The ‘Other News

Women and children first for flu vaccine
says dress-wearing Stephen Harper

By Liam Britten

rime Minister Stephen Harper added
women and children to a list of

Canadians who should be first in line
to receive vaccinations for the H1N1 flu
vaccine.

Harper made the announcement
Wednesday after a quick trip to a Winner’s
department store to find a dress that “suited
his figure,” according to aides.

“The able-bodied men of Canada
must do their part in order to assure that
Canadians who need this vaccination
are able to receive the treatment they so
desperately need,” the Prime Minister
said while fixing his hair. “While stocks
of vaccines will be made available to the
general public, the women of this country
must receive the first batches of the shot.”

As usual, the entire Conservative
caucus spoke as one voice about allowing
women and children preferential treatment.

“Canada has always been a forerunner
in establishing rights for women and
children,” said MP Greg Thompson,
minister for veterans’ affairs. “Furthermore,
the children of this nation are our most

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precious resource, and this government is
fully committed to keeping them safe from
all threats.”

Thompson declined to take further
questions about his party’s policies, as he
had to make it to a GapKids store before
they closed so he could buy clothes for his
“giant, man-sized” eight-year-old son.

Despite the Conservatives’ attempts
to guarantee vaccines for all women and
children, distribution problems have been
encountered all across the country.

“T was in line for three hours for the
shot yesterday, but the doctor’s office closed
before I could get in,” said Sandra Martin,
41, of Kamloops. “And every time someone
got called up before me it was some really
ugly, broad-shouldered woman. What’s
going on here?”

The Prime Minister’s Office has said
that such problems are to be expected when
rolling out a new program like this and
expects problems to be worked out within a
few weeks.

The Prime Minister’s Office has also
asked Canadians to not tell the Prime
Minister that his butt looks big in that dress,
as he’s really been feeling blue lately.

Continued on pg 21.....

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