (played by Thai actor Petchai Wongkamlao) speaks both Thai and English. While the diehards will balk, mos audience will be able to look past thi Overall, The Protector makes some wo attempts at raising the bar set by On which means some very impressive f scenes. Highlights include a scene im Capoeira practitioner Lateef Crowde four-minute sequence that is shot in continuous take. While Tony Jaa nee more films under his belt to legitima the title of next martial arts supersta by the likes of Bruce Li, Jet Li, and } Chan), he is a worthy contender. However, for the most part, it fe empty and is quite numbing after a v Indeed, the endless arm breaking, kr shattering, spine cracking, tendon te: flying-elbow-to-the-head fight scene: thrilling to watch, none of them real up to very much in the end. While 7 Protector does manage to raise the bai Ong-Bak in terms of thrilling martial not much more than an 88-minute n arts demo reel with some dialogue a For diehard fight fans, the film is stop entertainment and a fun night a movies. For everyone else, they may wait for rental and use the fast forw: button.