life & style // no. 12 theotherpress.ca Tonight, I'm calling Lavalife » What are those phone chat lines are really like? Craig Allan Staff Writer WwW quarantine in full swing and nothing to do in the morning, I find myself staying up late at night and watching TV. Between the reruns of Scrubs and Kenny vs. Spenny, I see ads that remind me of my teenage years. Ads featuring soft music and women saying how they have found “some really great down to earth guys” on Quest, or saying they found “the best place to find local hot singles” on Lavalife. These ads have run frequently on late night TV for what feels like the entirety of cable TV’s existence, and they are all the same, featuring beautiful women and social distancing deniers saying how they'd like to meet someone new to hang out with. During this age of social isolation and with no one to talk to, I figured I might as well give one of these numbers a try and find out what the hell they are really like. I decided to go with Lavalife since they are well known I felt it was the least likely to be a scam. The set up you need to do in order to get started is quite tedious. It involves a lot of setting up your profile and a voicemail about who you are. They say to put some thought into it, but | wanted to see what the site was like before I committed tons of time to a great voicemail so I just recorded a quick one. After I spent 28 minutes setting up my profile, I decided to go to the Lavalife lounge for a more expedient result. The lounge connects you with people right away. I had 60 free minutes—this is where the real comedy begins. (The website states that all guys can get a 30 minute free trial.) The first person I got was someone who seemed to be looking for a fun, non- sexual experience, but as she was talking, I could hear what I’m sure was children in the background. | didn’t say yes to her because the whole message was a little garbled and odd. I did send a request to the next woman, but she turned me down through an automated message. The next woman though was a real doozy. Here are some quotes from her message. “Hi... I’m avery fit, very sexy... very bored woman... | like role play, I like groups, I like... mmm, all kinds of dirty fantasies.” She would pause throughout the message to sound...sexier, I guess? After passing by some women who told me in a raspy smokers voice that they were not going to take my money and all sounded like they were in their 60s (no judgement on that, they just seemed fishy), I decided to message the sexy-voiced woman, as she was the most decent of the bunch and was 184 kilometres away so I felt safe that I couldn't be kink stalked. I sent a message but got nothing back. Since I couldn't find anyone to talk to, I decided to try again another time. Over the next two days, I kept going back and the pattern was the same. I would listen to messages, send some 1-877-300-5282 voicemail indicating I wanted to make a connection, and I would just be stuck on hold until I gave up. Throughout all this I noticed something. As I tried to make a connection, my allocated minutes were going down. With no connections being made and my deadline to submit this article now passed, I decided to finally give up on making a connection. Some may wonder if these services are ascam or not. From my experience, it is not the service I thought it would be. In terms of the women you can find on the site, it’s pretty bad. If I were to make a Venn diagram of women on Lavalife it would consist of women who are 50 years of age or older, women who are probably plants by Lavalife to talk about how horny they are but will never connect with you, and imposters who are either men in poorly Budget-friendly home gym DIY >» Get yourself fit this quarantine semester EG Manilag Staff Writer emand for gym equipment has spiked due to self-isolation. Popular exercise equipment, like dumbbells, kettlebells, and benches, have either sold out or are back- ordered for most fitness retailers—both online and in store. Even big machines like treadmills are in huge demand. All that being said though, it is quite a difficult (especially for beginners) to get a good workout. But not to worry—the Other Press has your back with this list of crazy cool alternatives and inexpensive training instruments. Resistance bands This cost-friendly rubber is a great deal! Pa You can work out your entire body anytime and anywhere. You can also combine it with other exercise equipment. For example, if you have a dumbbell at home, you can use the bands when performing a bicep curl. Water jugs as dumbbells I would highly recommend using five- gallon water bottles (the ones with handles) for this technique. These bottles weigh around 41 pounds (about 19 kilograms) each, which is very heavy. But if that is too heavy for you then not to worry, you can always decide on how much water you will put into it. Congratulations, you now have a pair of ridiculously cheap and easily adjustable dumbbells! Arectangular bench The bench press isa key exercise for building chest muscles, no doubt. But without a weight bench, it is almost impossible to get a good pump ina few sets. However, if you have a decent rectangular Photo by Billy Bui bench that is not too long or too high for your body, consider yourself lucky! A basketball, soccer ball or volleyball Any of these balls can be a good alternative toa medicine ball. Plus, they are very lightweight, so it is actually preferable to first timers. Medicine balls can be used for a total body workout—from stretching to upper and lower body exercises. They can also be incorporated into a lot of bodyweight exercises, such as push-ups, squats, lunges, and many more. Carpet as your exercise mat If your goal is to have chiseled six-pack abs, then doing sit-ups definitely should be in your workout routine. And what better way to exercise than on a nice comfy carpet— which already is in your house! What I am trying to say is that you do not need to buy an exercise mat. Just thoroughly clean the part where you want do your workouts, and then you are all set. A double-deck bed! This is a great multipurpose machine. If you have one like me, then consider yourself extra blessed. Having a sturdy double-decker can be a good workout machine. You can use it to execute Australian pull-ups, dips, and even elevated push-ups—just put your feet above the lower bed. You can even attach your resistance bands on the upper bed and perform triceps, pull downs, and chest flys. a Still from commercial via iSpot.tv disguised women’s voices (this is likely due to the site’s policy that says women can flirt for free), and women who sound like they are in their 60s claiming that it’s their 18th birthday and how great it is that they are legal now. The other aspect that I think is awful is connecting with anyone in general. When you buy minutes, your minutes are counted also when you listen to voicemails. This means that you can buy a $49.50 for 440 minutes package but spend the majority of those minutes listening to voicemails and being put on hold. I’m not going to say that people don’t actually make connections on Lavalife, but with how much time you have to spend, and the number of fake people you have to wade through, it’s best to save your money. Skipping ropes Afraid to go outside to run, but feel the need to do so? No treadmill? No big backyard? No problem! Just get a good pair of skipping ropes, then you are good to go! They are good to use as a warmup, great for cardio, and cheap! This workout not only mimics a good long run, but it also increases your foot coordination.When all of this virus nonsense is done, your run will be smoother than ever before. School backpack Now that we know that school’s out for the summer, we might as well make use of our backpacks for extra weight in bodyweight exercises. Doing so can save you from doing millions of push-ups and not seeing any visible results. If you do not have any of these suggested things, then isolated bodyweight exercises will always do the trick. Bodyweight exercises, like calisthenics for example, are really one of the hardest workouts to do and they often require lots of strength and effort. These exercises can really help you improve your body strength even more than any of the equipment-dependent ones out there. Even if you master curling a 40-pound dumbbell, you'd have a hard time performing one-handed pull-up’s or push-up’s. With or without equipment, one must try to become as healthy as possible—especially knowing that we are fighting against a pandemic.