How I became a self-made thousandaire > A guide to those less financially fortunate Chandler Walter Assistant Editor A“ you struggling to make rent? Eating nothing but ramen noodles or leftover rice because you can’t afford the luxuries of pasta sauce or fresh, made-that-day rice? Are you fed up with having to steal your neighboutr’s shitty WiFi to watch constantly-loading, illegally- streamed shows? Well then, you are in luck, ladies and gentlemen, because I am about to lay a truth brick on the foundation of your incredibly successful futures! Hi, my name is Chandler Walter, and I ama financial success story if there ever was one. I am here to tell YOU about the secrets to living a mediocrely comfortable life, all the while having enough money put away to maybe afford a cavity filling, or even an in-province vacation! I started out from very humble beginnings in Port Coquitlam, where I quickly built up my financial portfolio by investing! I invested my time in delivering pizza at a local pizza shop, and I managed to accumulate a whopping $2,500 over the course of only a few months! Now, now, I know that sounds crazy, but the only thing between you and becoming a thousandaire like myself is your own choices, people, and I havea few tips up my sleeves to help you on your way to owning that 1995 Toyota Corolla, or going on that dream two-day vacation! Tip #1: Act Like You're Already Rich The best way to become a thousandaire is to act like one! It’s all about getting into the right frame of mind to become who you want to be. So, the next time your friends want to splurge on that $5 Hot N Ready pizza, or drop a crisp $20 bill by going out to see a movie, don’t turn down the offer! Even if you don’t have the money to spend, the actual monetary price is nothing compared to what you will gain in experience living the somewhat well-off lifestyle. Tip #2: You Don't Need Real Money Tip #3: Monotony is Key thousandaire than by working a hard, honest job, for many, many hours of your life. All you need to do is go to post-secondary, Welcome to the world of credit For those of you cards, everybody. With these who would take classes, pay for textbooks, handy dandy little squares prefer to do well, stay up late at night to of plastic, anything and spend actual, finish everything, stress out, everything is right there at physical lose your hair, cry, stop eating, your fingertips! Most banks money, procrastinate, cry, decide to will approve you for a credit there’s no drop out, wimp out of dropping card if you are over 18, better way out, half-ass your assignments, and after you get totrickthe somehow graduate, write a one, you're good systemand résumé, get references, buy a to go! Simply use become a suit, apply at dozens of jobs, wait the card to pay for anxiously, attend interviews, fail anything you might at interviews, somehow trick want, and forget all about it. It takes an employer into paying you to pretend you know what no money youre doing, struggle, cry, out of your eventually get better, and pocket, and then work for most of once they your waking life. cancel it for “overdue If you follow these fees” simple steps, youre (whatever on your merry way those are), to existing as a self- you can just get another one from a different bank, and repeat! sustaining person, for at least as long as your will-power can hold out! Johnson, L hove & Cenk oppol unity bo Capitalize on Hats investment! Tt's at the beginnin of MWe Sentence. By David Manky THAT'S — By: L.A. Bonté PFFT NO! [ DONT BELIEVE IN GHOSTS... BABY STUFE! mMommmm! NOBODY AT SCHOOL THINKS | IN YOURSELF LEXIST!T FEEL} BEFORE INVISIBLE! YOU HAVE TO BEUEVE For more comics and animations visit FilbertCartoons.com