TO: Mad Hatter

PROMs: . Newt o He Mansfield,
Instructor, Sociology,
Dept. of Social Sciences.
RE: 10,000 Envelopes

In a recent publication of your/our/their
weekly publication, I happened to note a
directive from R. Reynolds concernina the
use of inter-departmental envelopes. It
seems that. 10,000 per year are used with

a maximum usage ratio of 46 x 107,000... The
memo, by innuendo, suqagested that there was
possibly a wastage factor present in such
volume usage. However, on checking my
envelope intake/output relationship, T
happened to serendipitouslv discover the
likely cause for such usage. There are

in our envelopes, either 3 or 6 holes
approximately 3/8" in diameter (depending
on which envelopes you use) punched through
both sides of same. My Suspicion was that
the majority of what was originally vlaced
in each envelope leaked out in transit.
This hypothesis was derived from what T
usually receive in I.D. envelones. However,
beina value-free and empirically oriented,
I considered it only fair to engage in a
thorough investigation. Not having the
legitimate institutional power to strike a
committee, I alone went forward, research
manual in hand, and checked the inter-campus
van. Sure enough, T saw the courier with
clothes-peg on nose, hosing cut the mail
carrying compartment. An increment was
immediately accrued in my consciousness as
to the validity of my hypothesis. Secondly,
a ravid check of Vancouver Linen Supvlies
indicated an inordinately large number of
mailbags heina laundered in isolation of
other commodities. Thirdlv, a test hench
checl of warm water, gelatine, and pearl
barle 7, simmered for 20 minutes and poured
into an inter-departmental envelone, showed
a residual containment faccor of only 18%
after 8 hours. Therefore, any information
mailed either hetween campuses or even
between individuals that was not entirelv
solid, woulu be 4/5ths gone within one work-
ing day, thereby, necessitating 5 envelones

his

to convey sufficient of it to get the
message across to a colleaque. Erqo,
one could cut annual usage of envelones
to 2,000 by not sending so much of it
through the mails. Eat it instead.