Humour Think you're funny? Contact us at humour@theotherpress.ca & Dubstep artist makes controversial genre shift with deep-dubstep album Purists shocked over radical transformation By Liam Britten, Senior Humour Editor he electronic music world | is set to be shaken up next week when dubstep producer Skream drops his newest album. The U.K. producer isn’t going to be doing his same-old-same-old routine; no, according to the artist himself, he will be completely abandoning the dubstep he’s famous for and reinventing himself as anew artist, with a radical new dubstep, tribal dubstep, glitch dubstep, vocal dubstep, hip-hop dubstep; you know, it’s like, I can dig anything under the sun. And I feel the move to deep-dubstep is a natural progression when it comes to expanding my horizons to scary, Deep-dubstep offers a completely different experience than conventional dubstep. While both styles originate from drum ‘n’ bass music pioneered in South London, the rate of beats are y uncharted new places. Of dubstep.’ in front of it. Older fans and purists, understandably, will be shocked by the change. “It’s a complete betrayal of everything we’ve come to expect from this once-great artist,” wrote Matthew Hartman, a commenter on the Facebook group UKF Dubstep. “He’s gone from being one of the filthiest, nastiest dubstep musicians in the world, to just a run-of-the- mill, dirty, disgusting deep-dubstep wanker. The level of selling out by of this change thing,” he said. “There are a right lot of styles that are coming out that are unique and different in their own way. There’s dubhop, hopstep, stepwalk, tripstep, two-step, four-step, forty- five-step, neurostep, robostep, hardfoot, dethstep, faststep, drumtrot, uniquestep, hipwalk, off- gait, stoneshoe, shoehorn, rockstep, punkstomp, ketamine polka... and I think that’s it. Oh, right: there’s also jazz music. | think they still have that.” deep-dubstep sound. “T feel that it’s right important for artists to stay fresh, yeah?” Skream, born Oliver Dene Jones, told The Other Press. “I’ve experimented with almost every style of music in my career: different in dubstep and deep- minute respectively. The bass in deep-dubstep is notably gut- dubstep—140 and 135 beats per wrenching compared to the gut- crunching bass of dubstep. Finally, deep-dubstep has the word “deep” this asshole makes me sick.” these critics stand in his way. “Music is always progressing. You can’t, like, have music be the same, like, forever. It’s got to However, Skream isn’t letting change, and folks can’t be so afraid Skream’s new album, New World Revolution: The Day Everything Changed will be released on January 31. Angry, bitter Vogue editors declare knives jabbed into feet as latest fashion trend 22 By Liam Britten, Chief Self-Gouging Editor purred on by troubles in their Gpesona lives, boredom at work, a general sense of disgust with their readers, and sadistic misanthropy, editors at Vogue magazine have fraudulently declared that jabbing knives into one’s own foot will be the hottest look for 2012, resulting in hundreds of horrific maimings. The brutal self-mutilation in the name of fashion was seemingly created by a conspiratorial effort by Vogue's top editors in the January 2012 issue of the world’s highest-circulated fashion magazine. Beauty Director Sarah Brown wrote in the issue that “haute couture fashion will never be the same once women start gouging their tendons and bones with these chic metal blades that will make everyone turn their heads.” Tonne Goodman, Fashion Director, wrote a lengthy feature about how women with ghastly wounds below the knees “will be as forward-thinking in 2012 as women with feathers were in 2011.” Perhaps most telling was a letter rife with foul-language from editor-in- chief Anna Wintour, who urged readers to “bleed, bleed you goddamn sheep, bleed for my agony. Sacrifice yourself to take my pain away.” The carnage wasn’t just limited to women; columnist Lynn Yaeger wrote a piece about addressing male readers about how daggers in their feet “may feel a bit funny at first, but will soon become a natural extension of the body. Knives for men should be a little more rugged than the dainty paring knives and switchblades favoured by women—the more serrations, the better!” New York prosecutors are considering charges against the magazine for inciting the mass of self- injury. “We blame every one of these machete-impaled citizens’ injuries squarely on Vogue,” said District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance, Jr. “I’ve seen so many New Yorkers alone with debilitating scimitar, epee, and butcher knife-related injuries that it makes me think that I should probably tell my daughters to stop stabbing themselves too.” Concordia University communications professor Rick Hancox told The Other Press that this is an example of how powerful and influential mass media can be, and how that power can be corrupted. “Everyone wants to be stylish. Everyone wants to be cool. That’s not just true of children, but adults as well. And Vogue really abused everyone's faith in them with this stunt,” he said. “It’s just the latest example of the media abusing their power for nefarious, seemingly meaningless ends. I’m reminded of The Hockey News’ recent scandal when they published their ‘Concussions are Great’ issue, discouraging children from wearing helmets. And also Car and Drivers’ infamous ‘Seatbelts are for Pussies’ issue. While it might not be as bad as Wood Magazine’s three-part expose on why it feels great to stick one’s neck on a running table saw blade, it’s definitely worse than High Times’ feature, ‘Just Start Smoking Crack Already.”