lL revolution ~

ey ISSOTRST MILLENNIUM
" HUMOUR EDITOR

 

Ai few years Later, after a complication with my dissociative disorder found me in a
hospital, | had the psychologist trying to diagnose me also ask about my sexuality. Once
again, | said bisexual.

He concluded that | had Borderline Personality Disorder, and in his closing words, said,
“You say you're bisexual now- | think you'll find with this treatment, your relationships
will stabilize.”

It stung. It stung more to discover, after some online research, that bisexuals with mental
health problems are often diagnosed with BPD whether it fits thern or not, because
they're assumed to have unstable relationships due to their sexuality.

Scientific studies have shown, conclusively, that bisexual people are no more Likely to
cheat in relationships than straight or gay people. fis for being selfish and sex-obsessed,
| can say for myself that | don’t actually have that high of a sex drive. It’s certainly not
something | actively seek out, and even if it was, | know plenty of straight people with
active sex lives who wouldn't be described as “sex-obsessed.” Are there sex-manic
bisexuals who cheat? Probably, but it’s not unique to the bisexual community.

Ais for selfishness, I'll admit | have an issue sharing food sometimes. Does that count?

Another lose-Llose stereotype inflicted on bisexuals is that only women can be bisexual,
and if men are bisexual, they're borderline sociopathic sexual predators.

Once again, | look to pop culture and groan long and Loud for how members of my
community are portrayed. Think about it: How many psychological thrillers have you seen
where the male antagonist acts sexually aggressive towards the male hero, to show
how sexually “deviant” he is? David Lynch did this in Blue Velvet, David Yates almost did
this with a non-consensual kiss between the villain and the hero in his recent movie
Tarzan that was ultimately cut from the final draft (though the general atmosphere

of creepy tension was still there). Most recently I've been banging my head off the

wall over the recent HBO phenomenon Westworld, a beautifully crafted and intensely
suspenseful show that writes its single explicitly bisexual male character Like theyre
operating off a checklist of ridiculous stereotypes. | was delighted when Ben Barnes
character Logan went off arm-in-arm with a man and a woman a few minutes into his
first appearance, because | love Ben Barnes and | love seeing bisexual representation.
What | have not loved, however, is watching him stumble through the most cartoonlike
strawman figure of male bisexuality I've ever seen: From Long Lingering scenes of wild
orgies to monologues about how he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants, to
his frankly sociopathic treatment of other characters, the words “gong-show™ don't come
close to describing it. I've waited seven Long episodes for a “come-to-Jesus’ moment:
for the writers to show some sense of self-awareness and redeem the horrific mess
that is Logan in an otherwise fantastic show. Instead, I've had to sit through him acting
predatory with his (straight) male friend, the (so far, straight) Love interest of his friend,
and a narrative that pounds into our heads that everything Logan is, is selfish and wrong.
| now find myself becoming viscerally uncomfortable whenever he shows up.

Studies show that women are more Likely to come out as bisexual than men, and some
have taken this information to mean that bisexual men are rarer overall. But | think this is
ignoring certain societal boundaries on male gender and sexual expression. It was hard
enough coming to terms with my own bisexuality, what with the stereotypes bisexual
women face. If all | saw of myself in pop culture was sociopathy, deviance, and villainy,

| don’t know if I'd have been able to accept myself for who | am. Bisexual men are very
rarely portrayed as heroes—or hell, even nice people. As long as this remains the case,
the environment we create in society for male bisexuals is hostile, and very Likely to keep
bisexual men in the closet until there's a significant shift in our thinking.

When | first came out as bisexual, | had well-meaning, genuinely supportive people pat
me on the back for “exploring my sexuality,” and for “trying to figure out” where | stand.

| resisted that: Sometimes politely, sometimes with a bit of a short fuse. I'd finally found
something to account for the way my heart works, something that made sense. Being
told it was only temporary was infuriatingly invalidating, even if it was meant with love.

For some people, bisexuality is transitionary. For many—for most, | would argue—it is not.
When | date women, | am not suddenly a lesbian. When | date men, | am not suddenly
straight. This comes back into the dichotomy of sexuality that not only precludes

the variety of genders that exist in our society, but the idea of bisexuality as its own
independent identity. Bisexuality does not fall on a sliding scale between “straight” and
“gay:” it is not a swirl cone when your only choices are chocolate and vanilla. Bisexuality
is its own flavour, its own identity. Bisexuality embraces love for two or more genders,
full-stop.

The fluidity of gender and sexuality is, thank God, becoming a more prominent point
of discussion in modern society. More and more people are beginning to identify as
polysexual, pansexual, and bisexual, and it gives me hope.

It gives me hope that a few weeks ago | was talking to a woman in her forties, and after
telling her | was bisexual and explaining what it meant, she looked at me with a sense
of newfound realization and said, “You know, | feel that way too. | just never had a word
for it”

It’s still an uphill battle, but with time and education, I'm confident things will change for
the better.