Bus driver causes chaos by asking
everyone to move to the back of the bus

> Open space in rear of bus confuses, scares passengers

Greg Waldock
Contributor

 

assengers aboard a 502

bus bound for Surrey
Central were left stunned early
yesterday morning, when their
driver made an announcement
over the PA system to “move
to the back of the bus.”

With the meaning of this
statement being so unclear,
the passengers could only look
around and shuffle awkwardly as
the statement was inexplicably
repeated, The lineup of people
waiting to get onto the bus
at Venture Way, where the
incident took place, looked on
in horror as a half-empty bus
somehow seemed too full to let
more people on. The situation
worsened when the driver, who
prefers to remain anonymous,

stood up and began to tell
people to move further into the
interior of the transit vehicle.

“We had no idea what he
meant,” said Mary Boxworth,
a passenger during the
incident. “We were scared and
confused. He kept pointing to
the little steps that led to the
empty back part of the bus.
What was he trying to say?”

The driver eventually
threw his hands in the air
and returned to his seat,
leaving a dozen people
behind at the bus stop.

Unfortunately, this isn’t
the first incident of such a
mysterious, undecipherable
message being heard on
TransLink buses.

“This is a growing
epidemic,” said Dr. Sarah
Trundle, professor of Transit
Studies at Simon Fraser

 

University. “People are being
asked to ‘make room for other

passengers’ and ‘walk two feet
up a small set of stairs.’ The
meaning of these messages
are unclear, and passengers
are starting to panic.”
This event comes in the

wake of an incident last week,
when a driver cryptically told

Image via Thinkstock

passengers of a gg B-Line
running to the University of
British Columbia to “move
away from the rear doors,
there’s plenty of room literally
anywhere else.” Thirteen
students fell out of the bus when
the rear doors next opened.

On September 23, a high
school student was rushed to the

hospital when he accidentally
stumbled onto the empty

back part of a bus, and found
himself confronted with enough
free space to accommodate
more than a dozen other

people, triggering a wave of
curiosity about its purpose.

“If only we could decipher
what these bus drivers are
trying to tell us,” said Dr.
Trundle. “There’s a lot about
buses we don’t know. How can
we fit more passengers onto
a bus? Who are the ‘Elderly
and Disabled Seats’ reserved
for? How many seats can we
occupy with a single bag?

We just don’t know.”

TransLink representatives
refused to comment when
asked about the incidents, but
did take the opportunity to
announce that the Evergreen
Line is delayed until 2019.

Yoga found to not only cure anxiety and depression,
but leprosy, malaria, and broken bones as well

> ‘You'd think we would have figured this out years ago, said many doctors

Rebecca Peterson
Humour Editor

 

An, out of the Institute
of Bold Science (I-BS)
has found that yogi’s claims
of the miraculous health
benefits to yoga may not

be too far off the mark.

“I mean, obviously exercise
is good for you, but it seems
like if anyone has any problems
these days there’s always
that one jackass on Facebook
claiming yoga as a cure-all,”
said Doctor Iris Pekchu, in an

exclusive interview with the
Other Press last Thursday. “We
decided to test the validity of
these kinds of claims and, well,
needless to say, the results
were very surprising, indeed.”
The test covered a wide
range of injuries and ailments,
many thought to be incurable
without the intervention of
modern medicine, such as polio
and fractured spines. Within
weeks of starting a strict yoga
regimen, however, symptoms
began to ease, disappearing
altogether after a few months.

“Tl admit it was hard to get
started, given that parts of me
were falling off,” said leper Carly
Skinner, “but they told me to
just keep at it, work at my own
pace, really get in touch with my
inner self... and look at me now!
I grew back three fingers like
a lizard, all because of yoga!”

“I snapped my arm clean in
half about six months ago,” said
athlete Andy Shields. “Never
got a cast for it. Just kept up
with my Exalted Warrior and
Downward Dogs, threw ina
couple of Cobras and a Reclining

Goddess, and it healed within
two weeks. Now I’m buff as ever,
and the skin on my arm isn’t
all weird from being wrapped
up in plaster for a month.”
A few questions remain
to be answered, of course—
primarily regarding the science
of yoga’s healing properties, and
the more pressing question of
why humanity didn’t figure this
out sooner in our evolution.
“Well, I mean, you can
look at science, or you can
look to your inner self,” said
dedicated yogi Quinoa Jones.

“We've always said, you know,
‘don’t medicate, meditate, and
I really hold to that. There’s
been a lot of resistance from
people who’ve been like ‘ohh

I need medication to live’

and ‘yoga doesn’t cure visual
impairments’ and ‘why’d you
change your name to “Quinoa,”
Helen,’ but there will always be
bitter naysayers. The important
thing is that science is on

our side, and I have another
hundred articles on the matter
to spam your Facebook feed
with over the days to come.”

 

HEY I THOUGHT YOU
VERE GOING TO FINISH
THIS PAINTING FOR THE
SCHOOL ART GALLERY?

   

. Bonté

 

 

   

AH COME ON... DOES
IT REALLY MATTER IF

THINGS REMAIN
UNFINISHED ?

 

 

 

 

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