Wilson

July 2004

Top Reasons for living in
Canada, province by province

(From that fabulous Information Superhighway we like to call “The Internet”)

   

Illustration by JJ McCullough

12 | OtherPress

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and
two bridges.

2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is
just five hours from downtown.

3. You can throw a rock and hit
three Starbucks locations.

4. There is always some sort of
deforestation protest going on.

5. You can see the mountains with
your toes in the ocean.

6. Killer Weed.

7. Block heaters are not absolutely
necessary.

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
ALBERTA

1. Big Rock between you and BC.

2. Ottawa who?

3. Tax is 7% instead of approximate-
ly 200% for the rest of the country.
4. Flames vs. Oilers.

5. Stamps vs. Eskies.

6. You can exploit almost any natural
resource you can think of.

7. The Americans below you are all
in anti-government militia groups.

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.

2. Cruise control takes on a whole
new meaning.

3. Your province is really easy to.
draw.

4. You never have to worry about
car rollback if you have a standard
transmission.

5. It takes you two weeks to walk to
your neighbour’s house.

6. You can watch the dog run away
from home for hours.

7. People will assume you live on a
farm.

8. Buying a huge John Deere mower
makes sense.

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find
you suddenly have beachfront prop-
erty.

2. The only province to ever violent-
ly rebel against the federal govern-
ment.

3. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid
lakes.

4. Nothing compares to a wicked
Winnipeg winter.

5. You don’t need a car, just take the
canoe to work.

6. You can be an Easterner or a
Westerner depending on your mood.
7. Because of your licence plate, you
are still friendly even when you cut
someone off.

8. Pass the time watching trucks and
barns float by.

will move out next.

4, Other provinces basically bribe
you to stay in Canada.

5. You can blame all your problems
on the “Anglo *#!%.”

6. One word: Libertarians.

7. Your accent is totally sexy.

 

1. One way or another, the govern-

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the uni-
verse.

2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is
actually a dump. |

3. You and you alone decide who'll
win the federal election.

4. There is no such thing as an
Ontario Separatist. Separate from
what? You are the centre of the uni-
verse.

5. The only province with hard-core
American-style crime.

6. Much Music’s Speaker’s Corner—|

rant and rave on national TV for a

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
NEW BRUNSWICK |

ment gets 98 percent of your
income.

2. You are poor, but not as poor as
the Newfies.

3. When listing the provinces, every-
one forgets to mention yours.

4. The economy is based on fish,
cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists
to Boston.

5. No one ever blames anything on
New Brunswick.

6. Everybody has a Grandfather who
runs a lighthouse.

7. Just as charming as Maine, but
with more unemployed fishermen.

8. You probably live in a small sea-
side cottage with no television.

 

 

 

dollar.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable.

2. The only province to ever kidnap
federal politicians.

3. You can take bets with your
friends on which English neighbour

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
NOVA SCOTIA

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The
ones who can’t, think they can.

2. You are the “only” reason Anne
Murray makes money.

3. You can pretend you have
Scottish heritage as an excuse to get
drunk and wear a kilt.

4. The economy is based on lobster
and fiddle music.

5. Even though it smells like dead
sea animals, Halifax is considered
Canada’s most beautiful city.

Continued on Pg 13