Student soars to popularity after Have an idea for a story? Let us know! Contact: Chandler Walter, Humour Editor Mhumour@theotherpress.ca orientation name game » Two truths and a lie equals huge success Chandler Walter Humour Editor 4 humour@theotherpress.ca Fi year Douglas College student Frank Reshman was pleasantly surprised and a little overwhelmed during his first day of classes. His Psychology 1100 professor, Jonathan Loque, had strategically incorporated a game into the beginning of his class, creating everlasting mere strangers. “Tt was crazy,” Frank said during his lunch break, shortly after his first few classes. “We played two truths and a lie. My two truths were that I liked music : “ao : : Banks told us. “It’s too bad Jessica and played sports, and my lie was : . : asked him out first—he’s got such : : a great sense of humour. I love : : a guy that is into music, it just : gives him such depth, you know?” : : Evidently, the orientation game that I didn’t love adventuring. I couldn't believe how many other people also liked music!” In fact, it was only moments after his turn at the game that he was : bombarded by Facebook friend : requests, Twitter followers, and a : few perfume-sprayed notes. Unfortunately we could not get any more time with Frank, as : one of his new girlfriends dragged : : him away to go to “some party,” : so we caught up with a few of his : classmates. “That Frank, he’s sucha : hoot!” classmate Chad Roxton : : explained. “I hear he’s really good: “getting to know your classmates” ! at sports. Hopefully I get assigned : to be in a work group with him : : sometime this semester. I just friendships out of what once were i knew his lie was that he didn't : love adventuring because he just : seems like such an adventurer. : mesure he’s got a great Instagram : : account. I'll have to follow him — : : ASAP” “Frank is such a cutie,” Sarah : also worked out well for Sarah, as : she had recently made plans to : get matching anchor tattoos with : a few of her new BFFLs. We discussed the reasoning : behind the game with Professor : Loque. : “Well, all of these kids are scared : shitless to be here. They will This issue: (¥Y Student soars to popularity after orientation name game (¥ Small names, big sales (¥ Vanpocalypse 3.0—the leading theories And more! : literally cling onto any sort of : relevance they have with anyone : else, and this game gives each : of them a chance to create those : pseudo-friends. Eventually they : will settle in and find people who : actually share similar, deeper : interest with them, but until : then, it is nice for them to have sy” Photo via thinkstock sie : someone to go sit in the cafeteria : with rather looking like a total : Steven Glansburg [...] and it’s : great because it takes up time : during the first day, so I don’t : actually have to do anything. : Pm still pretty hungover from : summer.” Donald Tump wins presidency » Walls begin construction during his first day in office Chandler Walter Humour Editor, 4 humour@theotherpress.ca he world was shocked at the outstanding victory of Donald Tump in this year’s USA presidential election. Tump swept the states as an independent, acquiring the majority in all electoral districts. Surprisingly, Tump managed to sway Alaska and Hawaii, even after calling them “a nobody,” and “a dumb handful of rocks,” respectively. Both California and Texas were the only states to somewhat hold out on America’s : : completed a wall as well; a 700 : foot tall structure made entirely : of ice. Thousands of Mounties, : given midnight-black outfits, : have been charged with the : defence from their southern : neighbours. new leader, although were swayed by Tump’s vague one- year action plan to “Put America Back on Top.” The American courts and jail systems are now overflowing with cases and new inmates, as President Tump has illegalized female menstruation, being foreign accents. “We are going to build a : wall,” President Tump stated : in his first few hours in office, : drawing up blueprints fora wall: : of solid metal that would stretch : > across the America-Mexico : : border from the Pacific to the : Atlantic Ocean. Tump was surprised, : however, to learn that a wall was : already being constructed along : the borderline by the Mexican : government. This was Phase : One of Operation Quarantine, : a set of procedures concocted : by various world leadersinthe : : event that Donald Tump became : : president. To the north, Canada had “The US is dark and full : of terrors,” Captain of the Wall mean to his Twitter account, and : Ron Low said regarding the : : necessity of the newly completed : : structure. “There’s no knowing : what new evils will come forth out of that Tump-led abyss.” Across the pond, England, : Germany, and various other : European countries have since : banded together to recreate the : Atlantic Wall, revamping various : : defensive structures that have : not seen operation since World : War II. Japan took lead of defence : on the Pacific side of the newly :; deemed “Most Dangerous : Country in the World” by : creating massive robots that : will emerge out of the ocean : to defend from attacks at a ? moment’s notice. Shortly after Donald Tump : won his presidency, Hillary : Clintons and Jeb Brush were : pitted against one another in : a Tump-orchestrated game of : Scene It? The Apprentice Edition, : with the winner earning the s ° 2 oT y og a 3 a mH 5 2 ° GS Q a “ A> 5 2 ° GS a : position of vice president. : When asked about his foreign : policies, and whether he was : concerned about the trade wall : all other nations had recently : placed on America, or about : the literal wall that was being : constructed around his nation, : Tump merely responded, : “Whatever, they’re a bunch of : losers anyway.”