The Five-Year Iteh

Some tips from a single, non-slutty, sex seeker

Bianca Pyle, OP Contributor

   

Apparently, I am an unidentified species of sexual
being. After enough years of being single (let’s say
five), sex has become like a myth to me. I have had
it—but not recently or regularly. I am aware that it’s
there: millions of people are undoubtedly indulging
right at this moment. I am also aware that it is readily
available. But for now, I choose not to indulge.

So that makes me a sex loving, but celibate, single
yet unavailable 21-year-old female. How’s that for a
dating ad byline? I remember having good sex and it
was, well, really, really good. What I remember most
about sex, good or bad, is everything that seems to go
with it. Single sex is a tricky trade, one that can only
be practiced correctly—and safely—after a few years
of experience. In the name of all who are single and

 

not skanky, I’d like to pass along some things I’ve
learned in my five years of singledom.

Someone once told me: “You only have as many
problems as you create.” This would be the first and
most important rule to bear in mind when considering
one’s single sex life. So be safe and smart and always
use protection. That being said, pickiness will ulti-
mately make your life a lot less problematic.

Second, never consider yourself prepared to make
and/or break decision after a few rounds at the pub
(or wherever you go for indulging). This will never be
good times; so let’s just agree that no girl wants to get
the reputation or the diseases that accompany an
unmemorable line-up of one-night stands. Look in
better places for better people, but don’t look too hard.

Third, watch out for potential sex partners in
obvious places. After flying solo for so long, close
friends of the opposite sex start to seem like poten-
tial pumping partners. Let’s face it: you’re single and
you spend a lot of time considering people for poten-
tial do-ability. Looking to friends to scratch that itch
is a trick. It can also be considered bad form as a
respectable, yet not sexually frustrated, single gal.

Good friends can turn into lifelong partners—I
am aware of that; I hear about it all the time. I also
always hear about friends turned lovers turned “I
fucking hate you bitch” and vice versa. Now entertain
this oh-so appropriate cliché: Good friends are hard
to find and even harder to replace. So please don’t
mess with a good thing. If you’ve been buddies for-
ever or for just a few, you should probably leave it at
that. Sex can make friendships turn awkward as tem-
pers flair and emotions go bananas. I’m pretty sure I
like most of my friends enough not to want to go
through any of that with them—unless I am positive
the sex will be worth it.

Getting back to getting laid occasionally. If you
are lucky, you will find someone that you trust
enough to have an “arrangement” with. That’s
right—it is possible. Casual, yet safe, sex can be avail-
able when needed. It must be with someone who will
not drool on your pillow for the next 12 months.
This person is whoever is most like you, lifestyle
wise. Share a timetable and an opinion on something
already? It might not be hard to fit a little sex in there
somewhere too!

Okay, maybe it’s not that easy. But my point is
that the only way casual sex works is if you have
already spent enough time with someone to know for
sure whether he or she is worthy and should be trust-
ed with such an arrangement.

Basically, I would like the world to know that
there are single girls out there who are neither sluts
nor prudes. We enjoy sex—we really, really do; how-
ever, we do not feel the need to update anyone on
sexual droughts and/or good lays.

One day, I will be one-half of a couple who is
trying to think up new locations where we haven’t
done it already. For now, I am single, celibate, not
sexually frustrated, and definitely happy. I am just a
normal person, avoiding having my feelings toyed
with, and wanting to be content. The only way I seem
to be content under single circumstances is when I
am really happy with, and a have a definite sense of,
who I am.

Sex does exist in my world; it’s just an underlying
fact rather than the forefront of my existence.

 

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