ARTSSENTERTAINMENT
How To Get Busy, According to Books

Vince Yim, OP Brown Bagger

 

While most people today learn about sex from the
Internet, those without a home computer and Internet
connection would be hard-pressed to do this from an
Internet café or a public library. Most public Internet
providers strongly discourage such use, as educational as
the content may be. For those people, I offer a quick run-
down on several sex references in printed hard copy form.
Brown paper bag not included.

Sex for Dummies by Dr. Ruth Westheimer

(second edition)

$31.99 CDN, published by John Wiley and Sons, 2001
Although a lot of people would cringe at the idea of tak-

ing sex advice from someone old enough to be your grand-

mother, Dr. Ruth Westheimer is.a major authority on sex

and relationships. She utilizes a frank writing style, which is

of
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accessible for both the uninitiated reader and more sea-
soned veteran (despite the title).

The book covers just about every topic you could think
of, from sexual positions (with illustrations!), to sex toys
(with more illustrations!), to sexually transmitted diseases
(no illustrations, sorry). Dr. Ruth also dedicates much of
the book to dating and relationships. The information may
even help you get laid.

Dr. Ruth is quite explicit when it comes to the various
topics, and while she does have her opinions on some con-
troversial topics, she chooses to remain fairly neutral. Sex
Jor Dummies is an unthreatening read that should appeal to
just about anyone.

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex*
(But Were Afraid to Ask) by David Reuben, M.D.
$10.99 CDN (paperback), published by Harper
Collins, 2000

Originally published in 1969, Everything You Always
Wanted To Know About Sex * (*But Were Afraid to Ask) is
back and bigger than ever (the indicia boasts “96.9% total-
ly new material”). This book is quite exhaustive, covering
just about everything. While Dr. Reuben does not have the
media notoriety of Dr. Ruth, he definitely knows his stuff.
Written with scientific detail, the book deals with every-
thing from the mechanics of sex (separate chapters dedi-
cated to male and female genitalia), to sex crimes, to birth
control. Using the question and answer format, Dr.
Reuben leaves no bases uncovered. For one, before reading
the book, I assumed “hand-balling” was something you
weren't supposed to do in soccer.

While a little more intimidating for a first-timer (lacking
illustrations, for one), the book goes into minute detail on
everything. However, Dr. Reuben is quick to warn that the
book should not be taken as medical advice, although
some things go without saying. Dr. Reuben also writes in a
frank and accessible manner (sample text: “As any surgeon
will tell you, the rectum wasn’t designed as a playground”).

Much like Dr. Ruth, Dr. Reuben passes no judgment.
However, he does have his preferences, choosing “natural”
whenever possible (except: for birth control, obviously),
recommending against things like unnecessary surgery (“If
It Works, Don’t Fix It—You Can’t Get a New One If You
Break It!””). Indeed, the book lives up to its title and then
some.

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating
& Sex by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht, and

Jennifer Worick
$19.95 CDN, published by Chronicle Books, 2001

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series describes
how to survive in very specific (yet unlikely) situations such
as what to do if attacked by a shark or how to land an air-
plane. Largely done in a tongue-in-cheek manner, the writ-
ers inject a lot of humour into their strategies for surviving
dating and sex. Don’t expect any serious advice in this
book.

Despite the title, this is not really a sex manual. While
there are many situations that are described in detail
(“How to remove difficult clothing,” “How to fake an
orgasm,” “How to have sex in a small space”), many of
which would come in handy, it doesn’t go into much detail
(no information in sexual positions, foreplay, etc.) and is at
best a humour book.

The rest of it is dedicated to dating and relationships,
with sections on breaking up, meeting the parents, and
stain removal (Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking
about lipstick on the collar!). As it stands, the back cover
warns: “Book may not be used as a contraceptive device.”
But, it is a fun read.

The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana
translated by Sir Richard Burton
Various editions available

The granddaddy of all sex manuals, The Kama Sutra of
Vatsyayana is the definitive book on love and sex. Originally
written in Sanskrit in the third century, it is one of the old-
est sex manuals written and has been translated and pub-
lished many times. Sir Richard Burton’s translatign (origi-
nally done in 1883) is one of the more famous versions.

Contrary to popular belief, the back-breaking, genital-
twisting sexual positions that The Kama Sutra is most
famous for only takes up one’small part of the book.
Considering that the book does not actually contain illus-
trations, it’s a bit disappointing. This makes “splitting of a
bamboo,” “congress of a cow,” and “mixture of milk and
water” more difficult for both the seasoned veteran and
the tender newcomer. Thankfully, Burton’s translation is
free of ambiguity.

As for the rest of the book, The Kama Sutra goes into a
lot of detail on the other aspects of love and sex, such as
courtship and marriage. While it clearly shows its age
today, it gives insight into a different culture and time. Still,
much of it is applicable here and today, not just with sexu-

al positions, but with guidelines on conduct and etiquette.

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