On Looking Back: A Song of Retirement

By Al Harms, Mathematics Department

with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan’s “/ Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General”

I came to Douglas in the year of 1970
A difference I’ve been making every year since
then you see

In teaching my work has been most relevant
Except the year of leave I took to go and find
an elephant

I dealt each day with matters of equality
I took great pains to clear up signs of
inequalities

I talked of limits and their consequence you see
With slopes of lines that intersect a graph
tangentially

But in explaining of equations that are
problematical

I have become an expert in matters
mathematical

Convergence and divergence do not remain a
mystery

Although the concept clearly does involve
infinity

Ask me about the series that will always be
with us

Or limits that are real as they pertain to
calculus

Derivatives and integrals were not too hard for
me

And my knowledge about limits grew
exponentially

I have mastered theorems about values
intermediate

But dealing with statistics I really didn’t find
that great

But in explaining of equations that are
problematical

I have become an expert in matters
mathematical

Some students were in states of real
bewilderment

They were seldom really catching on to what I
meant

They had trouble understanding about
minimums and maximums

And so I hate to bother them with theorems and
with axioms

But if their speed of catching on remained too
slow

I'd send them off to go and watch my
mathematics video

From fear of math the students soon I all set
free
No longer were they plagued by math anxiety

Their attitudes and habits towards math I had
to change

And daily affirmations soon their minds did
rearrange

And solutions to equations were no longer
problematical
It really didn’t matter if linear or quadratical

I took no time for details that pertained to
management

And meetings seemed mostly to be quite
irrelevant

I stuck to teaching what I know you see
And stayed away from matters that much too
deep for me

And so in taking leave I wish you all the best
I really am quite happy to have graded my last
test

Until I reach old age and become moribund
Just keep on topping up the college pension
fund

To work with all of you I really felt no pain
And I hope that I will soon see all of you again

But in explaining of equations that are
problematical

I now leave to other experts in matters
mathematical §

 

Nursing students
win at Health
Fair

General Nursing students (Front row,
L-R) Pam O’Donaghey, Zeenat Shamji
and Cheryl Satgunam won first prize for
their group project at the recent
Douglas College Health Fair.
Instructor Shirley McKinley and Vice-
President of Instruction John McKendry
presented the award.