issue 09 / volume 41 You don't know how I feel » Don't trivialize others’ sadness and depression with rhetorical comparisons Elliot Chan . Opinions Editor » Mopinions % @theotherpress.ca Wrener I’m feeling good or bad, you won't understand my emotions. You won't understand the reason for my elation or the cause of my sadness. You won't understand how frustrated I am or how much pain I’m going through. Obviously you've felt these feelings before, but you do not know how I feel. Even though you think comparing your trials and tribulations, adversities and injustices, and triumphs and errors will cheer me up or make me hopeful, it won't. It just trivializes my pain, making : it virtually irrelevant in your : mind, thus not really a problem at all. Acommon human response to someone else’s : tragedy is to relate it to our own. : Sometimes it evokes empathy, : like when we watch a movie and : we cry. However, sometimes : that response can come across : as ignorant, self-indulgent, and : dismissive. “I’m sorry your parents passed away. I know how that : feels; my dog died when I was : 12. It was very hard for me” Such a comment, for example, may be designed to : offer condolences and a parallel : experience of sorrow, but it : never comes across as such, : especially to the person in grief : receiving it. Even though we're : constructed to wince when : someone else is in pain, we can : never feel the exact pain. The : suffering is always channeled : through our own body. We : can never be someone else; therefore, we will never know : how others feel. Now that we have established that the saying, “I : know how you feel...” : response to an open-hearted : discussion, what is the proper reply? is a poor Every situation is unique and should be treated as : such. Above all else, don’t : be an emotionless robot : with rehearsed dialogue for : emotional situations. I tell you : this because I struggle with : it. I grew up as an only child, : and calming people down or : cheering them up have never : been inherently strong traits : of mine. But see, most people : don’t want to be calmed down : or cheered up, not ina blatant : way at least. They just want : someone to listen. Be attentive and understanding. Understanding : means that you don’t know : how someone feels, but you : get it. You hear their pain, : you recognize their anxiety, : and you understand their : stress. Allow them time to : vent. Don’t interrupt with : a funny anecdote. It doesn't : matter. Make every question : a supportive one that allows : them to unload their burden. opinions // 19 : Don’t give space. Giving space, : in the griever’s eyes, appears to : be avoidance and may be more : hurtful in the long run. Stay. : Listen. And respond positively : and lovely. It’s not going to be : pretty, and it’s not going to be : solved in a moment or two, : but if the person chose you : out of all the people in their : lives to express their emotions, : you should feel honoured, not : encumbered. Friends and family stand by : each other during hard times. : They should not trivialize : grave matters. They should : acknowledge them. Embrace : them. Shine the spotlight on : them. And then allow the : grieving process to move to the : last stage of grief. Acceptance. When I was young vs. Kids these days: Boy bands Elliot Chan Opinions Editor © Mopinions * @theotherpress.ca Wee I talk about boy bands, I’m talking specifically about the bubblegum pop genre. We are looking at the frosted tips, the heartfelt ballads, the cringe- worthy lyrics, the addictive tunes, and the incredible marketing mechanism that is boy bands. When I was young Around the time I was old enough to like girls, I was influenced by those that girls gushed over. Professional athletes, Nickelodeon teen sensations, and of course, “musicians.” How can I be more like Justin Timberlake and Kevin from the Backstreet Boys? That was the question that kept me up at night. Naturally, I reached high school before I found the answer and the ultimate quest was lost forever. Boy bands shaped my life : (significant is the wrong word) : in significant ways. The fact : that I once idolized them on : television and purchased their : cassette tapes says a lot about : the power of mass media. Like : Pokémon cards and Pogs, I fell : for it; ] had to keep up with the : stupid Joneses. I was tricked. Rounding out the end of my teen years, whenever : a classic ‘gos boy band song : came on someone else’s iPod, : I'd cross my arms and protest, : “Nope, this isn’t me anymore, : this is not what I like now.” I : was ashamed. The stigma of : appreciating pop music for : what it was made me self- : conscious. But it remained a guilty pleasure. Then I got a bit older. And set my iTunes on shuffle. : Randomly, old favourites : started to play. It was the same : garbage but I had a different : frame of mind. Like looking : at old photographs and being : embarrassed, but also seeing : the importance of them. This : was my history. I once found : pleasure in this, and nobody should take it away from me. Kids these days : Sometimes I find myself : mocking the younger : generation for new boy : bands like One Direction. It : sometimes hurts me viscerally : just to think of them. I guess : the problem with getting older : is that I witness the mistakes | : have made before repeated by : someone else. I see the same : delusion of grandeur in the : eyes of young boys and girls : : watching the latest music video : : I had when watching “Bye Bye : Bye” for the umpteenth time. Still, times have changed : significantly; the ‘90s boy : band craze has diminished : significantly. The bubblegum : pop bubble has burst. Boy : bands today are predominantly : from the UK and other : international markets. The : selling value of boy bands has : become a harder enterprise. : After decades of satire and : parody, boy bands have lost : their trendiness. What replaced : bands started a movement, but : the capitalist machine saturated : the market. Kids these days : are still being fed the same jumbled-up tunes, just with it? Solo artists. Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, : and—why not—Bruno Mars : show that it is now easier to : promote a solo act thana group. : : Unless every member is playing : : an instrument, boy bands have : no reason to be. To say that kids : these days are dumb is untrue. : Even they know that backup : dancers and singers should not : get the prestige of stardom. : There isa lot of music today. : It’s not easy being a Lance Bass : ora—you know, Kevin from Backstreet Boys any more. When I was young, boy slightly different packaging.