© the other press e¢ features

Good Vibrations

Michelle Juurlink
OP Contributor

From the outside, Womyn's Ware, a retailer special-
izing in sex toys, looks non-threatening. The sign at
the front of the Commercial Drive store reads, “A
Celebration and Empowerment of Women’s
Sexuality.” the windows are neither covered nor
darkened—unlike the parade of Triple X shops that
flank Granville Street. Pots of flowers and welcom-
ing benches encourage shoppers to sit down and
ponder what to buy before heading into the store.

The interior of the store is bright and clean.
Oddly enough, the staff at Womyn’s Ware are all
women: I say oddly, because the times I have man-
aged to peek inside a Triple X shop, all I see are
men. The store is quiet, with only one other client,
also a woman. Along the far wall, a row of colour-
ful vibrators, out of their packages, sit upright on a
shelf. Leather accessories and a leather swing entice
the slightly more daring. Closest to the door are
products tamer in nature, which probably has to do
with visibility through the storefront windows.
Condoms, massage oils, and books by Betty
Dodson, author of Sex for One, and Orgasms for
Two are also on hand.

Entering into the domain of a sex store clarifies a
few things for me. Despite my belief that I am a
progressive and intelligent woman, I realize that I
am much more comfortable walking into, well, any
store other than a sex store. I have trouble under-
standing this; perhaps its my Catholic upbring-
ing—I’m not as hip as I'd like to believe. I admit
that I have yet to bring sex toys into my life. And,
while I’m past the notion that masturbating is a sin,
it still seems less appealing than sex for two.

Lately, though, I’ve been examining my sexual
beliefs and even went to visit a local sex therapist,
Wendy Fuller, who wants women to be sexual with-
out being sexualized. Fuller believes—and I agree,
noticing my own patterns—that many women give
themselves permission to be sexual only when they
have a partner. “Well,” she says, “I’m sexual because
I’m human.”

Okay, so I’m exploring the sexually deviant side
of myself, which is still fairly tame. I’ve entered
Womyn's Ware, to buy, not the leather swing or
nipple clamps, but a vibrator. Cass King, retail

 

manager, approaches me. Her dark, shoulder-
length brown hair is highlighted with a subtle pur-
ple; she wears dark-framed glasses. Dressed in semi-
business attire, she appears confident and self-
assured. And she’s more than happy to answer the
questions I have about buying a vibrator.

I mention to her that I often pass by the store—
it's only blocks from my house—but never go in.
King agrees that entering a sex store and buying a
toy for yourself can be psychologically
intimidating—an admission of the importance of
your sexual satisfaction. “Then there is the issue of:
am I being selfish because I’m buying something
just for my pleasure?” states King. ;

But for me, there’s also the concern of people see-
ing me enter the store—much like being spotted in
the porn section of the video store. Once in
Womyn's Ware, however, I feel more comfortable,
like shopping for sex
toys is the most normal
thing in the world. For
me, the challenge is sim-
ply opening the door.

King admits that the
first time she visited the
store, she stepped in,
browsed through some
of the books, then left.
She became braver with
each visit after that. The
second time she came in,
she made it to the back
wall and bought a small
vibrator. Then she came in with a partner and they
purchased a sex toy together. Now, she works at the
store. I take comfort in this, interpreting it to mean
that the ability to engage strangers in sexual dia-
logue isn’t something that happens naturally, but
evolves over time.

“Buying a vibrator can feel very selfish, but our
sexual health is very important and can have many
benefits, including making us happier,” states King.
“Often a woman will think nothing of buying a
membership to the gym, but there are other ways to
get a workout. Or, women will spend 30 dollars on

Page 22 e http://otherpress.douglas.be.ca

“Along the far wall,
a row of colourful
vibrators, out of

their packages, sit

upright on a shelf.”

May 2003

  

face cream, but we don’t really need it, we can just
let our face get chapped.” She is being facetious,
but the same principle can be applied to buying a
vibrator: it isn’t really needed, but can provide some
great benefits.

Womyn's Ware uses the word “ware” in their
name, in fact, because they view sex toys as hard-
ware, enhancements to one’s sex life. Women are so
adept at using tools and gadgets to help them in
other aspects of their life, yet hesitate to bring them
into our sex lives. No wonder buying a vibrator can
feel like a huge indulgence.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, how women

feel about themselves as sexual beings permeates all
aspects of their lives. Fuller believes that allowing
ourselves to be sexual, and acknowledging our sex-
ual needs, can improve our overall well-being.
“There’s so much guilt about our sexuality. We're
ashamed of our
thoughts,” she states.
To Fuller, sex toys are an
enhancement to the inti-
mate relationship we have
with ourselves and with
our partners.
Understanding our bod-
ies and how they work is
crucial to sexual freedom.
Women need to under-
stand what masturbation
is: it's about loving self.
“A lot of women still
don’t touch themselves,
or they think that if they’re with a partner, they can
stop touching themselves,” states Fuller. She wants
women to take responsibility for their bodies and
sexuality and finds that when they do, they are less
likely to partner with someone just to satisfy their
sexual needs. The ability to choose a partner for
non-sexual reasons is empowering.

Armed with this knowledge, I try to make a
choice about what vibrator to buy. It’s overwhelm-
ing. An array of colourful multi-shaped vibrators
made by The Fun Factory lines the top row. King
explains that they're essentially the same “vibe”, just