INSIDE DOUGLAS COLLEGE / JANUARY 10, 1989

 

More on Moles

To: The Editor, Insider

Re: Bonsai Moles Update,
L.D.C., December 13/88

Dear Editor,

Far from having my mind put to
rest by the "reassurances” printed in
your magazine under the name of
Len Millis, I find that my uncase in-
creases with every new item of
information released about the Bon-
sai moles.

The denial of corporate involve-
ment made by the writer of the
memo in question does little to as-
suage my fears. It docs not say
who is paying for the rescarch
project, and it makes a mystifying
reference to a roguc molecule con-
trol device whose sinister function
remains unclear,

Even more upsetting is the news
that one or more of the moles may
be pregnant. Surely the experience
of those who gushed over the baby
whale at the Vancouver Aquarium,
only to be jolted into stark sobriety
by its inevitable death, is a salutary
lesson for us all. Nature just will
not tolerate these continuing
crimes, perpetrated in the name of
biology and tourism, against our
animal sisters and brothers. It must
be obvious that the only "blessed
event" the Biology Laboratory can
hope to host in the near future is the
funeral of the poor unfortunatcs
dragged into a miserable and all too
bricf life by humankind’s sclf-serv-
ing obsession with animalic
dominance and miniature shrub-
bery.

Oppose the zoological machina-
tions of the Biological Imperialists!
No to human hegemony over Na-
ture! Free the Moles NOW!

John Black

 

 

 

To: The Editor, Insider

I have been following the ar-
ticles on the Bonsai Mole Program
with interest.

I am very impressed with the aes-
thetics and engineering elegance
with which the terrarium has been
fitted up. Unfortunately, my slow-
ing reaction times, and problems in
managing trifocals, have made it
difficult to see the little devils very
clearly. They are so fast!

Itis this blinding speed, plus
other collateral information, that
has made me realize that the col-
lege, and especially its
unsuspecting Biologists, may well
have been the object of a hoax be-
side which the Piltdown
controversy of the 1920’s pales in
significance.

Philosophy, as always, is of as-
sistance. From the intellectual
armoury available, I select:

a) ampliative induction (Aristotle &
Mill);

b) the Pinochet variant of the
Cartesian postulate ("I suspect,
therefore it is")

c) the Reagan corollary of
Ockham’s Razor (If it’s simple,
that’s nice, and it must be true")
Item: The Japanese Consu-

late has been polite, but evasive

on the topic of Bonsai Moles.

They have not provided us with

requested reference works on

the topic.

Item: The Bonsai Moles were
provided with a lead capsule.

Item: The animals have an ex-
traordinarily high metabolic rate.

Item: Their manure is toxic,
poisoning a pine tree.

I put it to you, Mr. Editor, that in
fact, our Bonsai Moles are nothing
more than Shrews - a minute, car-
nivorous mammal, noted for the

 

 

ferocity with which it hunts, and
reproduces. The misshapen form
which has led to a superficial mole-
like appearance, plus the toxic
nature of its droppings, are simply
the result of heavy metal poisoning.
The capsule will be found to be
empty, or simply a piece of solid
lead.

Sadly, the Douglas College con-
tribution to the project - the
creation of cheap traps - is simply
adding to the problem. The wire
frames referred to from "Cham-
pagne” corks are unlikely to be the
stainless steel wire used in genuine
Champagne.

Douglas College employees
simply are not paid well enough
to afford Champagne. No doubt
our Biologists have been
provided with cheap substitutes
from Spain, Portugal, and
British Columbia. These wires
are galvanized - thus adding
more heavy metal ions to the
chemical soup within which
these pathetic creatures have
been forced to live out their
brief lives.

In growing dismay, I remain
Your ob’t servant,
Bill Day

HR. CE AE Te EE